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The House Girl - draft synopsis

by tec 

Posted: 03 February 2011
Word Count: 904
Summary: This is a first real stab at doing this, and how painful it has been. This novel is 100,000 words and 4 separate POV narratives across different time periods. I've found it very difficult to summarize with any sort of coherence or grace. All comments are very welcome!!!


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1850, Lynnhurst Virginia:

Josephine Bell is a 17-year-old house slave at Bell Creek, a failing Virginia tobacco farm owned by Mr. Robert Bell and his childless wife, the sickly Mrs. Lu Anne Bell, called Mister and Missus Lu by Josephine. Mister hits Josephine in an arbitrary act of violence and Josephine, with the morning sun in her face and honeysuckle in the air, decides that she will endure no more. Tonight, she will run.

As Josephine moves through her last day at Bell Creek, she is haunted by memories of the first time she attempted escape. Five years earlier, Josephine – pregnant with Mister’s child – ran to the local undertaker’s house, rumored to be a site on the Underground Railroad, but she was turned away. Having nowhere else to go, Josephine returned to Bell Creek, where she suffered a stillbirth. Now Josephine is determined to find the true northward route, to not repeat her mistakes. After a doctor’s visit reveals that Missus Lu is dying, Josephine struggles to reconcile her conflicting feelings for her mistress, a frustrated artist who taught Josephine to read and to paint – a skill that has proven Josephine’s salvation during her long years at Bell Creek.

Missus Lu reveals that Josephine’s child did not die at birth. Josephine has a son living in the slave cabins of a wealthy neighbor. Josephine leaves the house and pauses in the dust of the road: to the south lies her son, to the north lies the road ahead to freedom. She chooses freedom for herself.

2004, New York City:

Lina Sparrow is at loose ends, both professionally and personally. Having just embarked on her legal career at a prestigious corporate law firm in New York, she feels weightless and lost. Lina begins work on a class action lawsuit seeking trillions of dollars in reparations for descendants of American slaves. Lina’s task: to find a lead plaintiff for the lawsuit, someone with slave ancestors and a compelling personal history that will represent “the nature of the harm” of American slavery.

Lina’s father is the successful artist Oscar Sparrow, a man once crippled by the death of Lina’s mother, Grace, when Lina was four. Oscar has just completed a series of new paintings for an upcoming show. Much to Lina’s surprise, the paintings depict intimate and disturbing images of Grace – this is the first time that Oscar has ever painted Grace. Since her death, Oscar has refused to speak about Grace or permit photos of her in the house. "Your mother loved you, she died; that’s all you need to know," Oscar has always told her. And Lina, fearing a return of her father’s grief, has always believed him.

As Lina begins research for the reparations claim, she learns of a brewing controversy within the art world: art historians suspect that the famous painter, Lu Anne Bell, did not in fact create her iconic paintings. Instead, it was her house girl, Josephine Bell, who was the artistic genius. Inspired and intrigued by Josephine’s story, Lina embarks on a quest to find Josephine Bell’s descendants to serve as lead plaintiffs in the lawsuit.

In her research, Lina finds a series of letters written by a young woman, Dorothea Rounds, active in the Underground Railroad. "Last night a woman came to the house, heavy with child. She said her name was Josephine," Dorothea wrote. Lina travels to Lynnhurst, Virginia, the town where Bell Creek once stood, to track down Josephine’s child. There, she finds a mysterious manuscript written by Caleb Harper, an alcoholic and spirit-sick doctor employed by a slave catcher.

"The first day I saw Josephine is etched clear and bright in my mind." Caleb’s letter reveals what happened to Josephine after she ran from Bell Creek, continuing the narrative that opened the book. Hoping to find an Underground Railroad station, Josephine stumbles into a trap and is caught by a roving slave catcher, Benjamin Rust. Caleb helps Josephine to escape from Rust and the two run to Philadelphia where she – weakened by sickness and fearing they have been found – commits suicide. Josephine’s last request is that Caleb save her son from the Virginia plantation: Deliver him from that place.

As Lina uncovers information about Josephine, she undertakes a parallel journey to discover more about her mother, a woman who has existed only in Lina’s patchy and idealized memories. Hidden in her father’s papers, Lina finds evidence that her mother is not dead. She confronts Oscar and learns that Grace abandoned Lina and Oscar; he had lied to protect Lina, not to hurt her. "Did I do the right thing?" Oscar asks.

With the information from Caleb’s letter, Lina locates a 21st century descendant of Josephine's to serve as lead plaintiff in the lawsuit but learns that, for political reasons, the case has been dropped. Lina refuses to cancel her meeting with Josephine’s great great great great grandson and quits her corporate law job. She waits for the appointed hour of the meeting and her phone begins to ring hot in her hand; she waits.

"The House Girl" is about finding yourself and finding your history. It’s about defining yourself on the terms you decide rather than those that are handed to you by others. Most of all, it’s about the human emotions – love, regret, and a need for justice – that bind us across race, across gender, across time.






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Comments by other Members



clyroroberts at 19:29 on 05 February 2011  Report this post
Tentative comments these - please don't think I'm any kind of authority.

I think the overall story comes over clearly and it's very engaging. It's well written, clear and concise.

There is however one line that reads more like a line from the book itself rather than the synopsis. It stands out from the rest and probably needs to be pruned.

" with the morning sun in her face and honeysuckle in the air . . . "

Additionally, there are a couple of points that I thought needed more information:

"Your mother loved you, she died; that’s all you need to know," Oscar has always told her. And Lina, fearing a return of her father’s grief, has always believed him. - I don't really believe that a character who is investigating into the history of slavery could have accepted such a simplification of her own history.

Also the reference to the "arbitrary act of violence" in the first paragraph. To me it needs to be something more than arbitrary as this is the main departure point for the whole book, setting off a tragic event chain.

"She waits for the appointed hour of the meeting and her phone begins to ring hot in her hand; she waits." I wasn't at all sure what she was waiting for - sorry - I'm a bit thick.

Though these points probably come over perfectly well in the book they would make me think there might be a plot hole if I was an editor.

But I'm not an editor so please feel free to ignore these comments

James

tec at 05:41 on 06 February 2011  Report this post
Hi James,
Thanks very much for the helpful comments! The point about Lina accepting what her father tells her about her mother and yet investigating further into the life of Josephine Bell is a central tension in the book - Lina kind of displaces the desire to know more about her own mother into the search for Josephine. In the book I - hopefully - illustrate how her relationship w/ her father would allow this to happen but I agree, it's tough to buy in a short synopsis. I will work on it!

thanks again
Tara


NMott at 12:04 on 07 February 2011  Report this post
Hi, I'll go through it and post my first impressions so you can see how it's coming cross to the reader. An agent or their intern will probably only have time to read through it the once, so it should be clear first time.
If I come across unnecessary detail that can be deleted I'll put it in square brackets.
If you see me getting the wrong end of the stick about the novel, then that's something to change in the synopsis.
If there's a plot hole, then that'll be something to fix in the novel itself.




1850, Lynnhurst Virginia:

Josephine Bell is a 17-year-old house slave at Bell Creek, a failing Virginia tobacco farm FULL STOP the property is owned by Mr. Robert Bell (Mister) and his childless wife, the sickly Mrs. Lu Anne Bell (Missus Lu), [called Mister and Missus Lu by Josephine]. Mister hits Josephine [in an arbitrary act of violence] (one time too many) and Josephine, [with the morning sun in her face and honeysuckle in the air - save the fine prose for the mss itself; the agent will have read the sample chapters first so this is repetition], decides that she will endure no more. Tonight, she will run.

As Josephine moves through her last day at Bell Creek, she is haunted by memories of the first time she attempted escape. [Five years earlier, - that would have made her 12. In that day & age it's unlikely she would have reached puberty that young so I'd make it 14 or 15] Josephine – pregnant with Mister’s child – ran to the local undertaker’s house, rumored to be a site on the Underground Railroad, but she was turned away. Having nowhere else to go, Josephine returned to Bell Creek, where she suffered a stillbirth. Now Josephine is determined to find the true northward route, to not repeat her mistakes. After a doctor’s visit reveals that Missus Lu is dying, Josephine struggles to reconcile her conflicting feelings for her mistress, [a frustrated artist] who (maybe: showed her compassion, Or, treated her as the daughter she was never able to have) and taught Josephine to read and to paint – a skill that has proven Josephine’s salvation during her long years at Bell Creek.

(Joesphene is shocked when Missus Lu reveals that Josephine’s child did not die at birth. [Josephine] she has a son living in the slave cabins of a wealthy neighbor. Josephine [leaves] escapes the house and pauses in the dust of the road: to the south lies her son, to the north lies the road ahead to freedom. She chooses freedom for herself.

2004, New York City:

Lina Sparrow is at loose ends, both professionally and personally. Having just embarked on her legal career at a prestigious corporate law firm in New York, she feels [weightless and] lost. Lina begins work on a class action lawsuit seeking trillions of dollars in reparations for descendants of American slaves. Lina’s task: to find a lead plaintiff for the lawsuit, someone with slave ancestors and a compelling personal history that will represent “the nature of the harm” of American slavery.

Lina’s father is the successful artist Oscar Sparrow, a man [once crippled - Sounds like he's over it, in which case is it worth mentioning? Maybe instead say he's 'still grieving'] by the death of Lina’s mother, Grace, when Lina was four. [Oscar - this is from Linda's pov, so refer to him as her father] has just completed a series of new paintings for an upcoming show. Much to Lina’s surprise, the paintings depict intimate and disturbing images of [Grace - again, this is Linda's pov, so refer to her as her mother] [– this is the first time that Oscar has ever painted Grace]. Since her mother's death, [Oscar] her father has refused to speak about Grace or permit [photos] pictures of her in the house. "Your mother loved you, she died; that’s all you need to know," Oscar has always told her. And Lina, fearing a return of her father’s grief, has always believed him.

- how much of this is part of the main plot, and how much is just characterisation or sub-plot? If it's the latter then cut it down to a line or two, just to make the point that her father is a widower and an artist, who's started painting her late mother despite refusing to allow pictures in the house since her death. Again, no need to quote directly from the mss.

As Lina begins research for the reparations claim, she learns of a brewing controversy within the art world: art historians suspect that the famous painter, Lu Anne Bell, did not in fact create her iconic paintings. Instead, it was her house girl, Josephine Bell, who was the artistic genius. Inspired and intrigued by Josephine’s story, Lina embarks on a quest to find Josephine Bell’s descendants to serve as lead plaintiffs in the lawsuit.

In her research, Lina finds a series of letters written by a young woman, Dorothea Rounds, (who was) active in the Underground Railroad (add a date). ["Last night a woman came to the house, heavy with child. She said her name was Josephine," Dorothea wrote.] (The letters mention a pregnant girl called Josephine) and Lina travels to Lynnhurst, Virginia, the town where Bell Creek once stood, to track down Josephine’s child. There, she finds a [mysterious] manuscript written by Caleb Harper, an alcoholic and spirit-sick doctor employed by a slave catcher.

["The first day I saw Josephine is etched clear and bright in my mind."] Caleb’s letter reveals what happened to Josephine after she ran from Bell Creek, [continuing the narrative that opened the book]. Hoping to find an Underground Railroad station, Josephine [stumbles into a trap and] is caught by a roving slave catcher, Benjamin Rust. Caleb helps Josephine to escape from Rust and the two run to Philadelphia where [she] Josephine, weakened by sickness and fearing they have been found, commits suicide. Josephine’s last request is that Caleb save her son from the Virginia plantation: [Deliver him from that place.]

As Lina uncovers information about Josephine, she undertakes a parallel journey to discover more about her (own) mother, a woman who has existed only in Lina’s patchy and idealized memories. Hidden in her father’s papers, Lina finds evidence that her mother is not dead. She confronts [Oscar] her father and learns that [Grace] her mother abandoned [Lina and Oscar] them; her father says he lied to protect Lina, not to hurt her. ["Did I do the right thing?" Oscar asks.] - how does Lina feel about that?

With the information from Caleb’s letter, Lina locates a 21st century descendant of Josephine's to serve as lead plaintiff in the lawsuit but learns that, for political reasons, the case has been dropped. Lina refuses to cancel her meeting with Josephine’s great great great great grandson and quits her corporate law job. [She waits for the appointed hour of the meeting and her phone begins to ring hot in her hand; she waits.]

- is that the end?
This is a very wordy synopsis, but I did not try to cut it down because I assumed it was complete. How much of the mss does it actually cover?




["The House Girl" is about finding yourself and finding your history. It’s about defining yourself on the terms you decide rather than those that are handed to you by others. Most of all, it’s about the human emotions – love, regret, and a need for justice – that bind us across race, across gender, across time. - move this to the covering letter]


- NaomiM

tec at 18:07 on 07 February 2011  Report this post
Thanks Naomi for you comments. This is a synopsis of the full manuscript - there is a lot of plot involving secondary characters in Lina and Josephine's separate worlds that I don't mention here. Also each of the 4 sections has its own voice and POV, which I've dropped in the synopsis. What would you say is the primary function of the synopsis? I've come to see it as a functional documents, one that needs to tell the quick & dirty of your book, but also one more chance to 'hook' the agent (or whoever is reading it) and so an opportunity to show more of the flavor of the book. That's why I used lines from the manuscript - they are well enough into the text that they are not repeated in whatever pages I'll be sending initially. I'm not sure if I need them, there are other (shorter) ways to say the same thing, but I'm hoping to get across a sense of the different voices rather than 'this happened, then that, and that, the end.' I'm interested in your thoughts on what to strive for w/ the synopsis - flat out, clear prose that tells the bare bones story, or prose that imparts more of the book's 'voice' even if it means being a little more wordy ?

thanks again Naomi!

Tara


NMott at 20:19 on 07 February 2011  Report this post

The primary function of a synopsis is to show the agent oyu know how to structure a novel - that it has a proper beginning, middle and end, that the plot starts early enough, rather than too much emphasis on character introduction, background and/or setting; that there are moments of rising suspense, the character arc of the mc(s) is well developed so they come across as 3D characters and not stereotypes. If the agent gets to the end and thinks 'where's the end?' then the synopsis is not doing it's job properly.
A synopsis is not there to 'hook' the agent - as they say in their blogs, a synopsis is not a 'pitch' (- And if you are submitting to US agents, then the pitch belongs in the Query letter, not the synopsis).
An agent will be hooked if you show the mss is properly structured; that you've used your plot devices (incl. characters) to their fullest extent; that you've tied up the main plot thread(s) by the end, etc.
The sample pages/chapters are your 'hook'. They will read them first, and if they are not hooked by the prose, 'voice', story, etc, then they won't get as far as the synopsis, so you don't need to worry about 'selling' (pitching) the book via the synopsis, nor do you need to add the excerpts from the mss to add 'flavour'. As the synopsis currently stands the excerpts are ok, but you're at the upper limit if your available word count - maximum of 2 pages, single spaced (commonly 2-3 pages double spaced in the US). it doesn't feel like you've got the whole story here. Once it's fleshed out it's doubtful that you'll have the spare word count to keep them in so it's best to keep to clear prose from the start.


- NaomiM

<Added>

I would carry on with the structure of alternating historical/present day paragraphs to tell the rest of the story. I'm left wondering what happened to the son? - did Caleb help him escape? Did Josephine paint those pictures? Why did Lina's mother leave? Why is her father painting again? Does the case ever come to court?

tec at 06:57 on 08 February 2011  Report this post
That is helpful, thanks.


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