On a day like today: Miranda…

Saturday August 9 2003,
Los Angeles,

Miranda’s ten o’clock. A look at her watch and it’s still five to. She’s quite sure that ten o’clock has come and gone; she’d almost swear to it, but she won’t.
A few magazines on the table and Miranda sits forward, nerves at her again.
A look at the walls, that unappealing pale blue, pictures and posters and, a few feet away, a little woman on the phone who smiles a lot.
Miranda stands up and moves closer to one of the posters, a little girl, holding a bottle of milk, advertising dairy producers of America. What’s drawn Miranda in is the little girl. Looking away, a woman sitting to her left, hands between her knees and looking down at the floor, toes pointing together, and Miranda wonders if there’s a problem. Miranda turns and sees the reception area, a tall woman leaning on the counter, her finger tapping on the top of it and then nodding. Another picture, near the window; this one is about the proper way to sterilising babies bottles.
Miranda doesn’t want to look at her watch again, but her eyes are drawn to it.
The little woman clicks her phone off, smiles at Miranda and sits down. A tan coloured door swings open. Miranda looks at the tall thin figure of Carolyn Lewis, her specialist, her white coat being tugged back around her legs again. Perhaps, Miranda thinks, if she did it up she wouldn’t have that problem. Carolyn holds a light blue folder in her left hand. Her right hand holds a pen, her thumb clicking away madly at the end of it. Carolyn smiles at Miranda as her glasses try to escape off her nose, pushing them back again and laughing, “Do you want to come through?”
Miranda takes a deep breath and, if she was nervous before, she’s almost raging now.
“So, how’ve you been? Not overdoing it I hope?” Carolyn smiles again and sits on the corner of her desk.
Miranda sits on a hard plastic chair, “I’ve been fine, thanks. I’m trying to buy a house and I guess you know how annoying that can be.”
“Yeah, been there. So, sixteen weeks? Shall we have a look?”
Miranda drops her bag and jacket on the chair and goes to a screen and pulls her top up and over her head. She pulls her shoes off and kicks them aside.
Carolyn, meanwhile, has been reading through Miranda’s notes, “You haven’t been drinking have you?”
“No, I’ve been off that for a good while now.”
Miranda doesn’t say anything about the party later. She slips the gown on and sits on the trolley.
“No morning sickness or any sickness in general?”
“Like I said, I’ve been fine.”
Carolyn stands next to her, a smile and then, taking Miranda’s wrist, “We can do a scan. I just want to do your stats first.”
Miranda nods and relaxes.
Carolyn gets Miranda to lie back, lifting the paper gown, “Nothing wrong down here?”
“No. I think everything is where it should be.” Miranda laughs.
“Any problems going to the bathroom?”
Miranda shakes her head, “No, that seems to be working okay.”
Carolyn nods, “We can do a blood test if you like?”
“Would something be wrong?”
“No, not at all. Just to keep it sunny side up Miranda, just a precaution.”
“Yeah, okay, perhaps it would be best.”
“Right…Okay, right, I’ll do your bp and we’ll get the scan out of the way, do the dreaded blood work so birthday girl can go out and enjoy herself.”
Carolyn pats Miranda’s leg, lowering the gown.
Sixteen weeks! Miranda almost screams; time that had passed so quickly.
After taking Miranda’s blood pressure and blood, then writing up her notes, Carolyn powers up the ultrasound and Miranda makes herself comfortable.
“Do you have any plans, Miranda?”
Miranda nods, “Yeah, there’s a party in Barstow, just me and a few friends, nothing too heavy, got to think about baby here.”
Carolyn smiles at her, “Are you driving out there?”
“Yeah, but it’ll be okay. Did I tell you about Clarissa?”
Carolyn’s soft laugh; Miranda and her cars.
“No, but I need to ask you to take it easy, I seem to remember you getting a little carried away, so please, just watch yourself and no booze young lady!”
The gown is lifted and Carolyn pulls on a pair of latex gloves, pulling Miranda’s gown well out of the way, then applying the lube that makes Miranda shudder. Why is that always cold? And then, on a monitor, strange cloud-like formations in black and white, a weird world as Carolyn moves the transducer around, and that sudden stop as, in the top right hand side of the screen, a tiny, tiny movement. Miranda gasps and Carolyn smiles at her and nods, “Yeah…there she is…”
Miranda’s daughter, just a couple of inches long. Miranda wipes her eyes; on screen…Molly.
Carolyn presses a few buttons and turns to Miranda, “A couple of pictures Mommy can take home with her.”
Miranda wipes her eyes again, using the gown to wipe away the gunk from her stomach; her excitement and nerves that had been quietly humming away in the background, had now woken up with such enthusiasm.
Carolyn hands her a couple of small photos. Miranda looks at them and, as she gets off the trolley, gives Carolyn a huge hug.
“Oh, keep an eye on your weight, I know you’ve got mad cravings, but just take it easy.” Carolyn writes in her file and hands Miranda an appointment card. “Okay, Miss Jefferson, I’ll see you in the next two weeks. Be good!”
Miranda is still looking at the photos after leaving the clinic, still looking as she bumps into a street light and she giggles and laughs, putting Molly’s pictures away.
Thirty one years old today and a birthday that’s like no other…

Between hospital and hell…
Sunday August 10 2003.
Los Angeles,

The waiting room and those awful cream coloured walls and that awful stink. That barely hidden smell that Henry hates, that smell that gets in and just won’t leave you alone. He’s tired, impatient and just fed up waiting.
The phone call. That phone call.
He’s here and waiting and waiting and he’s been crying as if it’s all too much. He settles on the chair again. The door opens and there’s a man in a dark coloured surgical gown looking at him. He makes a strange swishing sound as he walks toward him. Henry hopes that he’s bringing good news, something…
“Mr. Jefferson? I’m Charles Hendricks, senior trauma surgeon. There’s something I need to talk to you about.”
“Just tell me how she is.” Henry runs a hand over his face. It feels wet like the rest of him. His voice sounds tired as well.
“I need you to sign a consent form.”
Henry looks sharply at Hendricks, “Consent? Consent for what?”
Hendricks bites his tongue, takes a short breath, “We’ll have to do a termination.”
“Miranda…she’s…oh Jesus!”
“Please, Mr. Jefferson, we can’t save the baby. I’m sorry.”
Henry’s shoulders slump, lowering his head into his hands, “Are you absolutely certain there’s no other way?”
Hendricks sits next to him, “I’m sorry but there isn’t.”
Henry starts crying again.
“We’re battling to save your daughter. Please, I know this is difficult for you, but you must.”
“Sign a piece of paper…so easy isn’t it? Don’t make me do that…” Henry feels so scared. He nearly runs from the room. He looks at Hendricks and shakes his head, “Please…no.”
“Mr. Jefferson, we have to do an emergency hysterectomy, if we don’t, we’ll lose the both of them.”
This is it. This isn’t a choice. The baby is lost. He signs and Miranda will damn him for it. Henry slowly nods and looks away at the wall, tears streaming down his face.
He feels so weak, just torn and so tired.

Henry opens his eyes and sees Kathryn. He seems startled. How long had he slept for?
“I got your call so here I am.” She says and sounds so cold.
Henry stands up and looks at her, “Our daughter-”
“Which one?” Kathryn cuts him off so fast. She sits in a chair and looks at him.
“Miranda.”
“And Jackie?”
“I called her,” He says, “she’s getting the next flight in.”
Kathryn sits back and crosses her legs, “So are you going to tell me why I let you drag me here?”
“Miranda had a car crash.”
“That was bound to happen. Sooner or later…”
Henry feels as if someone has just run up to him and ripped all the air out of his lungs. He looks at Kathryn, so shocked at what she said, “Can’t you hear yourself? That’s our daughter in there and that’s all you can say?”
Kathryn doesn’t look at him, “What would you have me say? Henry, this is all your fault. You know exactly what she’s like!”
“Miranda lost her baby.”
“Well, what do you expect? The way she carried on. Another bastard the world won’t miss.”
“What did you say?” Henry takes a step back, hardly able to believe what she’s said. How could she?
Kathryn looks up at him and her steel grey eyes lock on his face, “She’s a lesbian, Henry! Why in God’s name would she want a baby?”
“I think you’d better get away from me. I don’t know why I even called you.”
Kathryn stands up and shrugs, “Maybe she got what she deserved.”
Oh the rage that fills Henry! He wants to hit her, wants to shake her until she falls apart; he wants to do something and he can’t. He stands no more than a few inches from her and he can’t do a damned thing. He closes his eyes and sighs, “Please Kathryn. Just go away.”
Henry’s teeth clash together and he clenches his fists. Another tear and he drops his head.
She wedges her purse under her arm, doesn’t even look at him as she leaves.

The arrival of Jackie makes Henry almost jump off his seat. She smiles and hugs him, drops her bag and then takes his hand. She sits with him without letting him go, “Dad, how is she?”
“She’s in intensive care. She’s such a mess…”
“Have you seen the doctors?”
“Yeah, we just have to wait and see. She lost the baby.”
“Oh shit…”
Henry looks at her, “Did you know?”
Jackie nods, “Yeah..,” She stops and looks up at the wall. Her tears have started and she fights to keep them back, “She called me a couple of weeks ago. She was so happy. I thought I was talking to someone else. Did she tell you?”
Henry shakes his head, “I found out tonight when I had to sign a consent form.”
Jackie hugs him again. Henry drops his arms and rubs his eyes.
“Why don’t you go home? I’ll stay and if anything happens, I’ll call you.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever felt so tired, Jackie. What am I going to say to her?”
“Dad, go home. Rest and we’ll talk about this later.”
Henry wipes his hands on his legs, “Your mother was here.”
“So where is she?”
“I told her to go away. I couldn’t have her near me.”
“Dad, I’m sorry.”
Henry shakes his head, “Not you, Jackie. Don’t say that for her.”
Jackie looks around and stands up, “You go home. I’m going to find me a doctor and we’ll find out what’s going on.”
Henry stops at the door, “You will call, won’t you?”
“Of course. Now, go on. I love you, Dad.”
“I love you Jackie…” And how his voice sounds so tired as he leaves.