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`Don`t mess with the Aunt!`

by Laurence 

Posted: 13 May 2010
Word Count: 555
Summary: Week 206 Challenge


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'Come on Aunty it's time,' said Julia.

'I don't want to go. Why do I have to go? I want to stay here.'

'Sorry Aunt but you know it is for the best Jim and I cannot really care for you anymore.'

Aunt Sylvia looked around her room which had been her home for the past three years. She never liked the wallpaper but never said anything; all her possessions had been packed away in boxes for nearly a week. She never told Julia that she had overheard her discussing with Jim about putting her into yet another home. She would show them, she really would. She smiled at Julia showing a set of gnashers with several missing. Julia couldn't remember her aunt ever having all her teeth.

'Come on Aunt let's get you into the car.'

Sylivia slowly got to her feet and clung onto Julia's arm as she shuffled from her room down the hall and onto the drive. Julia thought it odd because her aunt was generally quite spritely.

'I really don't want to go. Why are you getting rid of me?'

'Aunt we've been through this over and over again.'

'You think I frighten the children.'

'What? That's not true. They love you to bits.' Julia avoided catching her aunt's eye.

Later that evening Julia and Jim were having their first meal together in peace and quiet. The phone rang they looked at each other both reluctant to answer it.

'Let's leave it. It can go to answer phone,' said Julia eating another mouthful of pasta.

The answer phoned kicked in, 'Mrs Simpson, the Laurels here I wonder if you could phone me back? I'm afraid it's about your aunt.' The voice was strained tinged with annoyance.

Julia placed her cutlery on her plate, wiped her mouth with her napkin, 'I'd better ring them.'

'Would you prefer me to speak to the Laurels?' asked Jim.

'No I'd better.'

Julia dialled the number and waited a voice said 'Hello The Laurels can I help.'

'This is Mrs Simpson.'

'Oh! Please hold!'

After a few minutes Julia heard the familiar voice of the manager of the care home,' Mrs Simpson,' she managed to say her name as if it were a bad taste in her mouth, 'I think you failed to inform me that your Aunt is aggressive and foul mouthed.'

'Sorry, I don't understand,' said Julia feigning innocence.

'Your aunt has managed to upset everyone in this home in the few hours she has been here. Mrs Dickinson won't come out of her room. Your aunt took a knife to the cook when she refused her more potatoes. You will have to come and collect her. Now!'

'But it's late surely you could wait until the morning,' insisted Julia.

'I might not have a home by the morning. I shall pack her bags and she will be waiting for you. Good night.'

Julia stared at Jim who had been standing in the doorway. 'Aunt is causing chaos and we have to bring her home.'

'Damn. There aren't many more homes we can try. What did she do this time?'

'A knife and scared witless one of the other residents.'
'How does she do it? '

'Oh didn't I mention it? She trained with the SAS,' Julia said picking up the car keys.






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Comments by other Members



tusker at 07:05 on 14 May 2010  Report this post
I enjoyed this, Laurence.

I loved the idea of an old lady behaving like an unruly teenager who needs an ASBO slapped on them.

2 nits:

The word slowly was repeated twice in the same sentence. It jarred a little.

an error: 'fowl' instead of 'foul'

I don't think Julia would 'beam' at the end. Perhaps she should just utter that sentence.

Poor Julia and hubby. What will they do next?

Jennifer








Laurence at 08:07 on 14 May 2010  Report this post
Thanks for your comments Jennifer. I've made tha adjustments - certainly agree with the repeating of the word slowly.

Laurence

Prospero at 08:49 on 14 May 2010  Report this post
An entertaining take on what is, for many people, a very familiar scenario. I would question Aunty having been in the SAS, but she may have well have trained with Special Operations Executive (SOE) an organisation that inserted male and female undercover agents into Occupied France during the Second World War.

Best

John

tusker at 09:15 on 14 May 2010  Report this post
That's better, Laurence. You've written good crisp, natural dialogue too.

Jennifer

Laurence at 13:40 on 14 May 2010  Report this post
Thanks for your comments John - I intended the SAS as just a throw away remark by Julia.

Laurence

Crimsondelilah at 08:42 on 16 May 2010  Report this post
I enjoyed this Laurence. Don't mess with Aunty! A humorous take on what can often be quite a difficult family decision.
You have a pov change at the beginning which threw me - was this story to be from Aunty's point of view or Julia's?
Aslo you mention that Aunty had generally been quite sprightly, which made me wonder why Julia wants to put her in a home.
Like the SAS training, although again it did make me wonder why her niece would ever try to go against her!


LMJT at 09:28 on 16 May 2010  Report this post
Hi Laurence,

This was a great take on the challenge and I empathised with both Julia and her aunt.

The only point I would make is that here:


'No I'd better.'

'Hello The Laurels can I help.'

'This is Mrs Simpson.'

'Oh! Please hold!'


Maybe we needed to see Julia go to the phone. It threw me for a second between the line, 'No I'd better' and 'Hello the Laurels can I help'.

But a good read, thanks.

Liam

Laurence at 09:52 on 16 May 2010  Report this post
Thanks for your comments Liam.

I've inserted Julia dialling the number. I take your point.

Laurence

Cholero at 12:29 on 16 May 2010  Report this post
Hi Laurence

Nice take on the prompt, smooth dialogue and a good read.

Pete


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