Vulture
Posted: 02 February 2011
Word Count: 75
Summary: I haven't written anything since August, so I think this oldish piece jumped out at me as an image of drought and despair. Also I'm anxious about the rapid changes in the Middle East - could be so hopeful but could also be so disastrous.
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Strong air surges up
from sharp escarpment.
I sail, God's eye, viewing
a world of eating,
being eaten.
Cold peaks- white saints
too far for mercy -
glide a distant blue called heaven,
false promises of hope's horizon.
Below me only dead meat is true.
Sand drifts like a dry river
into the greedy mouth of a lost cave,
where dust destroys the words of pure lovers.
I have eaten flesh and blood.
Bones remain.
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Comments by other Members
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 James Graham at 14:10 on 03 February 2011
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Good to hear from you again, and with such a strong poem. I like the way the vulture’s single-minded ‘code’ is set against human concerns - faith and love. I see an interesting ‘descent’ through the three stanzas, from God to saints to lovers, a kind of coming down to earth.
For me your God image is very telling.
I sail, God's eye, viewing
a world of eating,
being eaten |
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I may read it in a way you didn’t intend. The ‘eye’ of God (the God of the Old Testament at least) seems to me very like the eye of this vulture, looking down not idly but very intently on gruesome scenes - plagues and massacres, millions drowning in the Flood. A cruel eye. However, readers who have a more religious cast of mind could see ‘God’s eye’ as ironic. - the vulture ‘presuming’ to compare itself with God. In any case, it’s a strong image.
The line
| Below me only dead meat is true |
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is very fine indeed - such simplicity and power! It contrasts very effectively too with the abstract idea and language of the previous line.
‘Pushes’ doesn’t seem the best word in the first line. Another word might give a stronger impression that the vulture is ‘riding’ the air currents, as if floating on a wave. ‘Surges?’ ‘Wells’? ‘Eddies’? ‘Heaves’?
‘Cold peaks...glide a distant blue’ - ‘glide’ also seems wrong. How can peaks glide? Against moving clouds, they may seem to, but here we have a blue sky. I’m not sure what verb you could substitute, but a simple solution could be ‘Cold peaks - white saints/ too far for mercy -/ against a distant blue called heaven’. I like the imagery in these lines too, by the way.
Your note about the situation in the Middle East is interesting, but I can’t yet see how to read that level of meaning into the poem. I’ll wait and see what other group members have to say.
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 V`yonne at 17:28 on 03 February 2011
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I liked the first image here
Strong air pushes up
from sharp escarpment. |
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It seems very unstoppable like a tide of events but those events do not necessarily seem to be in the Middle East. I can see how the Vulture conjures up the desert though.
I also like
I sail, God's eye, viewing
a world of eating,
being eaten |
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very much - s bird's eye/god's eye view. This is not a God who intervenes but just watches from a distant heaven and false horizon.
I also liked the way sand chokes the greedy mouth but I wasn't quite sure about the reference to 'pure lovers'.
It certainly is a powerful image of drought and despair, as you say.
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 clyroroberts at 15:21 on 04 February 2011
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Very powerful. And a bit Yeatsian (is that a word - Yeatsian?)
" . . . while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds"
I take it as a poem about the indifference of nature to suffering personally.
I assumed the white peaks were clouds myself but still, mountains do glide on tectonic plates. There's a very fine Bringhurst poem about gliding mountains.
Two bits I thought might be sharpened a little
I agree with James about "pushes" in the 1st line - My vote's on surges. But I also thought "a world feeding / being eaten" may be more vulturish.
Also I thought just "lovers" would work better than "pure lovers".
Feel free to ignore these comments of course.
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 FelixBenson at 15:26 on 07 February 2011
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I like this very much, Una. It's interesting to note your comment about the Middle East, and influences for this poem - they give me another reading, but it's an incredibly strong poem without that context too.
I love the strength of this line:
| Below me only dead meat is true. |
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The way the stanzas are constructed give a lovely interplay of sharp sounds and short words full of emphasis: pushes /sharp/ escarpment/ eaten /peaks /saints /far /dead / meat
which convey the despair, and this wonderfully clear image (if I consider it in the context of the Israeli–Palestinian conflict), seen from above (God's eye)
viewing
a world of eating,
being eaten. |
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This conjures a strong image not just of the land dispute but also its a very compelling image of the drought, I think.
The final staza is haunting.
| greedy mouth of a lost cave |
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I have eaten flesh and blood.
Bones remain. |
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I could see both of these in terms of the dispute - and the destruction, the loss of life, waste, loss and the drought.
Powerful!
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SarahT at 23:57 on 07 February 2011
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Hi Una,
For me, the theme of the poem is in the following lines:
a world of eating,
being eaten. |
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and
false promises of hope's horizon.
Below me only dead meat is true.
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The last couple of lines seem more literal but I don't think that matters. They help to round the poem off gently.
I particularly liked the lines:
Sand drifts like a dry river
into the greedy mouth of a lost cave, |
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I could really see that in my mind's eye and the implied motion reflects the drift of the bird on the wind.
Like Oonah, though, I didn't get the reference to lovers and I wasn't sure about the Middle East implications. The poem seemed to be a comment on a more general world of desert and barrenness which, I felt, stood on those merits fine.
Sarah
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plurabelle at 21:21 on 09 February 2011
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Thank you all for your warm comments. I really appreciate the level of attention in the critique of this group.
James G., thank you for 'surges', you will see that I have pinched it for the first line. But about the gliding mountains, I want to keep them for the suggestion of an 'altered reality' as we circle the high thermals with the vulture.
I was a bit worried that the 'pure lovers' might be too obscure : what I had in mind was, on the one hand the inevitable death of 'love's young dream'; on the other, the Qumran caves and the ascetic community who lived in the desert and preserved the Dead Sea scrolls - the bones that remain are archaeological/religious bones (and the vulture is time ?)
As for 'Yeatsian', James R. !!! I have been feeling that my poems are a bit too rational, and am trying to allow the less rational more space - maybe that accounts for it.
Feeling a bit more hopeful for an end to my personal drought, and perhaps less apprehensive about Middle Eastern happenings ...
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TessaF at 15:22 on 09 January 2012
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Hi Plurabelle
I like your poem very much - such strong images.
I particularly love the clash between the transcendental world and the earthly world (and I hope I don't upset anyone here)I see in this the futility of religion.
I agree that [Below me only dead meat is true] is a very fine line and the striking ending
[I have eaten flesh and blood.
Bones remain]
brings to mind the Catholic ritual of transubstantiation (turning of bread and wine into the body and blood of Christ) and its rejection, since only 'bones remain'.
I understand that this interpretation may be personal to me but the fact that your poem can be read on many different levels is testament to how powerful it is I think.
I look forward to reading more of your poetry.
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plurabelle at 23:16 on 11 January 2012
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Thank you, Tessa, for a pleasant surprise - a new response to my poem so long after I posted it. I think you can see that I had mixed feelings about this poem at the time, so I was very glad to get a friendly critique from group members, which is typical of this group : so welcome !
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