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Janet

by Laurence 

Posted: 30 December 2009
Word Count: 496
Summary: Flash Fiction II Week 190


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Helen sat up in bed and looked around her new surroundings. She had collapsed and had been rushed to Chippenham hospital. There had been a hive of activity but thankfully that had now subsided and she sat waiting for - she wasn't quite sure what she was waiting for, perhaps someone would check on her progress. The door to her room opened she turned and saw an elderly lady with a slight stoop enter the room. She walked across to Helen's bed and sat on a chair close by.

'Good morning dear,' she said gently, 'how are you today?'

'Much better thank you,' said Helen looking a little puzzled.

'Oh don't mind me, I visit most people during their stay in hospital. I noticed you were sitting alone.'

Helen found this curious because there wasn't a window in the door, it was quite solid. 'My name is Helen,' she began but trailed off when the old lady proclaimed she already knew who she was.

'Sorry I'm being very impolite,' said the old lady, 'I'm called Janet, Janet Salter. Everybody knows me, I'm well known to all the doctors and nurses,' she smiled.

'Pleased to me you Janet,' said Helen.

'So what brought on the illness?' enquired Janet.

'I think I have been doing too much recently. Christmas is always a busy time of year.'

'But you don't have family dear,' said Janet.

'I know but I do a lot for the neighbours and then there's the church..... ' Helen stopped and looked at Janet, 'How do you know I don't have family?'

'You said so yourself,' she smiled.

Helen was fairly sure in the brief conversation she had not hinted that she lived alone and had never married. She was an only child and her parents had died many years ago. Helen was beginning to feel uncomfortable about her visitor.

'I'm feeling a little tired; I think I should rest now,' she said hoping the old lady would take the hint.

'Perhaps that would be a good idea in your condition,' she smiled.

'What do you mean? My condition,' said the anxious Helen.

'Nothing dear, nothing. You get some rest. I'll be back.' The old lady got up from her chair and walked towards the door. When she reached the door she turned towards Helen and nodded then left.

Helen was staring at the door when it suddenly opened again and this made her jump with a start.

'Good morning Helen how do you feel this morning?' said a nurse.

'I'm not sure,' said Helen 'What time are visiting hours?'

'You don't want to be worrying about visitors yet, you need plenty of rest.'

'Please, what time?'

'This afternoon.'

'Who is Janet Salter?'

The nurse's face changed and looked scared 'Just a moment I'll get a doctor.' She rushed from the room. Helen sensed all was not well and pulled the bed clothes tightly round her.

A thought popped into her head - 'The Grim Reaper!'






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Comments by other Members



Prospero at 08:46 on 30 December 2009  Report this post
Oh, I like this Laurence, I like it a lot. You fed in the hints quite subtly, but for some reason I was looking for something occult so I picked up on Janet's nature quite quickly. I think it was the bit about here being able to sse thorugh solid doors. If you wanted to delay the reveal you might use something like there only being one name on the door of this four bed side-ward, for example.

Just a thought, the story is fine as it is.

Chippenham Hospital are you a Wiltshire boy by any chance?

Best

Prosp

Laurence at 09:40 on 30 December 2009  Report this post
Thanks for your comments Prosp.

One of my sister's lives near Chippenham. I go there every summer to write.

Laurence

tusker at 12:06 on 30 December 2009  Report this post
I enjoyed this ghost story, Laurence. I love ghost stories.

I agree with John's suggestion but your story has a creepy feel and leaves the reader wondering about MC's future.

Jennifer

Findy at 07:46 on 03 January 2010  Report this post
Hi Laurence

Oh I thought the old lady was a bearer of good news, chilling brrr. The conversation about the visiting hours confused me a bit - had to read it again to get it.

Nice story, enjoyed it very much.

findy


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