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An Ordinary Day

by Flyswat 

Posted: 17 October 2009
Word Count: 99
Summary: Flash Poetry Comp Week 62


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AN ORDINARY DAY

Six oíclock in the morning
Already itís dark
I hear no songs
But a kettle yawning
Dogs all of a wag
Work is calling

Caffine induced Iím kissed on my way
Reluctant clock in
Smell the copper
Nine hours til the end of day
Four forty five
Smiles to the play

Home and the kettle screaming
One coffee one tea
Traffic beaten
She and I enjoy breathing
An evening prelude
Entertainment is anything

Eleven thirty and time to retire
Lights out
Love the duvet
Rampant sex all we desire
Night-night kiss
An ordinary day has expired






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Comments by other Members



V`yonne at 12:20 on 17 October 2009  Report this post
Hi Heath, Got a bit confused becasue of
Six oíclock in the morning
Already itís dark

the word already? Still dark?
and I'm not sure I know what you mean by Smiles to the play but maybe I'm just reading it wrong.
again here
Entertainment is anything
did you mean anything or everything?
I liked the details - the kettle yawning and for the most part the rhyme was well handled. I'm not sure about the rampant sex line (never part of any ordinary day I've had - must have missed out!)

joanie at 12:29 on 17 October 2009  Report this post
Hi Flyswat. This is a good account of your day! I like little snippets like
a kettle yawning
Dogs all of a wag
and
She and I enjoy breathing


I enjoyed the rhymes too and I think the short lines are effective in that they add to the swift progression of the day's activities.

I was a bit confused by the second line, though. Already didn't seem quite right.

Good response to the challenge!

joanie

<Added>

Oonah, I have just seen your response! I've been typing this off and on for a little while. I see we agree with 'already'!

<Added>

Oh dear, I was going to write something similar to Oonah about the sex, but I didn't! I could relate to most of the other things here..... it's obviously age!

Flyswat at 12:36 on 17 October 2009  Report this post
Hello all.

Thanks for the comments so far.

To clarify the word 'Already' in the second line: It is now Autumn.... the piece is current... had it been past then it would have been light at 6am during spring and summer.... bit like the evenings already..... not too long ago we walked the dogs at 7.30ish, now we have to do as soon as we get home.



joanie at 12:41 on 17 October 2009  Report this post
Ah yes, I see - 'already' in the year rather than 'already' in the day!

Flyswat at 12:46 on 17 October 2009  Report this post
I'm sorry....... I don't understand the issue raised over 'rampant sex'. I'm 41, does that help? :-)


Flyswat at 12:52 on 17 October 2009  Report this post
V'yonne........ 'smiles to the play' is my expression and vision of what I see when a line forms at the clocking machine when everyone leaves. All smiles cos they're happy to be leaving to do whatever they choose to do after work....play.

p.s. can anyone tell me how to get smileys cos I don't want you all thinking I'm grumpy and miserable!!!! :-)

Flyswat at 12:54 on 17 October 2009  Report this post
.... and 'entertainment is anything' is how I meant to write it.


Nella at 20:45 on 17 October 2009  Report this post
I liked this, Flyswat. I understood the "already it's dark" just as you meant it - it's October and already so dark so early in the morning. I also understood "entertainment is anything" as being just that: after a grueling day at the job, one is welcome for any other thing that can provide entertainment. Appreciated your explanation of "smiles to the play".

I stumbled at first a little over:
Reluctant clock in
and wondered if it would be more clear if you wrote it: clock-in.

Robin


Flyswat at 18:30 on 18 October 2009  Report this post
Thanks Robin. Yes I did mean 'clock-in'. Apologies.


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