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In Fear of You

by tusker 

Posted: 17 February 2011
Word Count: 489
Summary: For Oonah's challenge: It's quiet. Too quiet


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He’s followed me back to my family home. At dawn, through a crack in the curtains, I noticed his parked car. Minutes later, his fists pounded on the front door. I escaped through a back window. Now I’m running along sandy paths. My legs ache. Body sweats.

A painful stitch brings me to a stop. I flop down onto a grassy hummock. It’s quiet. Too quiet. Can’t hear the sea, gulls or any creature for that matter. Nothing stirs. Not even a breeze. I shiver after my punishing run. Last week, when I’d fled from our shared flat, I'd wanted to reach the ends of the earth and sitting here, catching my breath, I realise that no amount of running will take me away from him.

He’ll always be there no matter how hard I try to escape. He’ll be forever haunting my dreams and, the fear I feel now and have felt in the past, will remain with me until the day I die. I tremble at the thought that he might be the one to deal that final blow.

A short distance away, high upon a dune, I see a silhouette of a man standing still like a hunter watching for his prey. Flattening myself down onto tough grass, I raise my head to see that silhouette run down the dune, heading in this direction. Now there’s only one place where I might find safety. I leap up onto my feet and I can hear him shouting, ‘Alicia!’

I start running again, winding my way around sandy humps. ‘Alicia!’ That voice breaks the silence, apart from my pounding feet and harsh ragged breath.

Now I’m close to a stunted copse; a place I played in as a child. Soon branches snag at my face and clothing but I don’t feel pain as I head for centre where, long ago, my friend Maggie and I made a den; a place to hide in.

Clawing back brittle twigs, leaves and planks of wood, I find our secret lair camouflaged for over a decade. Crows begin to squawk at the sound of him crashing through the copse, his voice shrieking out my name.

About to hide, he bursts through branches into the centre, booted feet crushing bluebells. ‘There you are.’ My ex partner grins a grin of triumph. ‘Did you think you’d get away from me, Alicia?’ I shake my head. My heart thumps. ‘You’re mine,’ he says, approaching.

As he lunges for me, I jump back and he falls into the den. Bone cracks. He howls out in pain. All I can see is his head and the top of his shoulders. ‘Bitch!’ That curse comes through clenched teeth. ‘Get me out of here.’

Picking up a sturdy plank, I raise it above my head and bring it down upon his. I catch his brief look of surprise mingled with sudden fear. Then silence returns. Warily, I step forward.








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Comments by other Members



V`yonne at 13:18 on 17 February 2011  Report this post
Oh I did enjoy that Jennifer. I felt her terror and that sweet sweet revenge and the relief if it. Great stuff. You should send them this when the deadline for this one is due. I'll take a look and help you sub.

<Added>

I see that it won't be until July 1st! Try to make a note somewhere to remember that Jennifer. And I think maybe it's a wee it too short so maybe we can extend.

tusker at 17:42 on 17 February 2011  Report this post
Thanks Oonah.

Glad you liked it.

I won't be around on that date. We're off for 3 weeks!!! Back on the 2nd July. Cornwall of course.

Will it make a difference if I send it in the beginning of June?

Jennifer

Neezes at 15:04 on 02 March 2011  Report this post
Hi, Jennifer, great stuff - very vivid and emotive! I really followed the action.

Wonder if perhaps there could have been a bit more of a build up, as a lot happens in the first two lines. Perhaps you could start with a little bit about the protagonist at home, where we suspect that she's being paranoid or just don't know why she's being so jumpy...?

Looking at the Guidelines, it does say "Stories submitted for the issue before that date will be rejected without consideration." So I think June is out, but also they continue to accept submissions until they have enough, so you're probably going to be ok to send it in mid-July.

Cheers,

Jonathan

tusker at 15:10 on 02 March 2011  Report this post
Thanks Jonathan.

I think you're right about build-up.

Thanks for checking up for me.

Jennifer


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