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Haiku
Posted: 02 August 2010
Word Count: 17
Summary: Just thought I'd pop this in
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grey walls
mullion windows conceal
habits.
--------
Webbed feet
patter on
sun warmed
roof
wakens
the day
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Comments by other Members
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 V`yonne at 09:15 on 02 August 2010
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Love it! I think I might put conceal alongside windows to give habits more force on the line of its own. This one says a lot! Just as good haiku should.
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 tusker at 15:14 on 02 August 2010
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Thanks to you all.
Wrote this in Cornwall where there is a convent tucked away down a lane.
Have done as you suggested, Oonah.
Jennifer
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V`yonne at 20:33 on 14 August 2010
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I think you can fit that one into the traditional 3 line form, Jennifer -
Webbed feet patter on
sun warmed roof
wakens the day
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Nella at 21:50 on 14 August 2010
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I'd like the three line form better, too. Seems to me it should be "waken" and not "wakens" - unless you're using "patter" as a noun. Maybe you are, and I just didn't get it at first.
Lovely image, Jennifer.
Robin
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tusker at 16:34 on 15 August 2010
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Thanks Robin and Oonah.
Will fiddle with it as suggested.
Jennifer
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 joanie at 08:11 on 23 August 2010
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Great images, Jennifer. I particularly like how the first one can hint at the other meaning of 'habits', which lie concealed behind mullioned windows; it makes the point well as a single word.
I, too, prefer the three-lined haiku, and agree with Robin that 'wakens' can confuse, but I can hear those feet as I read! I know the sound well; a reminder of summer. We should come back and re-read when it's January!
Enjoyable!
joanie
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Thomas Norman at 19:23 on 13 August 2014
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The first one is brilliant. I agree the second would be much better as 3 lines as Oonah suggests. But don't change wakens, it gives it character and that is more important than correctness!
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FelixBenson
