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Speed Date Blues

by M. Close 

Posted: 19 November 2009
Word Count: 494
Summary: week 185 challenge - Animal and 5 senses


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“Nope, I’m Vegan. Never touch meat, fish, eggs or dairy.”

“So, that’s just a really strict vegetarian then is it?” He asked. Not really sure where this speed date would take him.

“Oh, it’s a bit more then that,” she replied, “you see, vegans want nothing to do with anything that comes from animals.”

She was very slender with big blue eyes, straight blond hair, and a slightly red nose from the chill in the air. To say he was attracted would be an understatement, but he only had 5 minutes to make up his mind and this vegan thing kind of threw him.

“You have not tasted meat in over 15 years?” he asked. “No animal products either, like leather belts or shoes?”

“That’s right,” she affirmed, “but it’s not so bad. There is a substitute for just about everything.”

“Ice cream?”

“Yep. It’s made from soy. Tastes good and it looks the same.”

“But there is nothing as appetizing as the smell of beef cooking over an open grill.” He could hear his stomach grumbling at the thought of juicy steaks sizzling on the barbeque.

She sighed and looked away. He was just another carnivore unable to understand how those poor animals were being exploited. She told her roommate this would be a bad idea. She wanted to find a like-minded guy, a vegan, who would share her love of veggies, cotton clothes and canvas shoes. She wanted someone she could bring to rallies and demonstrate with the Animal Rights activists against the cruel treatment and slaughter of animals.

“What about honey? Do you eat Honey?” he asked, hoping to find a chink in her armor, “Bees want to make honey, and no bees are killed in the making of honey.”

“No honey,” she said, and it was time to go.

He sighed and looked over to another table where a skinny nerdy looking guy was laughing it up with a real beauty, while he sat here with an animal lover on steroids. He liked meat, eggs, cheese, leather belts, and leather shoes. God put animals on the earth for man. They were to feed man, clothe man and to help man. He looked to God now, wondering why it was that all the whack jobs came to these speed dating meetings and no normal women ever seemed to show up.

Meanwhile, across the street at the steak house, sat two very normal women eating an early dinner together, talking about the impossibility of finding a normal man. They looked into the window of the speed dating meeting and shook with laughter at the poor losers inside. When they finished their meal, they each went home to empty apartments. One fed her fish and let her cat out, the other took her dog out for a walk.

On the way home, he passed his neighbor out walking her dog. He smiled and nodded politely. She smiled in return and kept on walking.






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Comments by other Members



librarygirl at 22:45 on 19 November 2009  Report this post
Ha! I love it, very funny but then I am a meat eater. I’m not sure what a vegans take would be!

Being ultra nitpicky I am slightly confused as at the start you say;

-To say he was attracted would be an understatement,

but then later, looking to the other table he is eyeing up;

‘a real beauty, while he sat here with an animal lover on steroids.’

So does he not fancy the vegan any more? Why is she on steroids? And if it’s speed dating wont he get his turn with the beauty on the next table anyway?

Sorry I may be over analysing there. I do love the story love the way he is desperate to find some common ground. The honey lines are funny.

Love the cut to the steak house and the dog walker on the way home.

In fact I loved the story!

Liz

PS By the way my cousin met her husband dog walking.



M. Close at 01:09 on 20 November 2009  Report this post
Hi Liz, Thanks for the comments. I have not done speed dating, so I really only have a vague idea how it works. But in this case, ( hehehe ) not everyone got to see everyone else. As far as attraction goes, physically he was attracted to the vegan, and believe me, it is very possible and probable that a guy will be attracted to a plethora of women in a single setting, at the same time, if they are attractive( hope this revelation about men is not too shocking ). Then it comes down to the conversation, the sound of the voice. Is it a lovely lilting accent, or is it like fingernails on a chalkboard? Then what is she saying? do you agree or not? Could be a deal breaker right there, no matter how lovely she is, once she opens her mouth all bets could be off. And yes, the same could be said of men as well.

The animal lover 'on steroids' is American slang for 'over the top'.
A body builder is pretty buff, but a body builder on steroids takes buff to a new ghastly level. Was just trying to point out she took animal loving to a level that is way beyond normal.

I would have said all that in the story, but I only had 500 words!!!



I'm not too sure how the Vegans will react either...I have a friend who is vegan and am a bit afraid to show it to her, hehehe...

Glad you liked it, in spite of it's faults.

Mike


librarygirl at 09:45 on 20 November 2009  Report this post
I would not say the story has faults – just I had queries.

Thanks for the insight into a single mans mind!

I have never been speed dating either. I find it intriguing and the concept quite fun. But seeing as I am happily married with children it doesn’t seem to be appropriate to try it out at present.

- If that ever changes and I do go along to one, I will remember your story. Do you think as an opening line I should say;

“Hi my name’s Liz and I love red meat”


Forbes at 10:46 on 20 November 2009  Report this post
I really liked how this story panned, and the ironic ending.

Two small picks:

Tummy didn't sound right for this voice, for me.

And
like minded
should be
like-minded


Very.... Elinor Rigsby.

CHeers

Avis

Prospero at 11:19 on 20 November 2009  Report this post
Hi Mike

I enjoyed this quite light-hearted, I thought, take on the Mating Game.

Your MC is so focused on what he thinks he wants, he completely misses the slightly less obvious, but probably much better opportunities all around him.

In my youth I ate the T-shirt and wore the Burger on that one.

Best

John

Longhand at 12:28 on 20 November 2009  Report this post
I enjoyed this - a good reminder of the eternal bafflement that is the male part of the mating game. The honey line was inspired. And the idea of soy ice cream... it's enough to put a man off his sausages.

tusker at 14:30 on 20 November 2009  Report this post
Great story Mike.

The mating or meeting game has always been complex particularly for a man.

Enjoyed.

Jennifer

M. Close at 15:45 on 20 November 2009  Report this post
Thanks everyone for your comments.
Avis, I fixed the nits you picked...thanks

“Hi my name’s Liz and I love red meat”

"Yeah baby!! and I love to barbecue! Common ground already!!"

hehehe, that opening line would work really well Liz. Here's hoping you never have to use it

Mike

jenzarina at 21:25 on 20 November 2009  Report this post
I loved the ending! Although it was quite sad that all these like-minded people could be just missing each other all the time, while ending up talking to people completely wrong for them.

Luckily I have never been speed dating but the men stay sitting and the ladies (or the other way around) move along one place when the bell rings. So at the end you've spoken to everyone and if you and someone else both say you like each other your details get swapped. It sounds horrendous. I did it at a 'speed dating getting to know you' thing at work and it was nearly as bad.

Anyway, back to the story - good characterisation and dialogue, it felt real!

CharlieMac at 22:58 on 21 November 2009  Report this post
Very Men Are From Mars...

Loved the desperation in the line: “Bees want to make honey, and no bees are killed in the making of honey.” I can almost see the bees patting him on the back and nodding their agreement in earnest at her from across the table!

Had a good chuckle at this one Mike, well done.

Charlotte


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