Work The Angles synopsis
Posted: 14 May 2010
Word Count: 516
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Work The Angles by David Mayer
Chris Calder feels that life as an underpaid theatre technician is going nowhere. After a chance meeting, ex-con Tony O’Brien makes him a proposition: they will steal a bag of money which his employer, Jimmy McIntire, an old-school villain who has moved into the drugs trade, regularly delivers to the suburban home of crooked accountant, Felix Slater-West.
Jack Conway, an ageing career criminal diagnosed with a condition which will leave him permanently blind, also plans to steal the next delivery from Felix’s safe.
Rob Ellis, an ambitious small-time criminal, hopes to rip off McIntire’s next consignment. At a private party in a Colombian restaurant, he sees McIntire in conversation with Ernesto Calda, local businessman and cocaine cartel overlord, and exchanges phone numbers with Calda’s daughter, Cristina, although warned off by Jaime, Calda’s bodyguard.
Chris agrees to O’Brien’s scheme. During the robbery, O’Brien and Conway clash and Felix is killed by a stray shot. O’Brien and Chris leave with the money. Chris suspects that O’Brien intends to kill him in order to remove a witness to Felix’s killing. Returning to O’Brien’s flat, Chris shoots O’Brien.
Calda tells McIntire that a large cocaine shipment has been seized in a customs raid. He suspects there is an informant, and seems suspicious of McIntire, suggesting that he use one of Calda’s trusted men as a driver. Considering it beneath him, Jaime palms the job off to Rob Ellis, now courting Cristina. Ellis agrees, reporting on McIntire’s movements to Jaime, finding the situation uncomfortable, caught between McIntire and Calda.
Although fearful of arrest and troubled by remorse over O’Brien’s death, Chris plans a new life with the proceeds of the robbery. He runs into Barry, who asks if he will attend a funeral service for O’Brien. Jack Conway is drinking with Barry, who he suspects of being O’Brien’s accomplice. Recognising Chris, Conway follows him. Seeing Chris deposit a large amount of cash at a bank, Conway is convinced that he has the money.
Conway unsuccessfully pursues Chris as he moves the money across town the next day. He enlists Barry to arrange a meeting with Chris, telling Barry he will do the talking. Conway instead lies in wait outside, hoping to follow Chris to the money. Barry leaves the bar, lifting Chris’s jacket to protect him from the rain. Mistaking him for Chris, Conway follows Barry. Chris emerges from the bar, observed by Ray Randall, McIntire’s lieutenant.
McIntire and Randall seize Chris and the money from the house where he is lying low. Ellis driving, they find themselves in a trap, their car boxed in on a narrow side street. Jaime and the other gunmen, under orders from Calda, execute McIntire, suspected police informant or convenient scapegoat, then leave with Ellis.
Unscathed but dazed on the floor of the car, Chris runs from the scene. Hearing distant sirens behind him, he realizes that the bag of money is still inside the car, lost to him now. Walking on with a sense of unreality, he finds himself in the City Airport, reflecting on what has happened.
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 NMott at 18:26 on 14 May 2010
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Hi, I'll take it a paragraph at a time and post my first impressions, on the assumption that the Agent will only have time to read it the once so it should be clear on the first read through. If you see me getting the wrong end of the stick about the novel, then that's something to change in the synopsis. If, however, the synopsis shows up plot holes then that's either something to fill in the synopsis, or something to fix in the novel itself. Sometimes synopses raise questions which will take too long to answer, and in such cases it's often best to remove the question rather than try to answer it, however try to answer it first off and in the next version we'll see if it can be edited out.
Work The Angles by David Mayer
Chris Calder feels that life as an underpaid theatre technician is going nowhere. After a chance meeting, ex-con Tony O’Brien makes him a proposition: they will steal a bag of money which his employer, Jimmy McIntire, an old-school villain who has moved into the drugs trade, regularly delivers to the suburban home of crooked accountant, Felix Slater-West. |
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Delete 'chance meeting' as it implies weak plotting. This is a plot-driven novel, so, preferably, nothing should happen by chance, and if it does then don't point it out in a synopsis.
'A bag of money' - implies a petty crime since it poses the question 'how big is this bag?' 'Is it full of loose change?'; questions which you want to avoid. Be specific and think big, eg, £100K, or quarter of a million.
The second sentence introduces 3 characters in quick succession which is too many to remember so split it up. Also are the 3 all secondary characters? If one or more are just minor characters then delete the name and just refer to them with a generic description, eg, ...his employer, an old-school villain...
Jack Conway, an ageing career criminal diagnosed with a condition which will leave him permanently blind, also plans to steal the next delivery from Felix’s safe.
Rob Ellis, an ambitious small-time criminal, hopes to rip off McIntire’s next consignment. |
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You opened the synopsis by introducing Chris Calder which implies he is the main character, and the novel is narrated from his point of view (pov). Here, however, you introduce 2 new characters, Jack and Rob. Are they pov characters, or are they seondary characters? Do they share scenes with Chris? Or do you have separate narratives with 3 (or more) different pov characters?
If Jack and/or Rob are secondary characters, then how does Chris meet them, and what does Chris think of them?
A couple of lines need clarifying:-
'steal the next delivery from Felix’s safe' - steal the next money drop from Felix's safe.
hopes to rip off McIntire’s next consignment' - hopes to rip off McIntire’s next consignment of drugs
| At a private party in a Colombian restaurant, he sees McIntire in conversation with Ernesto Calda, local businessman and cocaine cartel overlord, and exchanges phone numbers with Calda’s daughter, Cristina, although warned off by Jaime, Calda’s bodyguard. |
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Try not to simply detail 'what' happens, but explain 'why'. If Rob sees McIntire in conversation then presumably he's overhearing their conversation and there's something of importance in it which will have ramifications for the plot, if so, say what it is otherwise this is only about him meeting McIntire's daughter whcih is a sub-plot unless she becomes directly involved in the theft.
Rather than say he exchanges phone numbers, and the altercation with the bodyguard (minor character, delete name), explain he meets McIntire's daughter and say how that complicates his plans.
| Chris agrees to O’Brien’s scheme. During the robbery, O’Brien and Conway clash and Felix is killed by a stray shot. O’Brien and Chris leave with the money. Chris suspects that O’Brien intends to kill him in order to remove a witness to Felix’s killing. Returning to O’Brien’s flat, Chris shoots O’Brien. |
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We're back to Chris and O'Brian and I had to go back to the opening paragraph to remind myself of who they are. We still don't know yet how Rob and Jack fit in to Chris's narrative, so oyu've got 3 plot strands running parallel to each other.
Delete 'Chris agrees to O’Brien’s scheme' as that was already implied in the opening paragraph. Maybe start with something along the lines of 'On the night of the robbery, Chris and O'Brian's plans are compromised by the appearence of Jack Conway.
'During the robbery,' delete.
There are a lot of names and it's difficult to remember who's who, so qualify it with a descripton, eg, 'Felix,the accountant, is killed by a stray shot', 'Small time crook, Jack Conway - or aging career criminal, Jack Conway.
I would delete the earlier introduction for Jack Conway. It's not necessary to know his motivations/the blindness, because he's not the main character.
Move the introduction to Rob Ellis to here. This is an overview, so you don't need to keep to the strict chapter order of the novel, and it makes the synopsis less 'bitty' (bit here, bit there).
| Calda tells McIntire that a large cocaine shipment has been seized in a customs raid. He suspects there is an informant, and seems suspicious of McIntire, suggesting that he use one of Calda’s trusted men as a driver. Considering it beneath him, Jaime palms the job off to Rob Ellis, now courting Cristina. Ellis agrees, reporting on McIntire’s movements to Jaime, finding the situation uncomfortable, caught between McIntire and Calda. |
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Calda and McIntire are antagonists and antagonists are secondary characters, so who's pov is being used here? This paragraph implies you're telling it from Calda's pov, but it should be coming from Rob's pov, as he's been set up as the second main character in this novel.
Refer to Jaime as 'the bodyguard' to avoid using too many names. However, if Jamie had warned Rod off, then why is he now giving him the job of driver? You've included a justification for his actions (ie, your justification for incorporating this plot device to get Rob in the driving seat), but they are the motivations of a minor character, whereas this is supposed to be from Rob's pov, so it's his motivations that are important, not the bodyguard's. Remove references to Jaime in the synopsis. How does love-interest Christina help/hinder Rob in this part of the plot?
The point here is that, due to the suspicious natures of McIntire and his drugs supplier, Calda, Rob - who's in the right place at the right time, because of his relationship with McIntyre's daughter - wrangles the job of driver for the drugs shipment.
| Although fearful of arrest and troubled by remorse over O’Brien’s death, Chris plans a new life with the proceeds of the robbery. He runs into Barry, who asks if he will attend a funeral service for O’Brien. Jack Conway is drinking with Barry, who he suspects of being O’Brien’s accomplice. Recognising Chris, Conway follows him. Seeing Chris deposit a large amount of cash at a bank, Conway is convinced that he has the money. |
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Who is Barry? And how come O'Brien is dead? - It's Felix, the accountant, who's dead.
You've switched to Jack Conway's pov here, but Chris is the main pov character so it's supposed to be from his pov.
A common mistake in technique is to have a swinging pov. If you are writing in the 3rd person then you should still appoint your main character(s) as the pov character and write it from their view point. This synopsis is telling me that you are using all your characters to tell the story, and the pov is swinging around - maybe even head-hopping between characters in the same scene. If that is the case, then it needs to be sorted out in the novel. If not, then your 2 pov characters are Chris and Rob and that should be clarified in the synopsis.
Back to this paragraph: You don't need to introduce minor character bArry, nor mention the funeral. The point is that Conway is following Chris because he wants his share of the loot, and thinks his chance has come when Chris deposits a large amount of cash at the bank (it it from the robery? If not, then it's not necessary to mention the bank unless Conway seizes the chance torob Chris before he manages to deposit the money) - the trouble with switching to Conway's pov is the reader already knows Chris was one of the robbers, so there's no suspense in Conway's actions. From Chris's pov, however, it would rack up the suspense if he thinks he's being followed and that Conway is one of McIntire's or O'Brien's men.
| Conway unsuccessfully pursues Chris as he moves the money across town the next day. He enlists Barry to arrange a meeting with Chris, telling Barry he will do the talking. Conway instead lies in wait outside, hoping to follow Chris to the money. Barry leaves the bar, lifting Chris’s jacket to protect him from the rain. Mistaking him for Chris, Conway follows Barry. Chris emerges from the bar, observed by Ray Randall, McIntire’s lieutenant. |
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This is a chapter summary rather than a synopsis overview. What is the point of all this? What is Chris feeling/fearing? and what does that make him do next? - fearing he's being followed (or set up) by [O'Brian or McIntire], Chris goes into hiding.
It is too late in the novel to introduce a new character - Randell. It would make more sense for this to be Jaime, the bodyguard. Or for Randell to replace Jaime at the start of this synopsis - I had difficulty swallowing that Jaime would be in a position of seniority within the gang to give Rob the role of driver. It would make more sense to make it Randell who feels too demeaned to do the job.
Where is Rob at this point?
| McIntire and Randall seize Chris and the money from the house where he is lying low. Ellis driving, they find themselves in a trap, their car boxed in on a narrow side street. Jaime and the other gunmen, under orders from Calda, execute McIntire, suspected police informant or convenient scapegoat, then leave with Ellis. |
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Simplify - Chris is seized by MacIntire's men, and bundled into the car driven by Rob.
Why leave with Rob Ellis?
'suspected police informant or convenient scapegoat' - don't pose questions in a synopsis. This should be clarified in the novel. If it's not, then it points to a lack of plot.
Rob Ellis and Chris don't know each other. How are they connected in this novel? Rob is your pov character inside McIntyre's organisation, while Chris is the minor thief who's causing McIntyre problems externally and threatening his authority. So what is the straw that broke the camel's back and has driven Calda to take out McIntyre? Rob hasn't even stolen the drugs shipment yet.
This is a story of small time crooks bringing down a large drugs boss, aka, Rocknrolla. But as it stands you have a large proportion of the synopsis detailing the big denoument, but there is very little plot building up to this point. Where are the red herrings? Why isn't O'Brien's threat to Chris developed? What is Conway's role? Where is the rug-pull moment before the denoument?'
It needs more plotting.
| Unscathed but dazed on the floor of the car, Chris runs from the scene. Hearing distant sirens behind him, he realizes that the bag of money is still inside the car, lost to him now. Walking on with a sense of unreality, he finds himself in the City Airport, reflecting on what has happened. |
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'the bag of money' - you implied this had been split up and Chris had deposited his share in the bank. If not, then what was the point of the scene with Conway? If anything, it's the drugs delivery that would still be in the car, because that's why Rob Ellis was there.
What has happened to Rob? What happened with his relationship with Christine?
Unless this is satire, I can't see it working as a crime novel. There is far too little real plot in the synopsis, driving the action and the characters.
- NaomiM
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| And how come O'Brien is dead? - It's Felix, the accountant, who's dead. |
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I should have clarified this question. If you've killed Felix, then why take out the threat to Chris, and the suspense that that would build in the plot, by having him shoot O'Brien? It is too soon to take out an important antagonist from the novel. At the very least it should put the police of Chris's tail.
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What is the word count for this novel?
Double check that each quarter of the novel has been summarised in each quarter of the synopsis. That way you won't take up too much space detailing the big denoument at the end of the novel.
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...or, rather, avoid chapter summaries.
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Just to clarify, I ask about word count, because one is aiming for around 90K words for a plot-driven crime novel, and this feels about 30K short of that.
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 DMayer at 12:09 on 15 May 2010
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Thanks for this, NMott, I appreciate such a full critique. I shall read carefully and digest all your points
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