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Alleyway

by LMJT 

Posted: 11 December 2009
Word Count: 663
Summary: For this week's photo prompt challenge. I chose the first picture. Not sure this is 'horror' though.


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Content Warning
This piece and/or subsequent comments may contain strong language.


Leaning against the damp wall, Jaden watched the steady rain fall under the streetlamp at the mouth of the alleyway. His eyelids were heavy and his head drooped with the threat of sleep. Stay awake, he urged himself, thinking of the money. Stay the fuck awake. Somewhere in the distance a siren waa-waaed and brakes screeched on the wet road.

As he took his phone from his jacket pocket, he realised that he was shaking; the speed from last night was taking its toll now: his mind was skittish, his nerves were shot. He checked the time: five past twelve. Raj said he’d call at midnight. Did that mean there was a change of plan? Jaden ran his tongue over crooked teeth. There’d better not have been; he couldn’t afford to lose this job.

Any doubt in his mind dispersed as his phone vibrated in his hand. He looked down at the glow of the screen and saw it was Raj.

‘It’s happening,’ he said. Jaden heard music and voices in the background and immediately pictured Raj’s plush flat: bare floorboards, high ceilings. He’d been there only once, but knew he’d remember it forever. Didn't everyone have their own aspirations? ‘Stay where you are.’

Hanging up, Jaden slipped a cigarette between his thin, dry lips. He didn't trust Raj and would be glad when tonight was over, the money in the bank. That he’d not been paid at least half of the two grand up-front had been his first source of suspicion, but pressing the issue had seen a knife held to his throat.

‘He’s a nutter,’ Tania told him only last night. ‘Bee saw him cut some bloke’s lip off just for looking at him the wrong way. You don’t wanna get in with someone like that, Jay. Trust me. Doing this job, you get to know a psycho when you see one.’

It was the early hours of the morning and they were lying spent in her single bed, the picture of her son turned down on the bedside cabinet beside them. Jaden sat up and ran a hand over his shaved head. On the TV at the foot of the bed a children’s cartoon played out in mute action. A mouse carrying a lump of cheese twice the size of its body fell over and a circle of stars quickly appeared above his head.

Naked beside him, Tania laughed with an innocence he never imagined she possessed. Every night in the two months he’d been seeing her, he’d learnt something new.

‘He’s paying good money,’ he said. ‘Can’t turn that down.’

Tania frowned, her pencilled-on eyebrows creasing her ashen brow. ‘What’s he want you to do?’

Jaden kissed his teeth. ‘What d’you think he wants me to do?’

The rain had stopped by the time he heard footsteps approaching and his heart raced against his chest as he slipped the knife from his jacket. He held it against his thigh and took a deep breath. Think of the money, he willed himself again. Think of the money, think of the money, think of the money.

The next moment happened so suddenly, so frantically, that it wasn’t until he’d drawn blood that he recognised the wide eyes staring back at him; Tania. The recognition took a split second to process. What the hell was she doing here?

She squirmed against his hand, tears running freely down her cheeks.

When their eyes met, he saw fear where he’d only ever before seen lust; there was a moment in which he was frozen, slowly thawing to see blood on the collar of her white blouse.

Dazed, he watched as she took his hand gently in hers and lowered the knife.

‘We need to talk, Jay,’ she said, her voice shaky.

She walked away and he followed her back to the estate, each footstep a reminder that he was a dead man walking.

Raj wanted Tania dead. And there had to be a reason.










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Comments by other Members



Bunbry at 11:11 on 12 December 2009  Report this post
Hi Liam, nice fluid writing as ever, but for me this doesn't quite work.

The problem is, the peril the MC finds himself in at the end does not concern me as he's a vicious killer himself! I need to like the MC to become engaged in his world and worry on his behalf.

It is possible to make a killer a sympathetic character ('Leon' is a brilliant film which had an assassin as an MC that you really rooted for when he found himself in trouble), but this chap comes accross as pure low-life I'm afraid.

Nick

Prospero at 22:51 on 12 December 2009  Report this post
Nicely nasty, Liam. The twist took me totally by surprise.

Best

Prosp

Jumbo at 10:20 on 13 December 2009  Report this post
Liam

And is the reason the obvious one, or is there something else going on that we don't know about?

Intriguing!

Thanks for the read,

john


tusker at 11:34 on 13 December 2009  Report this post
I enjoyed this, Liam.

The only redeeming feature of your MC is that he couldn't kill his lover for money so he's not that heart-dead.

You left us with a question at the end which I'd dearly love to know the answer. Is there going to be more to tell?

Jennifer


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