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Grumpy Old Man Poem

by James Graham 

Posted: 24 February 2011
Word Count: 124
Summary: Another little bit of nonsense.

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Grumpy Old Man Poem

I donít like


Black Spiders, Three Daft Monkeys.
Thrash, crust and funk.
The Who, The Why.

I like the noises made by
Mozart, Shostakovich,
Muddy Waters, Bessie Smith,
But thatís not music.

I donít like


Hitlerís henchmen.
Hitlerís diary.
Hitlerís jobbies.

More mysteries
of Ancient Egypt.

Fat families
and other freaks.

More mysteries
of Ancient Egypt.

Only Fools and Horses
that used to be alive,
cold-bloodedly repeated
till itís dead.

I donít like


Whatís on at the pictures?
Films that bust ass.

Any films that move
to laughter and/or tears?
No. Films that bust ass.

I donít like

standup comedy.

Fuck ha-ha.

I still like books
but just inside
the bookshop
I trip over
Blair: A Journey.

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Comments by other Members

V`yonne at 23:34 on 24 February 2011  Report this post
Aye I'd trip over that too! And Katye Someoneorothers boob job
Only Fools and Horses flogged 'til itís dead.
Hitlerís mysteries
of Ancient Egypt.

Ah yes.

I think you could hone this a wee bit but I LOVE IT
With you all the way
+ txt

wolfiewolfgang at 12:12 on 25 February 2011  Report this post
I am with you on Blair's Journey and stand-up comedy and I laughed a lot throughout - maybe, though, it could be slightly more modern in its aim. I don't feel that you know the bands that you mention and, with "that" film out there at the moment making everyone laugh and cry, it just feels a bit like the poet is out of touch rather than critical but then you do redeem it by calling it a Grumpy Old Man Poem! In the end, I know, we would all write different lists.

I really liked the way you paragraphed it (my new obsession!) - using the spaces as punctuation and adding to its ambiguity. You managed to say "I don't like" and imply that there are loads of things you do like.

butterfly2000 at 11:21 on 28 February 2011  Report this post
That was great fun to read ;0) Lot's of meat in it... plenty to chew on and laugh knowingly at. Yes, it is a true Grump - and expresses a truth in itself, in that we don't always take time to understand the things we don't like - like certain types of music, etc. - and why should we? It's nice sometimes to take a break from being tolerant and open minded in the relative safety of small personal preferences... as most of the time we are using these facilities to the nth degree, being subject to global living.

When I'm reading, I can 'hear' pauses and trailing words because of the structure. I like this myself, and use it a lot in my work - so not much in the way of crit from me - that's probably not very helpful, but truthful

best wishes

Nella at 15:57 on 28 February 2011  Report this post
LOL - that was a funny ending, James.

firethorne at 16:52 on 28 February 2011  Report this post

I was plastering today. It is so boring. I was singing Fools And Horses!

For reasons I won't go into here, I have to stand opposite a bookshop for ten hours a day, once a month. ( It's not a freaky OCD or anything like that.) I can't remember when, but they had this huge Tony B. poster, and it was like it had frozen itself onto the inside of window . I have seen some things in my life but this was genuinely scary .

Someone in WW asked if I can can write poetry. I've had a look at the work here and I can guess how hard it is. Think I'll leave it to the experts for now.

It's all really good though and jiggles your brain so you can make sense of things you otherwise would not.

Thanks. If it's Ok I'll keep dropping in and having a look.



clyroroberts at 16:26 on 01 March 2011  Report this post
I'm with you on pretty much all of this. Except I don't like jazz. Does that make me even more grumpy? I'm told there is some good comedy on TV but our aerial stopped working about 5 years ago and I could never be bothered to replace it. To complete the list you probably need to add something about computer games, competitive sports, and glossy magazines. In fact, thinking about it, this could be turned into a very long poem.

Personally I love a good grump, so I very much enjoyed this.

(nb. apologies James for deleting the piece about light you had kindly commented on. I was just trying to remove it from the group temporarily but it disappeared. Thanks for your advice.)

James Graham at 19:41 on 02 March 2011  Report this post
Thanks for comments: Oonah, Wolfie, Debra, Robin, Andrew, James. Wolfie, you're right, I am out of touch, especially where bands are concerned. They're just names to me so it's unfair to use them in the poem. Over the years I've listened from time to time to various bands and artists, hoping one day to find something I like, but in vain. Queen with Freddie Mercury nearly made it, but I got tired of them. Bruce Springsteen too. So it's classical, jazz, blues. Can't help it.

There seems to be a unanimous view of Tony B. It takes all sorts, though...some people will actually read his book.


SarahT at 21:57 on 02 March 2011  Report this post
James, this made me chuckle. You have the cable TV schedules nailed with:

Hitlerís henchmen.
Hitlerís diary.
Hitlerís jobbies.

It sounds very similar to the way my husband moans when he's flicking through the TV programmes at night!

And I loved the line 'And Katye Someoneorothers boob job' but I think that was just something that Oonah invented, although I wonder if its spiritual home should be somewhere in this poem!


wolfiewolfgang at 19:23 on 03 March 2011  Report this post
I thought the "out of touch" thing worked really well!

FelixBenson at 12:53 on 04 March 2011  Report this post
Ha. Good harnessing of fury here, James. There's lot's I recognise and go - oh yes! to.
I love the line Hitler's jobbies. Let's face it, it's only a matter of time before that's on...

James Graham at 19:35 on 10 March 2011  Report this post
Thanks again. Sarah, you've given me an idea for a poem about celebrities - presented as a recipe perhaps, ingredients including boob jobs and multiple break-ups and getting-together-agains. I forgot to include that particular grump.

Wolfie, if the 'out of touch' thing works, that's fine. It would be obvious to any reader that the author of this poem doesn't know Pink Floyd from pink carnations, and that's ok cos it's true.

The series Hitler's Jobbies will be in at least six episodes and will be part of Hitler weekends of repeats up to at least the year 2030.


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