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Ghostly Clare

by Laurence 

Posted: 12 March 2010
Word Count: 690
Summary: Week 296 Elan Vital Challenge


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We can all drift along and wonder where the time has gone. I had reached that point. My husband had died two years ago and I was determined to do something with the rest of my life.

‘I’m selling up and moving,’ I announced to my close friend Betty.

‘Why Sally?’

‘Because I want to do something with my life. I’m still reasonably young and I know George would have approved. We often talked about what each of us would do if the other went first,’ I smiled.

‘That’s awfully morbid dear.’

‘Not at all it’s very sensible. Now look at these brochures, the properties are all very nice but I cannot make up my mind.’ I thrust a pile of papers in Betty’s lap and disappear into the kitchen. Returning with two mugs of tea I find Betty dancing around like a demented blue bottle. ‘Whatever is the matter?’

‘You have to move to this one, you really do. Have you read all these brochures carefully?’

‘Yes?’ I said looking dubiously at her.

‘Are you sure?’ She thrust the paper into my hand.

‘Oh dear, it does sound interesting. I must have skipped over this one. ‘Buyer must be prepared to live with resident occupant who died two centuries ago’. Whatever do you suppose it is?’

‘Why don’t we go down and find out? I fancy a trip to the Cotswolds.’

I informed the estate agent of my interest in the property and went with Betty to view the cottage the following week. The agent, Mr Hodge, met us outside an adorable cottage, immediately I fell in love with it.

‘If you don’t mind I’ll just stay outside while you view the cottage,’ he said clearing his throat and looking extremely uneasy.

‘Why?’ I asked.

‘You did read the brochure didn’t you?’

‘Of course and we know there is a ghost.’

‘That’s the reason I’ll stay outside; she doesn’t happen to like men.’

‘Why ever not?’
‘On account that she was burnt at the stake. She was found guilty of witchcraft by a group of men. I still have the bruises from the last visit when a saucepan came hurdling at my arm.’ He rubbed his arm as if it had just happened expecting to extract some sympathy. We looked at each other and laughed, taking the key and I marched up to the door.

Time passed and Mr Hodge kept checking his watch but the two ladies had not emerged from the cottage. He hadn’t heard any screams and he was getting a little curious. He crept up to the cottage and peered through the window, he couldn’t see anyone in the sitting room. He walked round to the kitchen and there seated at the table were Sally and Betty who appeared to be deep in conversation with someone else. As he moved closer to see who they were talking to a saucepan came hurdling through the air towards the window. He managed to duck out of the way as the window shattered into myriads of pieces. He ran back to his car terrified.

I rushed out of the cottage to check on Mr Hodges he was a little shaken but he’d live.

‘I’ll take the cottage.’ He looked at me incredulously

‘Mr Hodge you’re a man you don’t understand women’s things. Clare, the ghost, was framed as a witch because she wouldn’t do what the squire wanted. I’ll leave your imagination to work that out. She was so full of life and loved everything. She often would be up early in the morning picking herbs and flowers from the hedgerows. Someone told the squire and that was enough to get her burnt. There’s no wonder she gets angry when she sees a man. My moving here will give me the kick start I need, plus I have a new friend to share things with.’

‘What about me?’ protested Betty.

‘You can visit anytime you like. I think I’m going to be very happy here.’ There was a rap on the sitting room window and Mr Hodge thought he saw an outline of a woman laughing at him.






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Comments by other Members



tusker at 15:25 on 13 March 2010  Report this post
I enjoy a good ghost story, Laurence, and this has promise but I feel there's too much going on here and needs some editing.

I'd leave out the 1st paragraph and go straight onto Sally's announcement.

I'd delete the dialogue explanation; 'On account that she was burnt at the stake...'as it's explained about the ghost's behaviour and reasons later.

The sudden switch from 1st person jarred:Time passed and Mr Hodge kept checking his watch.

Perhaps you could say that Sally notices Mr. Hodges checking his watch as she looks through the window from the kitchen.

I hope this is helpful.

Jennifer

Laurence at 19:18 on 13 March 2010  Report this post
Thanks for your comments Jennifer they are useful and if I have time this evening I may try and do some editing.

Laurence

GaiusCoffey at 10:34 on 14 March 2010  Report this post
Hi Laurence,
Fun concept, and I enjoyed reading it.

I'd agree with the above comments and there are a couple of places where a little mystery could be nurtured by cutting to make it less overtly self-explanatory.

Also, one recurrent niggle;
To hurdle; to jump a wee fence, such as a hurdle
To hurtle; to move with great speed

Thanks for the read,
Gaius

<Added>

Ps: It shattered into 'myriad pieces', methinks.

jenzarina at 16:16 on 14 March 2010  Report this post
I can see this one in a women's magazine, with a bit of editing as suggested above.

Laurence at 17:27 on 14 March 2010  Report this post
Thanks for reading my piece Gaius and making your observations. I was producing the piece inbetween meetings in London and Oxford. I think I will tidy the work up and develop it further.

Thanks

Laurence

Laurence at 17:28 on 14 March 2010  Report this post
Your very kind Jenzarina perhaps if I develop the flash into a fuller story I could send it off.

Laurence

Crimsondelilah at 17:42 on 14 March 2010  Report this post
Hi Laurence
I did like the gentle pace of this story but I agree that it could do with a bit of tweaking.
The POV change is one area that would need changing to keep it consistent with the rest of the story -told in first person.
The first explanation about the ghosts's behaviour also seems unnecessary as its explained in more detail at the end.
Nice, neat little ending though. Reminds me of an old b+W movie - 'The Ghost and Mrs Muir'.
Thanks for posting

Prospero at 17:54 on 16 March 2010  Report this post
Hi Laurence

i agree with all of the above. Just for information active spirits, that is door slammers, pot hurlers etc. are generally termed poltergeists (noisy spirits).

Best

John


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