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The Foundling.

by choille 

Posted: 18 June 2010
Word Count: 374
Summary: Haven't written nowt for ages so tried this for the miracle challenge.


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The baby was tiny: fitted into her cupped palm. He lay back, head against her finger pads and smiled.

Miriam carried him through to the lounge and popped him in the fruit bowl beside the bananas and a wizened Satsuma.

Returning to the kitchen she stroked Two-Stroke the ginger tom and poured him the top of the milk. She eyed the cat flap and marvelled that the baby appeared unharmed; wondered if she hadn’t been sat here shelling peas the cat may have tossed the foundling about like a vole.

She went and fetched a box from the garage that held toys and tipped it onto the table. She gathered up some doll clothes and went to get the baby. She couldn’t find him, even after lifting out the fruit. Miriam checked behind the cushions on the settee, crouched down and looked under the furniture but he wasn’t there. She brought a chair from the kitchen, stood on it ran her hand along the top of the display cabenet - nothing but dust that shimmered in the slatted- blind light. Stepping off the chair she noticed him - the baby, leaning out of the silver christening mug that had passed down on her maternal Grandmother’s side.
His little eyes were bright blue but he looked cold pressed against the tarnished metal, his flesh as pale as velum.
Even the doll’s clothes were a bit big, and she blew on him to warm him up. She tried feeding him with an eye dropper but he grizzled and twisted his little head this way and that, so she let him be and he snuggled down and slept in a sheep skin slipper Miriam had placed in her desk.
She felt like a bad Mother sliding down the louvered front and turning the key in the lock.
She put the cat out and jammed the cat flat shut.

In the morning he was gone. Miriam searched the house, the garden: peered along the brassica lines and shoved about in the potato patch. She bullied about in the rhubarb but he wasn’t clinging to any of the stems under the big leaves so she ran down the road wailing then stepped into the path of a steam roller.






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Comments by other Members



V`yonne at 09:13 on 19 June 2010  Report this post
This is surreal and unsettling.
His little eyes were bright blue but he looked cold pressed against the tarnished metal, his flesh as pale as velum.
Why does that line frighten me so - it's nightmare quality I suppose. You nshould send this somewhere that likes surreal... Fascinating and scary.

tractor at 13:41 on 19 June 2010  Report this post

I hope I'm right in considering this a clever play on Moses and the bullrushes? Anyway, really enjoyable quality writing.

Cheers

Mark

Elbowsnitch at 16:59 on 19 June 2010  Report this post
Wow, Caroline - a story with your trademark strangeness and richness of language. And the achievement of extraordinary effects, e.g.

His little eyes were bright blue but he looked cold pressed against the tarnished metal, his flesh as pale as velum.


The last sentence is utterly amazing -

She bullied about in the rhubarb but he wasn’t clinging to any of the stems under the big leaves so she ran down the road wailing then stepped into the path of a steam roller.


'bullied about' - wow! and 'stepped into the path of a steam roller' - this has a joke-like feel, a child-like quality that underlines the weirdness of the whole story.

Frances

LMJT at 09:44 on 20 June 2010  Report this post
Hi Caroline,

What a surreal piece! I liked the idea behind this and the fact that I just didn't know what was going to happen next. Agree with others about the last line, which is great!

Great stuff!

Thanks,
Liam

Findy at 11:16 on 20 June 2010  Report this post
I'm not sure I've got the hang of this Caroline, I loved the descriptions the MC went about searching for the missing 'baby'. Is the baby a kitten

findy

Riff Raff at 22:55 on 23 June 2010  Report this post
Beautiful and frightening in a wonderful fairy story way.

The last line felt unnecessary. Not sure why, I think perhaps the rest of the story was such, you might not have needed the last dramatic act of the steam roller. Unless this was a take on a fable?

Yes, you should send this somewhere. It's certainly good enough. Excellent in fact.



choille at 21:27 on 26 June 2010  Report this post
Many thanks all for reading & taking the time to comment - much appreciated as I haven't manged to write a lot for a while.

All the best
Caroline.


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