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A pagan festival

by woodsville 

Posted: 04 August 2010
Word Count: 119
Summary: An exercise in extending a metaphor. In this case a crystal


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Swathed in black velvet and chalk white face he swung a deep blue
crystal. Long, dark with gold flecks like some big, oily nail,
but with spots of rust peeping through.

Each swing clanged a thudding in my head
increasing to a crashing, banging in the heat of the afternoon –
sun stroke, dehydration, migraine - sensible.

A ripening moment of madness – could it be
unsettled emotion rapping at a door. Then a
feeling pinned my awkwardness

a writhing, frothing, drowning awoke bystanders
passing in a flap. A jitteriness embalmed the crowd
a common aching gap.

Then the crystal rippled swirling energy
evaporating interest. The black cloak lay in a heap a
feather floating where the stranger stood.







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Comments by other Members



James Graham at 16:42 on 08 August 2010  Report this post
Patrick, I see you haven't had any comments on this poem so far - there doesn't seem to be much activity just now in any case - so I don't like to break the silence with a negative one. But I have to say that so far this new poem of yours has defeated me. I get a very general impression of a pagan ritual (as the title indicates) - used as a metaphor for an emotional crisis? I can visualise to some extent the cloaked figure and the crystal, but I'm sorry to say I can't go much further.

If you want to give me a 'synopsis' of the poem's ideas, we could discuss that, and it might help to clarify the poem itself.

James.

FelixBenson at 12:20 on 14 August 2010  Report this post
Hi Patrick

Well this poem is certainly intriguing. It seems a bit like a moment of magic at a fair. This character with his black velvet cloak and 'chalk white' face swings a large crystal which seems to have some kind of physical effect causing in the narrator 'a thudding in my head' which he then tries to doubt is caused by the crystal, wishing to explain it as:

sun stroke, dehydration, migraine
instead?

Then it awakes in the narrator some kind of strange feeling, and affected everyone with 'jitteriness' and a:
a common aching gap.


which is an intriguing image (is that an image of death?).

At which point the man with the crystal disappears, leaving a feather behind.

I think this is a representation of some illusion. Perhaps linked to hypnosis?

Is the mysterious man with the crystal a personification of the crystal itself? I am just guessing that from your comments about the poem rather than my reading of the poem itself. A crystal might be kept in black velvet bag or box after all.

I would be interested to know more about the origins of the poem...because I feel I am not getting the full picture either.

Maybe some of this is on the right track?

Best, Kirsty


V`yonne at 20:58 on 14 August 2010  Report this post
Seemed to me like the work of a wizard or magician - a kind of Prospero character doing a disappearing act but I may be all wrong.


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