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Dissatisfied

by claremerison 

Posted: 22 February 2010
Word Count: 132


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You said my call was
important to you
I waited in the queue
quietly convinced of your sentiment
it meant nothing to you.

You told me I could return
the gift that wasn’t perfect
when I brought it back
confident of your guarantee
you tried to give me store credit.

The cheque would give me
hard earned funds
I needed that money to cover
the back bone of my bills
but you took the interest and
made me wait five days.

I don’t believe in broken promises
can’t rely on your good will
my computer breaks
the day my warrantee runs out
and I have to foot the bill.

I want a service
you want my cash
is it too much to assume
we can work together on this?
Not a chance.






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Comments by other Members



Nella at 20:13 on 23 February 2010  Report this post
Oooh, sounds angry and frustrated! Hope this isn't a true story!
I like the way the poem balloons with broken promises, then ends with those 3 short but determined words: Not a chance.
Best,
Robin

V`yonne at 10:53 on 24 February 2010  Report this post
Oh it's true all right!

I like it only a couple of points to consider that are contradictory

I don’t believe in broken promises
can’t rely on your good will

might be better
I don’t believe your promises
can’t rely on your good will

and

is it too much to assume
we can work together on this?
Not a chance.


means there's not a chance that it's too much to assume which means you CAN work together - if you see what I mean....

So
is it too much to assume
we can work together on this?
Thought so.


I needed that money to cover
the back bone of my bills

Nice image.

claremerison at 19:06 on 24 February 2010  Report this post
See what you mean! Yes that would absolutely make more sense!!

JulesA at 15:05 on 26 February 2010  Report this post
Hello,

I'm new to this site and i was just having a wander around when i came across this poem. I haven't written poetry since i was a lot younger.

I liked this, very vivid emotions on a subject everyone will have dealt with at some point in their life.

All the best,

Jules


jenzarina at 16:21 on 26 February 2010  Report this post
Oh wonderful, you can really feel the disappointment.
Those first two lines drag you in - those words must resonate with everyone who ownes a telephone.

Findy at 09:35 on 28 February 2010  Report this post
Nice one Clare, enjoyed very much

I liked Oonah's suggestion re the promises lines.

findy




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