Allison`s Journey or Under the Palm Trees
by keancy70
Posted: 09 June 2010 Word Count: 2246 Summary: I am posting two parts here today as I need advice please. They read pretty much the same but one is written in first person (11 chapters completed in that manner)the other only part through chapter one as I have re-written in third person. I would like to know which flows better please? If either. Both are only first draws, so need editing more yet. Be brutal I need to know. Thank you. |
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The Unexpected
I, a very excited Allison Miller, was on route to Rio de Janeiro. It had been a while since I had a vacation.
Not long after take off I heard a voice booming over the speaker.
“This is your Captain speaking,” a man's voice filled the cabin.
He went through the usual speech of directions, weather, life jackets and over head masks etcetera but I had already tuned out and while studying the on board films on offer today.
I decided on a film and waited for the attendant to walk down the aisle, armed with a small notepad and pencil I'd pulled from my jeans pocket. When she was in reach I waved her over and gestured headphones with my hands. She understood me at once and handed me a set from the trolley she was pulling along.
“Would you like anything else Madam?” she'd asked me.
I shook my head, smiled and mouthed “thank you.”
I could see both flight attendants looking at me, the one from the drink cart whispering while touching her throat. She'd seen my scar. I lost the ability to speak about a year ago when doctors had found a cancerous growth on my larynx. The only sound I was able to make these days were almost inaudible sighs.
Seated next to me was a rather large man who I could continuously feel leering at me, how very unsettling. I quickly shoved the headphones over my ears and switched on the monitor in the headrest in-front of me. The film began and for the next two hours at least I could stare ahead and forget him.
About four hours into the flight the attendants had offered food. After reading the menu I had decided on the Chicken Risotto. While I waited for the meal to arrive I'd glanced across to the isle on my right, carefully avoiding eye contact with the large man next to me; I could still feel him staring at me and shuddered slightly. The two seats across the aisle were occupied by two men in suits who were deeply engrossed in a conversation about chemicals. I assumed they were on a business trip.
I was relieved when the food arrived because I no longer had to look around aimlessly. The man next to me might have thought me rude because I hadn’t spoken to him, but I didn't care. After a visit to the rest room I got comfortable and soon fell asleep.
I was unsure how long I'd been asleep but woke with a start and sat upright in my seat. A quick look out of the window informed me it was night time.
Bang, I realized what had woken me so abruptly, as the plane shuddered.
Bang, another bolt of lightning illuminated the sky whilst zigzagging through the night.
Panic set in around me. For the first time I allowed myself to look at the leering man next to me and noted the pearls of sweat forming on his balding head, his eyes wide in sheer panic.
The plane nose-dived as we dropped a few thousand feet rapidly. My hands gripped the arms-rests so tight my knuckles stood out white. With an all mighty boom another lightning bolt hit the cabin just a few feet ahead of me and ripped a gaping hole into the side of the plane. People were screaming as a few rows of seats got sucked straight out into the night.
Masks and life jackets flapped around in-front of our faces, quickly I pulled one over my face and fumbled myself into a life jacket. Realizing the man next to me had lost consciousness I pulled a mask on his face too. A gasp escaped my throat as another lightning bolt lit up the sky and I could see water glistening just a few hundred feet below us.
Before I could understand the magnitude of the situation another ripping sound tore through the body of the plane and the section I had been seated in broke off from the rest. With the gaping hole now ahead of me and more screaming around me I put my head between my legs and braced myself for impact. A few more seconds later we hit and the water rushed in, I quickly unbuckled my seat belt and tried to stand up.
“Ouch,” I thought as I felt excruciating pain shooting up from my left ankle.
There was no time to worry about that now, I had to get out of the quickly sinking wreck. I pushed myself upward again and managed to swim out of the opening ahead of me. I reached the surface and gasped for breath while swimming aimlessly for a moment. Everything was still around me, all I could hear was the waves gently floating past me. I had no idea if anyone else had managed to get out of the wreckage and I couldn't see around me, it was pitch black. My left ankle was extremely painful, unsure whether it was broken or not my only thought was survival.
How ironic! A year ago cancer could have killed me, now I am bopping around in the middle of Atlantic Ocean having survived a plane crash, for now!
“I Wonder how many life’s I had left.”
Still holding on to my thoughts the clouds suddenly shifted and a full moon lit up the ocean around me. My eyes adjusted and I realized I was pretty much alone aside from a couple of bodies and a load of debris floating nearby. I focused more and scanned the horizon for any sign of life but couldn't find any. Just as my hopes of getting out of this nightmare alive were fading I faintly made out some shapes a few hundred feet ahead of me. Squinting my eyes some more I realized the shapes were actually palm trees. I had to reach them!
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3rd person
The Unexpected
Allison Miller sat back in her seat relaxed and happy, on board flight 603 to Rio de Janeiro, buckled up like the sign overhead suggested, ready for take off. While more passengers boarded, she watched workers bustle around on the tarmac below her, through the window. Eventually the attendants closed and secured the doors and the plane taxied down the run way. Butterfly’s swirled around her stomach as the wheels left the ground and the plane gained altitude pressing her to the seat.
Not long after take off she heard a voice booming over the speaker. “This is your Captain speaking,” his voice filled the cabin as he explained safety drills, flight directions, weather and the estimate arrival time at the destination.
Allison decided on a film to watch during the flight and anxiously scanned the aisle for the flight attendants to pass, in her hands she held a pen and paper ready, should it be needed. As the attendant reached her row of seats she waved to get her attention and gestured headphones, with her hands. The attendant understood at once and passed her a set from the trolley she was pushing along.
“Would you like anything else madam?” she pointed to various items on top of the trolley.
Mouthing a “no thank you” Allison shook her head, smiling politely.
From the corner of her eye she could see both flight attendants looking at her, the one from the drink cart whispering while touching her throat. She had obviously seen her scar, a year ago when doctors had found and removed a cancerous growth on her larynx she'd almost lost the complete ability to speak. On a good day she managed to whisper but only barely.
In the seat next to her a large, balding man sat leering at her ever since boarding and it unsettled her. Shoving the headphones over her ears, looking straight ahead to the screen, she tuned out and almost managed to forget him for the next two hours while the film ran.
Four hours into the flight the attendants offered food, and after studying the menu Allison had chosen the Risotto. While she waited for the food to arrive she'd glanced across the aisle, carefully avoiding eye contact with the still leering man next to her, she shuddered slightly. In the two rows almost opposite her, two men were seated, dressed in suits, perhaps on a business trip, both deep in a loud conversation about chemicals.
With relief she noted the two attendants wheel the trolley toward their area handing out meals to passengers, it meant she'd be able to eat shortly rather then have to stare aimlessly around the cabin any longer. She was convinced the leering man would think her rude for not speaking to him but she didn't care. After a quick trip to the rest room, she got comfy in her seat and not long after her heavy eyelids plunged her into darkness.
Allison woke with a start , unsure how long she'd been asleep, and sat bolt upright in her seat. While still trying to focus on a reason for the rude awakening, sheer horror seemed to have gripped her fellow passengers around her. Gasps and shrieks from all directions. A quick glance out of her window informed her night had fallen.
Bang! She realized what had woken her so abruptly, as the plane shuddered and bounced around on thin air.
Bang! Another bolt of lightning illuminated the sky whilst zigzagging through the night. More gasps around her and somewhere ahead she heard a child cry softly.
Panic set in around her and for the first time she allowed herself to look at the leering man sat beside her, pearls of sweat forming on his balding head, his eyes wide in sheer panic. Seatbelt signs flashed wildly at her from ahead of the cabin, and she could her them clicking into place just like her own.
The plane nose-dived as it dropped a few thousand feet rapidly, sucking her into her chair. Gripping the arms-rests tight her knuckles stood out as white as her neighbours face. With an all mighty boom another lightning bolt tore the cabin just a few feet ahead of where they were seated and ripped a gaping hole into the side of the plane. People screamed as a few rows of seats got sucked straight out into the night, with the passengers still seated in them.
With a popping sound masks and life jackets fell from the ceiling and flapped around in-front of their faces, quickly Allison pulled one over her face and fumbled her way into a life jacket. Realizing the man next to her had lost consciousness she pulled a mask on his face too, her hands wet with his sweat afterwards. A gasp escaped from her throat as another lightning bolt lit up the sky and water glistened just a few hundred feet below.
Before anyone could understand the magnitude of the situation another ripping sound tore through the body of the plane and the section she'd been seated in broke off from the rest. With the gaping hole now ahead of and more screaming surrounding her she positioned her head between both knees and braced for impact. A few more seconds later the plane hit and the water rushed in icy-cold and fast. Quickly unbuckling her seat belt she pushed from her seat to get free from the wreckage before it got sucked under by the rushing water.
“Ouch,” excruciating pain shoot up her leg from the left ankle.
There was no time to worry about that now, she had to get out of the quickly sinking wreck. Pushing upward again she managed to scramble free and swim out of the opening ahead.
Her head popped out of the water to the surface and a deep gasp of air filled her lungs with relief, while swimming aimlessly for a moment. Tilting her head slightly she listened out into the black night everything was still around her, the only thing sound drifting to her ears were the waves gently floating past.
Unaware if anyone else had managed to get out of the wreckage and petrified as nothing but darkness surround her she continued to kick her legs to stay afloat, hoping deep down no sharks were looking for a night time feast tonight. Every movement of her legs painfully reminded her of the excruciating pain in her left ankle, but survival was the key, nothing else mattered.
It was pretty ironic how a year ago cancer had threatened to take her life and after surviving that, the devil tried to claim her again tonight, yet again he failed miserably.
“I Wonder how many life’s I have left.” she thought to herself as the clouds shifted of the moon to reveal nothing but ocean, debris and floating bodies around her. It appeared she was alone.
Focussing her eyes while swirling slowly around her on axis, in the ocean, her eyes scanned the horizon for any sign of rescue. For a moment her legs came to a hold below the surface, the pain just to much to bare and the hope of getting out of the nightmare surrounding her fading fast, when something in the distance caught her eye.
Faintly in her sight were some dark shapes lining the horizon, squinting her eyes together while kicking her legs again gently, she realized the shapes were actually palm trees.
The goal would be to reach them, preferably alive!
I, a very excited Allison Miller, was on route to Rio de Janeiro. It had been a while since I had a vacation.
Not long after take off I heard a voice booming over the speaker.
“This is your Captain speaking,” a man's voice filled the cabin.
He went through the usual speech of directions, weather, life jackets and over head masks etcetera but I had already tuned out and while studying the on board films on offer today.
I decided on a film and waited for the attendant to walk down the aisle, armed with a small notepad and pencil I'd pulled from my jeans pocket. When she was in reach I waved her over and gestured headphones with my hands. She understood me at once and handed me a set from the trolley she was pulling along.
“Would you like anything else Madam?” she'd asked me.
I shook my head, smiled and mouthed “thank you.”
I could see both flight attendants looking at me, the one from the drink cart whispering while touching her throat. She'd seen my scar. I lost the ability to speak about a year ago when doctors had found a cancerous growth on my larynx. The only sound I was able to make these days were almost inaudible sighs.
Seated next to me was a rather large man who I could continuously feel leering at me, how very unsettling. I quickly shoved the headphones over my ears and switched on the monitor in the headrest in-front of me. The film began and for the next two hours at least I could stare ahead and forget him.
About four hours into the flight the attendants had offered food. After reading the menu I had decided on the Chicken Risotto. While I waited for the meal to arrive I'd glanced across to the isle on my right, carefully avoiding eye contact with the large man next to me; I could still feel him staring at me and shuddered slightly. The two seats across the aisle were occupied by two men in suits who were deeply engrossed in a conversation about chemicals. I assumed they were on a business trip.
I was relieved when the food arrived because I no longer had to look around aimlessly. The man next to me might have thought me rude because I hadn’t spoken to him, but I didn't care. After a visit to the rest room I got comfortable and soon fell asleep.
I was unsure how long I'd been asleep but woke with a start and sat upright in my seat. A quick look out of the window informed me it was night time.
Bang, I realized what had woken me so abruptly, as the plane shuddered.
Bang, another bolt of lightning illuminated the sky whilst zigzagging through the night.
Panic set in around me. For the first time I allowed myself to look at the leering man next to me and noted the pearls of sweat forming on his balding head, his eyes wide in sheer panic.
The plane nose-dived as we dropped a few thousand feet rapidly. My hands gripped the arms-rests so tight my knuckles stood out white. With an all mighty boom another lightning bolt hit the cabin just a few feet ahead of me and ripped a gaping hole into the side of the plane. People were screaming as a few rows of seats got sucked straight out into the night.
Masks and life jackets flapped around in-front of our faces, quickly I pulled one over my face and fumbled myself into a life jacket. Realizing the man next to me had lost consciousness I pulled a mask on his face too. A gasp escaped my throat as another lightning bolt lit up the sky and I could see water glistening just a few hundred feet below us.
Before I could understand the magnitude of the situation another ripping sound tore through the body of the plane and the section I had been seated in broke off from the rest. With the gaping hole now ahead of me and more screaming around me I put my head between my legs and braced myself for impact. A few more seconds later we hit and the water rushed in, I quickly unbuckled my seat belt and tried to stand up.
“Ouch,” I thought as I felt excruciating pain shooting up from my left ankle.
There was no time to worry about that now, I had to get out of the quickly sinking wreck. I pushed myself upward again and managed to swim out of the opening ahead of me. I reached the surface and gasped for breath while swimming aimlessly for a moment. Everything was still around me, all I could hear was the waves gently floating past me. I had no idea if anyone else had managed to get out of the wreckage and I couldn't see around me, it was pitch black. My left ankle was extremely painful, unsure whether it was broken or not my only thought was survival.
How ironic! A year ago cancer could have killed me, now I am bopping around in the middle of Atlantic Ocean having survived a plane crash, for now!
“I Wonder how many life’s I had left.”
Still holding on to my thoughts the clouds suddenly shifted and a full moon lit up the ocean around me. My eyes adjusted and I realized I was pretty much alone aside from a couple of bodies and a load of debris floating nearby. I focused more and scanned the horizon for any sign of life but couldn't find any. Just as my hopes of getting out of this nightmare alive were fading I faintly made out some shapes a few hundred feet ahead of me. Squinting my eyes some more I realized the shapes were actually palm trees. I had to reach them!
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3rd person
The Unexpected
Allison Miller sat back in her seat relaxed and happy, on board flight 603 to Rio de Janeiro, buckled up like the sign overhead suggested, ready for take off. While more passengers boarded, she watched workers bustle around on the tarmac below her, through the window. Eventually the attendants closed and secured the doors and the plane taxied down the run way. Butterfly’s swirled around her stomach as the wheels left the ground and the plane gained altitude pressing her to the seat.
Not long after take off she heard a voice booming over the speaker. “This is your Captain speaking,” his voice filled the cabin as he explained safety drills, flight directions, weather and the estimate arrival time at the destination.
Allison decided on a film to watch during the flight and anxiously scanned the aisle for the flight attendants to pass, in her hands she held a pen and paper ready, should it be needed. As the attendant reached her row of seats she waved to get her attention and gestured headphones, with her hands. The attendant understood at once and passed her a set from the trolley she was pushing along.
“Would you like anything else madam?” she pointed to various items on top of the trolley.
Mouthing a “no thank you” Allison shook her head, smiling politely.
From the corner of her eye she could see both flight attendants looking at her, the one from the drink cart whispering while touching her throat. She had obviously seen her scar, a year ago when doctors had found and removed a cancerous growth on her larynx she'd almost lost the complete ability to speak. On a good day she managed to whisper but only barely.
In the seat next to her a large, balding man sat leering at her ever since boarding and it unsettled her. Shoving the headphones over her ears, looking straight ahead to the screen, she tuned out and almost managed to forget him for the next two hours while the film ran.
Four hours into the flight the attendants offered food, and after studying the menu Allison had chosen the Risotto. While she waited for the food to arrive she'd glanced across the aisle, carefully avoiding eye contact with the still leering man next to her, she shuddered slightly. In the two rows almost opposite her, two men were seated, dressed in suits, perhaps on a business trip, both deep in a loud conversation about chemicals.
With relief she noted the two attendants wheel the trolley toward their area handing out meals to passengers, it meant she'd be able to eat shortly rather then have to stare aimlessly around the cabin any longer. She was convinced the leering man would think her rude for not speaking to him but she didn't care. After a quick trip to the rest room, she got comfy in her seat and not long after her heavy eyelids plunged her into darkness.
Allison woke with a start , unsure how long she'd been asleep, and sat bolt upright in her seat. While still trying to focus on a reason for the rude awakening, sheer horror seemed to have gripped her fellow passengers around her. Gasps and shrieks from all directions. A quick glance out of her window informed her night had fallen.
Bang! She realized what had woken her so abruptly, as the plane shuddered and bounced around on thin air.
Bang! Another bolt of lightning illuminated the sky whilst zigzagging through the night. More gasps around her and somewhere ahead she heard a child cry softly.
Panic set in around her and for the first time she allowed herself to look at the leering man sat beside her, pearls of sweat forming on his balding head, his eyes wide in sheer panic. Seatbelt signs flashed wildly at her from ahead of the cabin, and she could her them clicking into place just like her own.
The plane nose-dived as it dropped a few thousand feet rapidly, sucking her into her chair. Gripping the arms-rests tight her knuckles stood out as white as her neighbours face. With an all mighty boom another lightning bolt tore the cabin just a few feet ahead of where they were seated and ripped a gaping hole into the side of the plane. People screamed as a few rows of seats got sucked straight out into the night, with the passengers still seated in them.
With a popping sound masks and life jackets fell from the ceiling and flapped around in-front of their faces, quickly Allison pulled one over her face and fumbled her way into a life jacket. Realizing the man next to her had lost consciousness she pulled a mask on his face too, her hands wet with his sweat afterwards. A gasp escaped from her throat as another lightning bolt lit up the sky and water glistened just a few hundred feet below.
Before anyone could understand the magnitude of the situation another ripping sound tore through the body of the plane and the section she'd been seated in broke off from the rest. With the gaping hole now ahead of and more screaming surrounding her she positioned her head between both knees and braced for impact. A few more seconds later the plane hit and the water rushed in icy-cold and fast. Quickly unbuckling her seat belt she pushed from her seat to get free from the wreckage before it got sucked under by the rushing water.
“Ouch,” excruciating pain shoot up her leg from the left ankle.
There was no time to worry about that now, she had to get out of the quickly sinking wreck. Pushing upward again she managed to scramble free and swim out of the opening ahead.
Her head popped out of the water to the surface and a deep gasp of air filled her lungs with relief, while swimming aimlessly for a moment. Tilting her head slightly she listened out into the black night everything was still around her, the only thing sound drifting to her ears were the waves gently floating past.
Unaware if anyone else had managed to get out of the wreckage and petrified as nothing but darkness surround her she continued to kick her legs to stay afloat, hoping deep down no sharks were looking for a night time feast tonight. Every movement of her legs painfully reminded her of the excruciating pain in her left ankle, but survival was the key, nothing else mattered.
It was pretty ironic how a year ago cancer had threatened to take her life and after surviving that, the devil tried to claim her again tonight, yet again he failed miserably.
“I Wonder how many life’s I have left.” she thought to herself as the clouds shifted of the moon to reveal nothing but ocean, debris and floating bodies around her. It appeared she was alone.
Focussing her eyes while swirling slowly around her on axis, in the ocean, her eyes scanned the horizon for any sign of rescue. For a moment her legs came to a hold below the surface, the pain just to much to bare and the hope of getting out of the nightmare surrounding her fading fast, when something in the distance caught her eye.
Faintly in her sight were some dark shapes lining the horizon, squinting her eyes together while kicking her legs again gently, she realized the shapes were actually palm trees.
The goal would be to reach them, preferably alive!
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