1

“We got half a body.”
“Top or bottom?”
Nobody laughs. Except one. The man who spoke sniffs and wipes his nose, “A joke that you want to explain, Charli?”
Charli, who perhaps had spoke a little too soon, looks at him without blinking, “I thought it was a fair question.”
“Well, if you’d let me finish, maybe you wouldn’t sound so fucking stupid.”
“Hey, if you want stupid, he’s on a day off.” Charli smiles, picking up her coffee.
“Okay, assignment; Charli, yeah that’s you stupid, you and Tina get this one.”
Tina looks up at her and doesn’t smile, “Oh…great.”
“Yeah, I knew you’d like it.”
“Fuck off Charli.”
“Ooh, bitchy.”
“Bradley, you and Smith can do the follow ups but Charli and Tina are lead. Got it?”
A series of moans that don’t really lead anywhere follow.
“Keith, you know I’m on a weekend off?”
Keith turns at the door, “Yeah, but it’s Wednesday, any other reason why not?”
“No, we’re on it.”
Tina stands up, puts her jacket on and stares at Charli, “Oy, I’m waiting for you, madam.”
Charli stands up, tucking her shirt in, “You forget how to drive?”
“Jesus, I gotta work with you?”
“You could always quit. You’d be doing me a favour.”
Tina starts heading for the door, Keith hands her the file.
“Oh, and so we don’t get this wrong, it’s the top half.”
Charli brushes passed them, “Nice, really.”
“Sarcasm doesn’t suit you Charli.”
“No and nor do these shoes.”

The door to the ladies bangs shut. Tina places the file on a sink and runs a hot tap, a cubicle door opens behind her, looking in the mirror, she sees Charli pull her hair out from her coat and her shrug, ”Something wrong with you today?”
“Yeah. Period.”
Tina makes a face at her, “Don’t fucking take it out on me.”
“Why are you so special?”
“We’re leads on this. Our chance to shine.”
Charli turns a tap on, “Yeah, big fucking deal.”
Tina turns her tap off, shaking her hands, “It is for me. All I’m gonna ask is that you don’t fuck it up.”
“I won’t. Just give me a little room.”
Tina runs her hands under the hot hand drier, “You fuck it up and you’ll need more than a little room.”
Charli leans on a sink, “You know, you’re really beginning to piss me off.”
“Good. Come on, we got work to do.”

Tina takes a quick look back at the house before walking towards Charli, who’s sitting on the front wing of the car, “So what’d you get?”
“Neighbour, Mrs. Josephine Tully. She saw him from her bedroom window about eight o’clock this morning. She knows that because the news gets her out of bed.”
“They’ve bagged and tagged him, he’s being shipped to Central Mid, be a couple of hours before we get a full report.”
“You want to get lunch?”
“Yeah, you’re paying.”
Charli looks passed Tina, a tall figure in a full white suit, he pulls the hood back and smiles at them, “Hey, Colin. Whatcha got?”
“I got a dose like you wouldn’t believe. You want to share?”
“Fuck you. I meant the victim.”
“Oh, my dear ladies, we got bits of him all over the garden, a real messy one.”
“Any ideas?”
“It’s too early, but I don’t know.”
Tina laughs, “And that’s it? That’s all you’re gonna say?”
Colin shrugs his large shoulders, “At this stage yes. We’re still clearing it up.”
Charli slips off the car, “So when do you reckon?”
“Give me a few hours.”
Charli opens the drivers door, a look at Tina, “Lunch?”
“Lunch.”

Charli nudges Tina, “Get a table, I’ll do the honours. Tea or coffee?”
Tina glances around, “Coffee.”
Getting a tray and pulling her wallet out of her jacket, Charli stands at the counter and is greeted by a very tall thin young man, he stoops as he serves her.
Tina clears away a tray and scraps and sits at a small square table. She watches Charli at the desk as she pays.
There is a little swagger in the way she walks.
“There you go, one coffee. Sandwich is coming.”
“What did you order?”
“Toasted ham and cheese and a half baguette for me with beef.”
“Oh…”
“Hey, don’t knock it. It’s free.”
“My turn tomorrow. Not here though, it looks a bit grubby.”
“You are a bit of a snob, aren’t you?”
Tina laughs, “Yeah, so what’s wrong with that?”
“The way you talk, you’d never think so.”
“That’s all part of the act. We have to be tough, you know that.”
“Yeah, but you tend to overdo the theatrics.”
“Ah, fuck you. You’re too critical.”
“See? What was I saying?”
Tina tears open two sachets of sugar. She looks at the plastic tea spoon and sighs.
“Now what, weaponry not up to spec?”
“It’s just that…bollocks, it doesn’t matter.”
“Hey, you learnt a new word. Bollocks. Not one I usually hear you say.”
Charli drinks her tea. Not bothered about the plastic spoon.
“I was going to say bollocks rather than fuck, but it doesn’t always work.”
“Before we forget where we are, could we talk about this morning?”
“We haven’t got much to start with. Half a body and one witness and that’s it. Not really much we can talk about.”
The tall young man that had served Charli places two plates at their table. Charli thanks him and waits until he walks away before saying anything else, “Well, by the time we get back, we should have the preliminary from Central and maybe Colin’s got something.”
“Apart from the dose, you mean.”
“Yeah, maybe we should stop off at the chemists on the way back.”
“Do you think they sell guns?”
Charli laughs, picking up her half baguette, “Yeah, we could always ask.”
Tina turns her plate, snatching up a few crisps, “I’m looking forward to a weekend off.”
“Any plans?”
“Nope. Just going to relax and read a book. You?”
“Housework and a shit load of dirty washing.”
“I’ve told you about that before.”
“Yeah, so do you want to come round and do it?”
“Er, no. You can’t look after yourself then what the hell can I do?”
“I need to buy a hoover.”
“You broke another one?”
“No, it died. I didn’t do anything to it.”
Tina picks up her sandwich, “Tomorrow. Lunch. Not here.”
Charli rolls her eyes and drinks her tea…

“A wild animal. Some sort of wild animal. Are they taking the piss?”
“Hey, don’t look at me, I never said that.”
Charli twirls the key ring around her finger, “Yeah, and Colin wasn’t much better. I think we should get him some penicillin.”
“I’m tired and I want to go home. Can’t we leave it for now and come back to this tomorrow?”
“Where do we get wild animals in North West London? I know there’s three parks, but that’s all.”
“Do you really think it’s a wild animal?”
Charli shrugs, “How the fuck would I know? I thought…oh fuck it, let’s go home.”
“Hey, you’re good!”
“What?”
“Two fucks in one sentence, you’re improving.”
“Tina, get in your car, go home and I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Oh, no swearing all of a sudden?”
Charli points in the direction of Tina’s car, “Just go!”
“It wouldn’t be a rabid squirrel would it?”
Tina laughs and starts walking away.
Charli opens her car door, “Hey, are we still on for dinner tomorrow night?”
“Yes. And please, don’t wear jeans and don’t wear those fucking shoes!”
“Will trousers do?”
Tina says something but Charli can’t quite hear her…

Charli puts her feet on the end of her bath, wriggling her toes and humming a random tune. A peculiar, very weird sort of day…her phone starts ringing.
Reaching over, she takes it off the toilet, “Yellow?”
“Red. Hey I was thinking.”
“Oh shit! There you go again.”
Tina laughs, “During the course of this afternoon, did anyone say either the words eaten or torn?”
Now, Charli has to think. Eaten or torn? She looks at her toes again. Eaten or torn?
“No, not that I recall. The summation was that he was attacked by a wild animal, species as yet unknown.”
“We’re going back there tomorrow.”
“Oh…joy!”
“The house is still cordoned off, we need to have a look again.”
“So you go then. You can tell me all about it when you get back.”
“Charli, we are partners in this.”
“Yeah and that’s probably the worst excuse I’ve ever heard.”
Then it sounds like a chinking in the back ground, “I’m having a nice hot mug of tea. What’re you doing?”
“I am in the bath. I was having a nice bath. Then you ring and now, it doesn’t feel as nice.”
“Oh, am I really ruining it?”
“Tina, either come over or fuck off. You’ve got a key.”
“You don’t mind?”
“Do I sound happy about it?”
“Hmm, not really, no.”
“If you want to come over and talk that’s fine. Now, my water is going cold. Hang up and I’ll see you.”
“Oh, okay. I’ll come over.”
“Shit!”
Click.

Charli puts her cigarette out and stands up. The front door bangs shut, “Good timing.”
“Charli?” Tina stands by the door, a take away balanced on her left arm.
“I was joking.”
Tina shoves the keys in her coat pocket, “About what?”
“You coming over.”
“Yeah, but I brought food as well.”
Charli walks into the kitchen, “You know where the plates are, just don’t break any.”
“No, because that’s what you do.”
Tina puts the bag on the table, counting chairs, “Wasn’t there four of those?”
Charli looks around at her, “Yeah, I broke one.”
Tina smiles and goes to the units above the sink, “I’m not going to ask.”
“Good, because I’m not going to tell.” Charli turns the kettle on.
“So, as I was saying…”
“You want to go back and have another look around. Yeah, I got that.”
Tina places the plates on the table, Charli hands her knives and forks, “Don’t you think it’s a little weird?”
“I don’t think it’s little, no. It is weird.”
“Yeah and that’s what got me to thinking.”
“You want to stop doing that.”
Charli tears off some kitchen towel and hands the sheets to her.
“You’re putting me off.”
“Yeah, something I’m good at.”
“Charli!”
“Tina!”
“Would you-”
“I’m going to make tea. Please feel free to sit your arse down and just get to the fucking point!”
Tina sits down. Taking out the containers of food, “I got you a korma.”
“Chicken?”
“Yeah. I thought I’d give the madras a try.”
“Right, so remind me to keep the windows open tomorrow.”
The kettle boils and clicks off Two mugs, two teabags and milk from the fridge. Charli then puts the sugar container on the table, along with a metal teaspoon.
Tina empties out one lot of rice onto her plate, “So, me and my thinking.”
“Yeah, okay you’re here now so you might as well get on with it.”
Charli brings the two mugs to the table, placing them and then sitting down. She pulls the lid off one container, “That’s boiled! Where’s the pilau?”
“Shit, I forgot. Oops, sorry.”
“You did get a nan, didn’t you?”
“I got two. Plain and that weird one.”
Charli laughs, “Weird, huh?”
“Could we stick with our half a man?”
“Yeah, go on then.”
“What if he was eaten by something? Then, I got thinking maybe he was torn apart by something?”
Charli rips one of the nan’s apart, “I got out of the bath and put my pyjamas on for that?”
Tina loads her fork and takes some of the nan, “And this.”
“You were thinking about two something’s?”
“Yeah, but hang on a minute. What was our half a man doing in his garden at eight in the morning?”
“Well, as I don’t live there and I didn’t actually see anything, I haven’t got a clue.”
“Did Mrs. Tully say anything about a dog or a cat?”
“No. Just the news.”
“In a cupboard, under his sink, they found dog food.”
“So you think his dog did it and ran off?”
The madras makes Tina’s eyes water and her mouth feels like it’s on fire, “No, but what if something had the dog and took our man as a snack?”
“Time of death was established around six thirty. Maybe the man was just letting his dog out and that’s when he got done.”
“Yeah, but by what?”
Charli shrugs, “Something…”