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Somme
Posted: 25 October 2009
Word Count: 115
Summary: inspired by my great grandfathers account ww1
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Children of the Somme, dead men of mud and water;
killed by lead and steel, for them no last supper no
last meal. Children of the Somme, consumed by mud
and water, sent in their thousands to their slaughter;
nerves that were shattered breath that was shallow,
felled in fields that were lifeless and fallow,
hearts that were pounding body’s that trembled as
in their trenches they assembled.
Like an order from god they awaited
their place to go over the top and stare death
in the face. Men of all nation’s men of all ages,
condemned to their death’s and the history books pages.
Lest we forget ………………… remember them.
By Tony Morgan 1997
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Comments by other Members
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 James Graham at 13:30 on 28 October 2009
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This is obviously a very genuine poem, expressing the sense of tragedy that we can still feel almost a hundred years after that terrible war. There's an interesting technical point to note too - your use of rhyme which is sometimes at the ends of lines and sometimes placed elsewhere. This gives the poem something of a modern form. However, it's still hard not to be reminded of the original First World War poets such as Wilfred Owen. In your poem you seem to be saying the same things over again, nothing new. What you say in the poem is all true, of course - except maybe 'men of all ages'! - but it's not very original.
I see you wrote this poem more than 10 years ago, and I don't know if you feel like trying another on the same subject. I think I can see a good way to approach it. You say it was inspired by your great-grandfather's story. If so, you could personalise your war poem. I don't know if you actually knew your great-grandfather, or if he talked to you about the war, or if there was one occasion when he told you his story. If there was, you could write about where and when this happened. Write about him, and write about the war through him. If you can, include some of the terrible things he must have seen, which would be very like the things you've already written about. In this way the horror of the war becomes a kind of inheritance, passed down to you from him. In a strange way you value this inheritance as much as any family heirloom.
This is probably nothing like your own experience, but a poem might run along these lines: one day as a child, you are listening to radio or TV news about some war, Vietnam maybe. You ask your great-grandfather if he was in a war, or what's it like to be in a war. He tells you his story. You finish the poem with the idea of having received an inheritance from him.
If you never heard the story directly from your great-grandfather, there could still be a way of writing about his story as an inheritance. From whom did you hear about it?
I hope you won't mind too much my saying this poem doesn't succeed very well because it lacks originality - but that's how I see it. I've also tried to suggest how you could rework it to produce something much more original. Let me know what you think.
James.
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 NicciF at 17:23 on 28 October 2009
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Hi Tony
To say that I enjoyed reading this poem seems wrong in the light of it's subject matter. However, I did enjoy it. There are some great images (and again sorry if that's the wrong word).
Children of the Somme, consumed by mud
and water, |
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and
nerves that were shattered breath that was shallow,
felled in fields that were lifeless and fallow,
hearts that were pounding body’s that trembled as
in their trenches they assembled. |
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Great is the wrong word - perhaps powerful is what I mean.
There's a sense of duty, but also a feeling of the futility of it all. I agree with James that it reminded me of Wilfred Owen so it's not particularly original and yet the different rhyming patterns do give it a modern twist.
Perhaps as James suggests look at something which is less generalised. Use something a little more personal to give the subject matter a total different feel.
My great-grandfather was awarded a British Humane Society medal for bravery in 1901 when he jumped into the Modder River (SA) to save the life of another soldier. I don't know enough of the details, and there's no one left to ask, however, I think something like that would make a very poingnant poem about an individual's experience during the Boer War.
Hope this helps rather than hinders.
Nicci
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Tmog at 01:06 on 31 October 2009
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I did know my great grandfather, he died when i was 17, though we really never talked about the great war. I do know how ever that he won a commision in the field and was mentioned in despatches for his bravery. He also saved the life of one of his wounded friends when he went back out into no mans land and under fire from german machine guns pulled his friend to safety. he was at the somme and also at pashendale were he survived a gas attack. He was born in dover castle when it was still a garrison fort and lived to the age of 92.
<Added>
I did know my great grandfather, he died when i was 17, though we really never talked about the great war. I do know how ever that he won a commision in the field and was mentioned in despatches for his bravery. He also saved the life of one of his wounded friends when he went back out into no mans land and under fire from german machine guns pulled his friend to safety. he was at the somme and also at pashendale were he survived a gas attack. He was born in dover castle when it was still a garrison fort and lived to the age of 92. most of the stories were passed to me from my gran who was always an insperation in my life.
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