Draft 5

Memoirs of a bar steward are the accounts of Jacob Cox as he begins a new stage of his young 18 year old life. Jacob dreams of getting into the best university in the country and eventually becoming the Prime Minster of the United Kingdom, but better than this he dreams of escaping his most heinous family once and for all. A family which consists of an Irish gang lord mother, one who would have no qualms about sticking the paperboy’s puppy’s head up his behind if he fails to pay her protection money. A secretive, law shy father who is in the business of running up debt and then running away. A rule dodging, stray missile, twit of a supposedly identical twin brother called Miller and a cooler younger brother called Clint whose sole purpose in life is to point out all of Jacobs faults. Last of all is Marie, Jacobs 10 year old miniature sister, who he fears just might be more crazy and dangerous that the whole Cox family put together.

However, Jacob soon discovers that he is not going to be able to go to the best university in the country, in fact he is not going to be able to go to university at all, and instead of escaping his family, he is in fact about to embark on a whole new adventure with all of them as they all make the sudden and suspicious move to a new life in Devon, where they are about to take over a pub at the seaside.

Jacob must fight his family for control of the pub as Miller believes he is the Willy Wonka of the booze factory and that all the female staff are his Umpa Lumpa’s to be taken advantage of. Clint wants to steal all of Jacob’s glory and his father is in danger of getting the pub closed down before the first month is even over. Marie is mysteriously planning something which Jacob fears will bring disaster to them all and Jacob knows that his mother is planning something which will bring destruction to their rivals if she can’t be stopped.

If only Jacob had his family to deal with, he might just stand a chance at making a success of the new business, but his new home town is not the sleepy little resort he thought it would be, and he soon finds that his struggle to survive gets even harder as the Town mayor publically vows to boot him back to Birmingham, the love of his life, Winky, turns out to be engaged to the self proclaimed hardest man in the world, and the big event to save the pub goes off with a bang, in many, many ways.