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Pillow Talk

by tusker 

Posted: 30 October 2009
Word Count: 504
Summary: For this week's challenge


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Content Warning
This piece and/or subsequent comments may contain strong language.



‘It’s so quiet here.’ Louise knew James was awake.

‘You’re the one who wanted peace and quiet,’ came his tired reply.

She sat up in the bed. ‘Perhaps we should’ve gone to Greece.’

He groaned. ‘I suggested Greece, remember?’ His breathing became louder with obvious irritation. ‘You said, a cottage in Cornwall. Somewhere away from civilisation.’

‘I know what I said, James.’

‘Well, we’re here now so make the best of it.’ He turned over and she felt the draught of his movement.

Louise stared about the room but could only see darkness. Outside, no street lights brightened up the surroundings. No traffic hummed or headlights spanned the warm room to distract her from her troubled mind.

‘It’s so bloody silent,’ she whispered.

‘It’s due to the fact that we’re at least six miles from the nearest hamlet and slap bang in the middle of a field,’ came the weary response.

Louise swung her legs out from under the duvet and getting up, padded over to the low window to peer out onto black velvet. ‘I can hear my thoughts,’ she said. ‘They’re like loud voices.’ A sound came from the bed; a sighing sound and then silence. ‘They’re telling me how stupid I’ve been. They’re saying I should make my mind up instead of hedging my bets. Stop pretending.’

‘Lou!’ She heard him pound his pillow. ‘For God’s sake, what are you on about? Are you going bloody mad?’

She sat on the window’s wide sill and felt a breath of wind brush her face. ‘I don’t think I love you, James. I really don’t think I do.’

The bedside lamp flashed on. James sat up, hair tousled. ‘You what?’

‘I tried to forgive you,’ Louise told him. ‘I tried to pretend that bitch didn’t exist. That you’d fucked her when I was pregnant and after Anna’s birth. But I can’t pretend or forgive anymore.’

His face paled. His mouth clamped shut like a petulant juvenile. Then he raised a hand out towards her, saying, ‘It was only a fling, Lou. When you were pregant and then lost the baby, I couldn’t speak, touch or get near to you.’

‘WE LOST OUR BABY DAUGHTER!’ Louise jumped to her feet. ‘She was ours. Our child. You choose her name, remember? But it’s always about you, isn’t it? Poor James. Never mind James. I’ll kiss it and make it bloody better, James.’ A pain seared her chest. She gasped. Inhaled deeply and then in a quieter tone, said, ‘No more pampering to your whims, James. No more blaming myself when things don’t go your way. You’re just one big selfish, egotistical bastard.’

Louise stalked out of the room, down the rickety stairs, out through the kitchen door and stood in the silent garden. An owl hooted close by. Another owl screeched back. Now Louise knew what she must do. What she should’ve done, six months ago. End her marriage. Cut that invisible, umbilical cord that had tied her to James over the past eight years.






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Comments by other Members



V`yonne at 11:47 on 30 October 2009  Report this post
Good Jennifer. Pick choose should be chose. I thought that since you made a thing about the baby name you should name her.
‘WE LOST OUR DAUGHTER EMMA!’ Louise jumped to her feet. ‘She was ours. Our child. You chose her name but you never say it!

I like the way you set it on holiday. Lots of people go on holiday to escape reality. I'm told one of the commonest places to 'break up' is Paris. People go there becasue it's romantic but it isn't.

Prospero at 13:40 on 30 October 2009  Report this post
A sad little story, Jennifer, and I fear true for a lot of couples. What possesses men to have affairs when their wives are so vulnerable? It is twice cruel and twice damnable. Your story makes the point well,

Well done

Best

Prosp

Thanks for the tip, Surface. Scunthorpe, it is. There is nothing remotely romantic about Scunthorpe.



jenzarina at 13:49 on 30 October 2009  Report this post
Good characterisation - 'showing' without 'telling'
I love that the quietness of the holiday lets her hear the voices that she was drowning out.

Findy at 13:52 on 30 October 2009  Report this post
I really like the way the story flowed, loved the transition of emotions.

Great story!

findy



tusker at 14:05 on 30 October 2009  Report this post
Thanks Oonah.

Will take that on board. Choose, chose. I always get muddled up with those.

Jennifer

tusker at 14:06 on 30 October 2009  Report this post
Thanks Prosp.

Holidays can make or break a relationship. Luckily, me and hubby enjoy holidays on our own.

Jennifer

tusker at 14:07 on 30 October 2009  Report this post
Thanks Jen,

Yes, silence makes our thoughts heard, it doesn't disguise the reality of a situation.

Jennifer

tusker at 14:09 on 30 October 2009  Report this post
Thanks Findy.

Once I started it, so it grew. I enjoy writing dialogue after doing, years ago, a course on radio plays.

No, I didn't write a play.

Jennifer

Cholero at 21:27 on 30 October 2009  Report this post
Jennifer

Really, really nice writing and story-telling, loved the depth.

I almost could hear that silence you describe!

Liked the window-sill and the blackness beyond, lovely symbol for her emotional position.

Terrific.

Pete



V`yonne at 01:15 on 31 October 2009  Report this post
Jen - it's a Welsh thing! Something to do with the various pronunciation of the 'o' 'oo' 'u' sounds. I found this often in spelling mistakes in Wales. In every part of the country spelling mistakes take on accent. BUT that is the very thing that makes English such a great written language. The anomalous spelling over-rides accent! and unites us with a vast spectrum of thought, geographical and historical! Most people dont realise that this curse is a blessing nad we eschew it at our peril.

Can someone get me a ladder? This soapbox is too high!

<Added>

Never mind...I slipped down the 'and' and am safely on the ground :)

tusker at 09:10 on 31 October 2009  Report this post
Thanks Pete, glad you liked it.

Jennifer

tusker at 09:11 on 31 October 2009  Report this post
So that's what it is, Oonah.

I have the same problem with loose and lose.

Jennifer

Laurence at 14:41 on 31 October 2009  Report this post
Great piece of writing - stayed with me for sometime.

Laurence

V`yonne at 15:04 on 31 October 2009  Report this post
I imagine you would, Jennifer

tusker at 15:22 on 31 October 2009  Report this post
Thanks Laurence. Glad it had an effect.

Jennifer

tusker at 15:22 on 31 October 2009  Report this post
Ha ha, Oonah.

Jennifer

Bunbry at 16:25 on 31 October 2009  Report this post
I think this is one of your best pieces Jennifer! Nicely done, ticks all the boxes for me.

Nick

tusker at 16:39 on 31 October 2009  Report this post
Wow, Nick. What a compliment. Thanks.

Jennifer

choille at 21:17 on 03 November 2009  Report this post
Hi Jennifer - i really like this. it is as if she can suddenly hear herself think that they are in the middle of nowhere. I am not surprised that she wants an end to their sham of a marriage - what a cad, having an affair when she was pregnant & then continusing when she'd lost the baby.

Then blaming her for being unapproachable - good for her.

Great flash
All the best
caroline.

tusker at 09:21 on 04 November 2009  Report this post
Thanks Caroline.

How many women put up with it, I wonder?

Jennifer


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