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After The Riot.

by firethorne 

Posted: 03 March 2011
Word Count: 817
Summary: Continuing story of Jack Almond . This week's installment: Jack and his mates are being held in Scourthorpe police station. The Minister For Urban Cultural Development pays the station a visit. Comic strip silliness containing various violations of grammatical correctness. Don't mess with the muse.


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Massive thanks to Nick, who kindly took a long time over the original version and has ground out the typos.




Inspector Corby was about to pen a red ring around the name Jack Almond. Down in the cells it sounded like steel plate being attacked with sledgehammers. The lighting flickered overhead.

"Iím Hercules!"

The mad Irishman was kicking off again.

ĒRight." Corby slung his pen down onto the pile of statements, drew himself up to his full height and went to inspect what was going on.

"Mickey, it's me Andrea. Can you stop that please?" The rhythmic pounding against the cell door ceased.

Inspector Corby strode up to the young girl, shaking his head. "WPC Wren? For Gods sake, Andrea!"

"Yes sir. Mickey just needs gentle handling."

"Look Wren," snorted Corby, "Iíll show you how to handle the likes of him."

"OíCollins, either you pack that in or Iím going to Tazar you again. And if you donít go down we're coming in with shields and battens. Got it?"

There was a sudden massive impact on the other side of the door. A large chunk of plaster fell from the buckling frame, catching Corby a glancing blow on his forehead.

"Hell!"

"Ha, ha, fecking har," came O'Collinsí voice from the other side of the door.

It was about an hour later and Corby was back in office struggling with his notes.

There was a delicate knock.

"Enter," he growled.

Corby blinked and swallowed. Bloody hell, he thought, she looks like a film star. Images of them running hand in hand on a beach, surf lapping at their ankles, ran through his mind.
"I donít always wear a towel on me head love, had a bit of aggro earlier. It's to stop the blood dripping on me paperwork."

She smiled perfectly. "Iím from the Ministry Of Urban Cultural Development. It was an unfortunate misunderstanding at the gallery, wasnít it?"

"I'm sorry," said Corby.
She took a step forward as if a little unsure.

"I was at a late night poetry reading when I got the call and didnít have time to get changed." She placed her hand to her neck and ran a finger down a necklace of white pearls.
"May I?" She gestured to a chair.

Corby couldnít remember saying yes, or much of the subsequent conversation , though he could hear the cry of gulls overhead and feel little warm waves lapping against his feet. In the bay dolphins popped their heads out of the water and grinned benignly at him.

ďSo." It was like a snap of her fingers. ďAdrian Searle described it as Ďutterly regenerativeí and Ďthe most invigorating live performance artí. He immediately contacted the Home Secretary. If you drop the charges The Government extends the Scourthorpe Arts Development Grant. Itís all a silly misunderstanding isnít it?"

"Of course it is," Corby managed to say, laughing and patting the desktop.

"Fine I better be going then. Itís been an absolute pleasure meeting you, Inspector Corby."

" Tony, call me Tony. So, em, you and me eh? Thereís this lovely little taverna on Eckburton Road. We can take our own wine"

"Thatís really sweet Tony. I'm sorry, I have flight to catch. Some other time perhaps?"

She shut the door. Corby put his head on the desk and closed his eyes. For the second time he felt his heart breaking.


Corby forced himself out of his office and moped over the Duty Desk. "Alright get them out, drop the charges."

"Who sir?"

"Almond, O'Collins, and the rest of the hooligans."

"Theyíve already gone Sir, about half an hour ago."

"Why?"

"You released them sir."

"No I bloody well did not. Iíve just spent the last hour talking to The Minister of Urban Cultural Development," he pointed to his office. "Why you all looking at me like that?"

Corby felt a bit dizzy and leaned against a cell door."

" Sir, now let's get that towel off your head and have a proper look shall we."

It was almost sunrise over Scourthorpe, pavements were iced-up, and those who hadnít already got home were kicking McEwansí cans back along the empty streets towards the flats.

"Look! Up there."

The Northern Lights fired their colours and like a shoal of fish, shooting stars darted and flashed through them before fading into the new morning sky.

"Did you see that?"

"I feckin well did. Felt like me heart was turning over."

"It were right weird, it were like stars were happy an' laughin'."

Jack went into a stutter "Cali...""

"Callio...I can't even say her name."

"Jack, come on mate, stop staring, whatever it waz's gone now. Let's get home eh."


Next week: The Hodyssey begins. Will our bricklaying heroes even find their way to London? Is The Guggenhammer a posh name for a lump hammer ? Which hero must face down the notoriously violent Headhunters to find out?







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Comments by other Members



Bunbry at 09:22 on 04 March 2011  Report this post
Hi Firethorne, I know you have said that punctuation is not your strong point, so rather than point out every individual thing, I have given it a very quick tidy, using Word, and put it below. I've also made a couple of small changes, but see what you think.

Nick


Inspector Corby was about to pen a red ring around the name Jack Almond. Down in the cells it sounded like steel plate being attacked with sledgehammers. The lighting flickered overhead.

"Iím Hercules!"

The mad Irishman was kicking off again.

ĒRight." Corby slung his pen down onto the pile of statements, drew himself up to his full height and went to inspect what was going on.

"Mickey, it's me Andrea. Can you stop that please?" The rhythmic pounding against the cell door ceased.

Inspector Corby strode up to the young girl, shaking his head. "WPC Wren? For Gods sake, Andrea!"

"Yes sir. Mickey just needs gentle handling."

"Look Wren," snorted Corby, "Iíll show you how to handle the likes of him."

"OíCollins, either you pack that in or Iím going to Tazar you again. And if you donít go down we're coming in with shields and battens. Got it?"

There was a sudden massive impact on the other side of the door. A large chunk of plaster fell from the buckling frame, catching Corby a glancing blow on his forehead.

"Hell!"

"Ha, ha, fecking har," came O'Collinsí voice from the other side of the door.

It was about an hour later and Corby was back in office struggling with his notes.

There was a delicate knock.

"Enter," he growled.

Corby blinked and swallowed. Bloody hell, he thought, she looks like a film star. Images of them running hand in hand on a beach, surf lapping at their ankles, ran through his mind.
"I donít always wear a towel on me head love, had a bit of aggro earlier. It's to stop the blood dripping on me paperwork."

She smiled perfectly. "Iím from the Ministry Of Urban Cultural Development. It was an unfortunate misunderstanding at the gallery, wasnít it?"

"I'm sorry," said Corby.
She took a step forward as if a little unsure.

"I was at a late night poetry reading when I got the call and didnít have time to get changed." She placed her hand to her neck and ran a finger down a necklace of white pearls.
"May I?" She gestured to a chair.

Corby couldnít remember saying yes, though he could hear the cry of gulls overhead and feel little warm waves lapping against his feet. In the bay dolphins popped their heads out of the water and grinned benignly at him.

ďSo." It was like a snap of her fingers. ďAdrian Searle described it as Ďutterly regenerativeí and Ďthe most invigorating live performance artí. He immediately contacted the Home Secretary. If you drop the charges The Government extends the Scourthorpe Arts Development Grant. Itís all a silly misunderstanding isnít it?"

"Of course it is," Corby managed to say, laughing and patting the desktop.

"Fine I better be going then. Itís been an absolute pleasure meeting you, Inspector Corby."

" Tony, call me Tony. So, em, you and me eh? Thereís this lovely little taverna on Eckburton Road. We can take our own wine"

"Thatís really sweet Tony. I'm sorry, I have flight to catch. Some other time perhaps?"

She shut the door. Corby put his head on the desk and closed his eyes. For the second time he felt his heart breaking.


Corby forced himself out of his office and moped over the Duty Desk. "Alright get them out, drop the charges."

"Who sir?"

"Almond, O'Collins, and the rest of the hooligans."

"Theyíve already gone Sir, about an hour ago."

"Why?"

"You released them sir."

"No I bloody well did not. Iíve just spent the last hour talking to The Minister of Urban Cultural Development," he pointed to his office. "Why you all looking at me like that?"

Corby felt a bit dizzy and leaned against a cell door."

" Sir, now let's get that towel off your head and have a proper look shall we."

It was almost sunrise over Scourthorpe, pavements were iced-up, and those who hadnít already got home were kicking McEwansí cans back along the empty streets towards the flats.

"Look! Up there."

The Northern Lights fired their colours and like a shoal of fish, shooting stars darted and flashed through them before fading into the new morning sky.

"Did you see that?"

"I fuckin' well did. Felt like me heart was turning over."

"It were right weird, it were like stars were happy an' laughin'."

"Jack, come on mate, stop staring, theyíve gone now. Let's get home."



firethorne at 19:13 on 04 March 2011  Report this post

That is so much better . Thank you!

If I may, I'll cut and paste this in owner edit . There are still two tiny typos I've managed to spot after ten re-readings , both of them mine.

So how does this Word know where to put a comma ?

Don't worry I'll start to figure punctuation out with practice.

Thanks again.

Bunbry at 19:25 on 04 March 2011  Report this post
Cut and paste away! I'm sure others will spot even more typos - they are like that round here!

How do computers work? I still can't set my bedside clock...

Nick

Desormais at 10:43 on 05 March 2011  Report this post
It certainly reads a lot better with the punctuation amended. Maybe you need to get yourself a secretary

I don't know whether you want critique or you're just posting to entertain. If it's the former then I'd just say that sometimes accented dialogue can be a bit irritating unless it's done consistently and well. I wondered whether someone who continually said 'me' instead of 'my' would then pronounce the 'h' of 'head' or 'heart'. And if you're going to drop the final 'g' on words like 'laughin' you need to be consistent throughout the piece.

If, however,you're posting to entertain, you succeeded, Firethorne.

I particularly liked the interspersing images of the beach/sea in his encounter with the posh tart.

Thanks for the read.
Sandra

firethorne at 12:12 on 06 March 2011  Report this post

Thank you Sandra - its just a bit of silliness which hopefully gets a chortle here and there. Bash Street meets classics meets contemporary art, for grown ups . Now I'm learning in a sentence you have one 'run' of meaning, and if there is an interconnected meaning in the same sentence you put in a comma . It's hard for me feel this intuitively, and back in school were were taught a safe way of doing this, which doesn't work outside the format we were given.

" The sky was blue, with clouds, birds and..."

So if you have the patience I would be very grateful for any help .

I'll try a quickand less frivolous flash and you can see if I'm getting the hang of it.

I did a lot of bricklaying and at first this looks visually wrong :

"I was at a late night poetry reading when I got the call and didnít have time to get changed." She placed her hand to her neck and ran a finger down a necklace of white pearls.
"May I?" She gestured to a chair.

Only because if you run you eye from the bottom up, the bottom course seems out of place,
like it was a corbel to the rest . can you see how the top heavy lines would overbalance
from the right hand side .

Its reads much better like this and makes more sense as a sentence. I know it sounds daft,
but it never occurred to me that this layout would work in language.

Thanks again.

crowspark at 15:03 on 06 March 2011  Report this post
A very entertaining read.
Thanks for sharing Andrew.

Regards
Bill


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