A day at the seaside by Katy Kat

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A day at the seaside

by Katy Kat

Posted: 03 March 2011
Word Count: 28
Summary: My entry for Shapes

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Tracing circles
in the sand
laughing
at the
playful waves
Breathless
we run
to catch
the wind
that carries
all away.
If we could only
keep the day...

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Comments by other Members

tusker at 07:18 on 04 March 2011 Report this post

A lovely carefree poem, Kate.

A moment caught in a pleasant day.

Jennifer

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Desormais at 08:31 on 04 March 2011 Report this post

Lovely Kate. Catches the moment beautifully and succinctly. Well done.

(I can't believe that we were both working on the same theme for this challenge. I'll have to change the name of mine - it was called 'That Day on the Beach'. How amazing is that.)

Sandra

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Katy Kat at 10:03 on 04 March 2011 Report this post

Thanks Jennifer!

Kate

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Katy Kat at 10:05 on 04 March 2011 Report this post

Thanks Sandra. What were the chances of us thinking up the same theme? I look forward to reading yours.

Kate

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FelixBenson at 12:33 on 04 March 2011 Report this post

Hi Kate, Lovely - the poem is as carefree and fast to pass as the wisp of wind it describes too! Well balanced use of form and content! Good poem!
Kirsty

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V`yonne at 13:13 on 04 March 2011 Report this post

I like the way this turns on things you can things you cannot grasp. I would only suggest one change and that is here:

Breathless
we run
to catch
the wind
that carries all
our cares away.

I would put:
playful waves
Breathless
we run
to catch
the wind
that carries all
away.

and the reason I would do that is because it harks back to breathless and forward to death...implied in the ending. By dropping two words you stengthen the last line but it's very good!

Read the WriteWords interview with Oonah Joslin (V`yonne)

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Nella at 16:49 on 04 March 2011 Report this post

Very nice, Kate, ditto what all the others have said!
Robin

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crowspark at 18:03 on 06 March 2011 Report this post