Slade try their hardest to drive me insane -
So Here It Is - Merry Christmas,
again and again.
Noddy's rough vocals resound in my head -
cast adrift in M&S,
I so wish he were dead.
But then Bing, he starts up -
A White Christmas, his dream.
How I long for this CD to run out of steam!
He is late, Mr Crosby,
and yet still he warbles
amidst the naff tinsel and shiny gold baubles.
'SHUT THE FUCK UP!'
a fellow shopper proclaims,
brandishing a hand-gun
he deftly takes aim.
The quivering masses look on horrified -
will their season of good-will be cruelly denied?
The gunman is focused,
music system in his sights,
just one tender squeeze,
and at last, silent night.