DRAFT 4

It is the year 2000 and Jacob Cox is 18 years old and dreaming about a life of going to the world’s best university and one day becoming the most powerful man in the country, the glorious position of Prime Minister. However, real life and dreams are two very different things, and Jacob is about to discover that unfortunately it is quite often nightmares that come true.

Instead of embarking on a new academic life, mingling with the greatest minds of his generation, Jacob will instead find himself on the run from Birmingham with his disastrous family, a combination of the worse, most dangerous and terrifyingly idiotic minds of their generations.

The Cox family leave Birmingham, and a trail of destruction behind them as they move to the ‘safe’ haven of the English Riviera, Torquay, to make a fresh start in a new business, a seaside pub called The Royal Ship, where they ask Jacob to be the licensee. Jacob believes his family has chosen him to captain the ship because they see in him the brilliant mind he believes he possesses, that he is the only one who can make the business a success because he has the idea’s which will lead them all to fame and fortune! What Jacob doesn’t realize is that he is the only member of the family who is eligible to be licensee as he does not possess a criminal record and while he sees himself as the boss, of absolute power; his family sees it very differently.

First to oppose Jacob at every turn is his rule dodging, good life living, carefree identical twin who is the exact opposite of himself in every way. Jacob must stop Miller from using the pub as his very own candy land; a place which his haphazard twin believes is stocked full of women and booze purely for his taking. Then Jacob finds his ‘brilliant’ ideas are constantly undermined by his younger, cooler brother Clint who has an irritating habit of being right and, worse, proving Jacob wrong. However, while Jacob must continuously battle to stop Miller from driving away his women customers and accidentally killing off the few loyal regulars that they have, and preventing Clint from stealing his cherished thunder, Jacob must also keep a close eye on his secretive, weasly father. Though Jacob finds it difficult to deal with his father’s casual flouting of the law, as he allows in underage drinkers and purchases bootleg booze and stolen food the moment that Jacobs back is turned, not to mention his willingness to be walked all over by a local family who might even be worse than his own, Jacob is fervently trying to discover just how his father managed to obtain the new business in the first place when his Dad owes more money out than Gordon Brown.

Jacob realises that the road to greatness is often a bumpy ride, but he will have to contend with a lot more bumps and crashes as there are plenty of other people trying to force him off of the road! Such as his mother.

Once the most feared person in all of the Midlands, Jacobs’s mother is a miniature wild haired woman of very few words, a retired gang lord who sees her move to the seaside as a chance to start a new quiet life. At first she takes a backseat, allowing her family to deal with their troubles in their own ways but when one of Jacobs big ideas goes terribly wrong and he finds himself publically humiliated by a rival landlord, the beast in his mother is awoken with a vengeance and Jacob must do all that he can from allowing the monster from wreaking a bloody revenge on all those who have wronged her son, but can he stop her?

Last of the Cox clan is little Marie, Jacobs 10 year old sister. As secretive as their father, as clever as Clint, and as ruthless as their Mother, Jacob knows that she is up to something, but what he doesn’t know, and couldn’t dare dread, is the terrible destruction her horrible plans will bring down on everyone!

However, as bad as all of his family’s actions are, none can rival Jacobs in terms of total, unmitigated disaster. The Mayor of Torquay brands him a terrorist from the north and vows publically that he will drive him out of town for good, and then amongst all of the chaos Jacob unexpectedly fall’s head over tit in love, only to discover that the object of his affection is engaged to one of the most dangerous men in Torquay.

All these events lead up and come to a head in a spectacular finale when one of television’s top reality TV shows arrive, at Jacobs invitation, to film a celebrity couple judging a charity karaoke contest, which the Cox family have organised to save the pub from bankruptcy and their lives from ruin.