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Rosebuds in the Taff

by nickb 

Posted: 16 July 2010
Word Count: 157
Summary: This actually happened....in general.


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Our blades scoop up cotton rosebuds,
grey weed, heavy clay.
A fine day to be face down,
shadowed on the river bottom
in a slow dense spin.
This old girl, hull down,
drifted in an unnoticed hour
from noisy loving childhood
to silent old age.

We are wary of the water logged.
Do we hold arms, feet or clothes
to lift her dead weight
dripping on the landing stage?
The sun stiffens her wax to effigy
brushed by roses caught in the breeze

We sit with the dismal dead
and suppress a laugh,
or pick at grass in the warmth.

When her son comes,
his face dappled with dread,
he grips binoculars.
A swift look staggers him.
He deflates, boyhood wheezing
finally from middle age
with an acrid rattle.

“She tried this once before” he murmers,
chokes out one more word and stops.
We have no response, but await the police
with guilty eagerness,
and in silence.






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Comments by other Members



FelixBenson at 14:39 on 16 July 2010  Report this post
This must have been a pretty shocking and upsetting incident!

No wonder you felt as you did in those final lines:
await the police
with guilty eagerness,
and in silence.


But you have turned it into a really wonderful, (and strangely) lovely poem.

I really think the imagery around aging that recurs here is very very effective.

How you pair the lines about the dead mother:

This old girl, hull down,
drifted in an unnoticed hour
from noisy loving childhood
to silent old age.


with the son's:

He deflates, boyhood wheezing
finally from middle age
with an acrid rattle.


Giving him, the alive son, a sort of death rattle. Whilst his mother is linked with the boats and the water:

This old girl, hull down,
and
A fine day to be face down,


There is a lot in here to read - very dense, lots of rich imagery.

I am just responding after one or two reads, but I want to read it again and comment more.

A fine poem.

Kirsty

<Added>

We are wary of the water logged
is a fabulous line too...

V`yonne at 20:23 on 20 July 2010  Report this post
I can think of few things more awful than that - not the poem - the corpse...

nickb at 11:06 on 21 July 2010  Report this post
Thanks for the feedback guys. Yes it was a bit of a shock - not what you expect when you go out for a training session. It was the first time I'd seen a dead person so you can imagine the impact.

V`yonne at 10:22 on 25 July 2010  Report this post
Nick, were you sick or did you manage to keep it down? Truly horrific!

nickb at 08:41 on 27 July 2010  Report this post
Oonah, sorry, I obviously took the subject matter a bit too literally. Strangely I don't remember being revolted at the time, we just got on with it. It was certainly very uncomfortable when her son came looking for her. Never having experienced bereavement, and being young and thoughtless it was difficult to know what to do. But the experience has stayed with me all this time and is very clear in my mind.

Don't know what it is about the Taff but the guys at the rowing club have found at least two more that I know of.

There but for the grace of God....etc

N


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