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The Ride

by Cholero 

Posted: 06 February 2010
Word Count: 288
Summary: Jen's speed challenge


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Nick followed Lily. They climbed into the seat of the twister. He reached out and pulled down the safety bar. She moved close into him, worked her head under his arm. Somebody pushed at their seat, gave it a shove. It swivelled around and she grabbed at the bar.
The music died, lurched into life again and their seat swung into motion. Beneath them slats rattled across the humped floor and picked up speed. The music soared, and they felt themselves thrust into the back of the seat. "Heeeey!" said Lily. The motion threw her towards Nick and away, towards him and away.
"Remember when you were a kid?" she shouted.
"Yeah!" he shouted back.
A fairground man came over with easy strides riding the rolling floor and rested his hands on the back of their seat. He leant right over them for a moment, as if inspecting their heads, then he pushed hard on the seat rim and sent it spinning, spinning fast, so all they could do was hold tight. Eyes shut, hands locked to the bar, they shouted and screamed, and when the spin of the seat met the turn of the carousel the force that pushed them meant they had to fight to face one another and they screamed and laughed as if they were never going to scream or laugh again.
When the spinning slowed, Lily was crying.
The fairground man came by. Nick pulled Lily into him and whispered to her. She shook her head. Nick looked up at the man and nodded.
Then the man leant over them again and threw with all his weight, and away they went deep in one another's embrace, spinning and spinning, faster even than before.






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Comments by other Members



V`yonne at 23:40 on 06 February 2010  Report this post
That was quite a ride, Pete. Nicely written. I don't like fairground rides but it reminded me of the Walzters at Barries and that helter skelter falling in love works well.

Findy at 03:36 on 07 February 2010  Report this post
Just reading this is making me dizzy

Lovely writing.

findy

Prospero at 06:45 on 07 February 2010  Report this post
Very good, Pete. You caught the sense of the ride very well.

Best

John

crowspark at 12:21 on 07 February 2010  Report this post
Excellent, Pete.

Loved, "with easy strides riding the rolling floor and rested his hands" and "he pushed hard on the seat rim and sent it spinning, spinning fast, so all they could do was hold tight."

That whole section was great.

Tiny nit, maybe reduce the number of seat references?

I enjoyed it a lot.

Bill

tusker at 14:50 on 07 February 2010  Report this post
Wow, I dropped my candy floss!

Great description of the ride, Pete.

Jennifer

jenzarina at 15:54 on 07 February 2010  Report this post
I found this a little sinister. Did you mean that?
Loved the descriptions
them meant they had to fight to face one another and they screamed and laughed as if they were never going to scream or laugh again


A niggle - didn't end on a 3 word sentence.

Riff Raff at 20:40 on 08 February 2010  Report this post
What impressed me most about this piece was the much deeper story beneath.

This sentence said it all for me: The motion threw her towards Nick and away, towards him and away.

Perhaps the only word that did niggle me, was 'Nick' which I felt you used too much. Maybe?

A brilliant flash.

Cholero at 12:25 on 09 February 2010  Report this post
Oonah

Thanks!

Cholero at 12:25 on 09 February 2010  Report this post
Findy

Hope you're feeling better... ;

Cholero at 12:26 on 09 February 2010  Report this post
John

Much appreciated.

Pete

Cholero at 12:26 on 09 February 2010  Report this post
Hi Bill

Thanks a lot.

Yes, agree about the seat thing.

Pete



Cholero at 12:28 on 09 February 2010  Report this post
Jennifer

Thanks - yes I was really trying for descriptive effect here, so good to hear you felt it.

Pete

Cholero at 12:29 on 09 February 2010  Report this post
Hi Jen

Not so much sinister as sad, but yes perhaps a touch of something wierd, that feeling you get about circuses or funfairs sometimes.

Sorry about the end count!



Cholero at 12:31 on 09 February 2010  Report this post
Fiona

Well that was very much in my mind but I felt it didn't matter wether a reader got it or not - nice that you did, thanks for reading.

Yes, could lose a Nick at the end there, you're right.


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