Login   Sign Up 



by Ling Ling 

Posted: 11 November 2003
Word Count: 68

Font Size

Printable Version
Print Double spaced

My life is as a ship
Crashing, thundering -
through the stormy waves of time.
Tossed onto the rocks I am motionless,
with only the strength of my heart
to keep me afloat.

Anchorless I wait for
the dawning of the day -
when I bask on your safer shores.
Come, free me from this watery grave,
for my hull was built for love's adventure,
Not it's perils.

Favourite this work Favourite This Author

Comments by other Members

roovacrag at 06:12 on 12 November 2003  Report this post
Abeautiful poem. xx Al

poemsgalore at 18:16 on 13 November 2003  Report this post
This is wonderful, especially:

"Anchorless I wait for
the dawning of the day -
when I bask on your safer shores."

Ling Ling at 22:58 on 13 November 2003  Report this post
Isnt it strange what provokes creativity? I am glad that my attempt pleases. Thank you for the kind words of encouragement. xx

The Walrus at 14:19 on 14 November 2003  Report this post
I like the clarity of the imagery in this. The sentiment conveyed is also very powerful.

Couple of technical points (as though my poetry is technically perfect... yeah right) 'Thundering' has one 'r' I think! Also, you start with the simile of "My life is like a ship' in the first stanza and then switch to a metaphor "my hull was built" in the last. I would suggest the simplest way to do this is simply remove the "like" from the first line. I could be completely wrong on this and it does flow well whatever, but it might be more consistent to stick with one or the other.

I support Alice and Poemsgalore's comments. It is a beautiful poem Ling Ling.

The Walrus

Ling Ling at 15:38 on 16 November 2003  Report this post
Thanks Walrus

Thats very sweet of you to be so helpful with your comments. I am a complete amature when it comes to writing, so any suggestions are more than greatfully recieved. Glad you liked it. Ling Ling x

Fearless at 17:09 on 19 November 2003  Report this post
It's a cracking effort Ling-Ling!


To post comments you need to become a member. If you are already a member, please log in .