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Fern Hill Revisited

by tusker 

Posted: 10 November 2009
Word Count: 329
Summary: For Prosp's: Out of the box challenge


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Jake carried them down from the hill, came into the cottage and placed the small cardboard box on the table.

‘For us,’ he said.

‘I wondered why you took the box out with you.’ I peered inside, saw the mushrooms and frowned.

He smiled. ‘They’re edible.’

‘How do you know?’ I lifted one out, sniffing at its heavy, earthy smell.

‘I’m a country lad.’ Jake took off his oiled jacket and hung it on a hook behind the kitchen door. Then he sat down, looked up at me and asked, ‘What do you think?’

‘Of what?’ I put the box beside the sink.

‘This place?’

I looked out of the kitchen’s small window onto bare hills that scattered white sheep. ‘Quaint,’ I told him, knowing that he needed my opinion of this hillside farm his late father had bequeathed to his only son.

‘I’m not going back,’ Jake said. ‘I can’t stand another minute in the city.’ I glanced over at him, anxiety rising. ‘Sophie, this is where I belong. I know that now. This is the place where I was born. Grew up.’ His brown eyes seemed to dim. ‘Where I broke my father’s heart when I left.’

I looked about the kitchen, aching for our minimalist apartment in Cardiff Bay. ‘There’s no work around here,’ I told him.

‘I’ve got the sheep. The land.’ A pause. Then, ‘Hopefully you, Sophie.’

I stared down at the flag stoned floor with its little hollows filled with rain water and mud brought in on Jake’s boots. ‘Let’s eat,’ I said, going to the larder, taking out freshly laid eggs to make an omelette.

‘Don’t forget the mushrooms.’ Jake got up and stood beside me, slicing into their succulent, strange flesh.

Later, we lay in front of the log fire watching Merlin dance and leap about in the flames. Dylan Thomas joined us, stepping down from a poster that hung above the fireplace, reciting ‘Fern Hill,’ in his rich Welsh voice.







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Comments by other Members



Findy at 11:53 on 10 November 2009  Report this post
Fast work Jennifer

Touching story, enjoyed very much.

findy

<Added>

Hmm I think you are below the word limit :)

tusker at 12:00 on 10 November 2009  Report this post
Glad you liked it, Findy.

Yes, I'm way below. Oh dear, never mind.

Jennifer

Prospero at 13:48 on 10 November 2009  Report this post
Lovely gentle story, Jennifer. I liked it very much.

Best

John

jenzarina at 14:18 on 10 November 2009  Report this post
A nice story, good characterisation for such few words. Maybe the resolution should be a little stronger? It didn't quite follow the emotions that came before for me...

But I liked the trippy ending - maybe if they were enjoying it more it would be a nice contrast.

tusker at 14:44 on 10 November 2009  Report this post
Thanks John.

Glad you liked it.

Jennifer

tusker at 14:55 on 10 November 2009  Report this post
Thanks Jen.

The flash is just describing those moments without resolution. I wrote it down quickly and posted it without wanting to expand, if you know what I mean.

Maybe her innocent, magic mushroom trip is all she'll get from her snatch at living the country life.

Jennifer

Longhand at 15:40 on 11 November 2009  Report this post
You've managed to squeeze a lot in there! I got a real sense of the characters and of the place. Got enough of their hopes and fears to make it feel nice and rich.

The dialogue was great. Only one tiny thing I'd point out:
‘I wondered why you took the box out with you.’

For me I think 'that box' would sound more natural.

Lovely stuff though, and it left me wanting more which is always good.

tusker at 14:46 on 13 November 2009  Report this post
Thanks Anthony, glad you enjoyed it.

Oops, my Welshness often slips into dialogue. Thanks for pointing that out.

Jennifer

Longhand at 15:52 on 13 November 2009  Report this post
Ah, but if the v that is just down to my English ears not recognising local nuances in speech (which ought to be there if the MC is Welsh herself, presumably?) then that's my problem, not the story's.

M. Close at 16:42 on 15 November 2009  Report this post
sigh....very nice story. Strikes a very deep chord with me as I am about to embark on similar adventure under different circumstances. Still moving from the city and the life you know to the country....hoping you can make a go of it....loved it.
I hope she stayed. I hope they were able to see their way clear to make ends meet, and I hope thay did that before the mushrooms, but continue to enjoy them in their new life together.

Mike


tusker at 18:35 on 15 November 2009  Report this post
Thanks Mike, I hope so too but I doubt it.

Good luck with your new venture.

Jennifer

Longhand at 15:09 on 08 March 2010  Report this post
I still remember little images from this story, nearly four months on now. Just thought you might like to know that.


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