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The Streak

by M. Close 

Posted: 11 November 2009
Word Count: 209
Summary: Started as a challenge piece but I missed the deadline and the theme was a bit off the mark as well. So just a bit of fun is all. Hope it makes you smile.


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The Streak


O’re the meadow naked, running, in the warmth my body sunning,
I ran with freedom never felt before.
There behind me, two teams chasing, out in front I kept on racing,
racing for the tunnel and the door.

In the stands, fans loudly cheering, men and women both were leering,
hoping for a spectacle of gore.
How I prayed no trip or stumble would cause me to slow or tumble,
for still they chased and close upon me bore.

Drunk was I, ‘midst jeers and laughter, realizing slowly after
leaving,what the morrow had in store,
when my mates stood, unbelieving, as I shucked my clothes then, leaving
to win the bet I’d made the night before.

All my limbs were wildly pumping, ‘gainst my legs my parts were thumping.
Now I knew the true meaning of sore!
Cursing drink I made the tunnel, at the end like one long funnel,
I ran for daylight and the open door.

Through the door I finally made it, and the bet, my friends, they paid it,
heading off for drinks and girls galore!!
“Come on mate, we double dare you, have one more it will prepare you
for the next big thing we have in store!”

Quoth the Streaker, “Nevermore!”






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Comments by other Members



V`yonne at 08:50 on 12 November 2009  Report this post
LOL Mike. That kind of syntax only works for humour. I really liked this. I thought the rhyme stanza 3 leaving/leaving was a weak point and maybe you could address that.

Send it to EDP - no guarantees - we have 5 readers! But you never know - it's fun!

jenzarina at 14:24 on 12 November 2009  Report this post
Now that made me laugh on a Thursday morning!
Great rhythm and language.

All my limbs were wildly pumping, ‘gainst my legs my parts were thumping.
Now I knew the true meaning of sore!


Brilliant!

jim60 at 18:47 on 12 November 2009  Report this post
Hi Mike,
Yeah it did make me more than smile. It genuinely made me laugh.
Good one!



M. Close at 01:19 on 13 November 2009  Report this post
Thanks for the comments. Glad I made you laugh.
I changed the 3rd stanza a bit. I wonder if that makes it more readable?

Mike

Joella at 07:05 on 13 November 2009  Report this post
This made me giggle, Mike. Very clever. I felt both the atmosphere and humour of this poem. Really like the rhythm you've created. Look forward to reading more of your work. Joella.

NicciF at 09:45 on 13 November 2009  Report this post
Hi Mike

This was wonderful and captures the images of such an "event" brilliantly. The flow and the rhythm perfectly matched the lighthearted subject matter.

I must ask, as no one else seems to dare, is this art reflecting life? Do you write so well due to personal experience?

Nicci

Findy at 11:49 on 13 November 2009  Report this post
LOL, very nice, had a nice laugh at the images you portrayed. I, ahem, echo Nicci's doubt - is this based on personal experience ;


findy (still laughing)


M. Close at 12:49 on 13 November 2009  Report this post
Nicci, Findy, hehehe, no, this is not based on anything I have done. Mr. Dullandboring here. I guess I have an active imagination, and am somewhat of a dreamer. Thank you for your kind comments.



Mike

FelixBenson at 15:03 on 13 November 2009  Report this post
Ha ha this is great Mike. I particularly enjoyed the rhythm (for some reason it made me think of the Charge of the Light Brigade!)

Very vivid this streaker's tale is, too!

joanie at 15:07 on 14 November 2009  Report this post
Hi Mike. Fantastic rhymes and wonderful rhythm. I just love the pace and the energy here! (Not to mention the story behind it)

Great one.

joanie

Nella at 20:32 on 14 November 2009  Report this post
Hi Mike, I enjoyed it, too. Loved the rhyme and rhythm, and of course the quote from the Raven (one of my favs).
Very Californian!! It brings back memories...
Robin

V`yonne at 22:27 on 14 November 2009  Report this post
I think that change works fine


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