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The Kite Sky

by Arthur 

Posted: 07 December 2002
Word Count: 192

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Tinwad was a little boy who lived in the crowded city of Aswastan in Northern India. Every evening he enjoyed going on to the roof of his house and watching all the other children in the city flying their kites from the rooftops.

Tinwad liked to lie on the wooden bench his father had built and stare at the horizon. In the summer months the sun took a long time to set in the sky and stars would start to appear before the sun had fully gone down. He would like lie there and flick his glances back and too, first at the kites, then at the stars, then back to the kites; back to the stars, until the two became to appear inseperable parts of the same object - one great glittering, wavering sky.

Soaring high in the air on a thin piece of string, the kites where little more than tiny specks of dust twinkling in the distance a million miles from earth. The stars, still faint in the early evening, would also flutter in the heat-drenched atmosphere, as if pulled to and fro by the boys on the roof tops.

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Comments by other Members

Agnieszka Ryk at 15:19 on 17 December 2002  Report this post
i love this. Very moving

Anna Reynolds at 13:26 on 20 February 2003  Report this post
This has a fantastic atmopshere- and the image/metaphor of the stars and kites in the 'great glittering, wavering sky' is lovely. Very potent and really shows what you can do in a very short piece. Couple of comments- maybe think about beginning the second paragraph with something other than Tinwad- it's repetitive of the first par- and also it would be lovely to have just a little sense of what he's escaping from, ie. the 'crowded city of Aswastan'. tell us a little more- but overall this is a delightful spict bite.

skyblue2 at 17:45 on 06 March 2003  Report this post
You might try it as a poem

Jubbly at 19:47 on 17 March 2003  Report this post
This is a beautiful, piece of imagery. I particularly liked the rythmn of last paragraph. The whole piece shows a lovely spirit.

paul53 at 18:35 on 26 April 2003  Report this post
Very nice; the painting of a tender portrait with carefully selected words.

Stacey at 17:42 on 07 May 2003  Report this post
This is a lovely piece, very visual. I like the imagery of the stars and kites becoming the same object. I agree with David, maybe you should try it as a poem?

Best wishes,

old friend at 14:28 on 11 September 2003  Report this post
A nice example of a creative mind, Authur.
'Back and forth' or 'to and fro', not 'back and too' if it were, it would not be a double 'o'.

Read your piece very carefully and correct the mistakes...'he would like (to) lie there' and 'were' not 'where' in the third paragraph.

As you develop your talent (and you do 'have it') you will appreciate the need to read and re-read the work you write, particularly if you wish others (publishers, agents and editors) to read it. Try to become your own most serious critic.

Good Luck.

old friend, Len

TheGodfather at 15:31 on 10 August 2004  Report this post

I agree this would be a splendid piece of poetry. A nice atmosphere described though for fiction I wondered why I was looking at this, a reason it would work great as a snapshot in time for poetry.



typo alert

the kites where little more than >> the kites were little more than

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