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Chosen Chapter 26

by fbtoast 

Posted: 17 October 2009
Word Count: 1666
Summary: Hope this chapter doesn't seem too much like telling and not showing!


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He heard an inhuman cry, like the shriek of a bird of prey, then there were figures, shadowy figures, cloaked in grey and green, emerging from the woods, behind the livid figures of the Terrori. He tried to croak out, ‘Help!’ but his tongue felt thick in his mouth and no sound came out but a strangled choking grunt. One of the Terrori fell on top of him, a knife sticking out from between his shoulder blades. It was Warblay. Hex dragged himself out from under the body, only to see Bulldog charging towards him, his naked blade in his hand. Yanking the knife out of Warblay’s back, he parried the other’s weapon with his stick while thrusting up into his ribs with the bloody knife. The force of his own momentum drove the Terrori forward onto the knife. He shrieked and went down.

Hex pulled the bloody knife free and looked around. The whole thing had happened in moments. There were five people standing and four people down, the Terrori, all dead. Beyond the track, from the trees, came the sound of childish voices.

‘Hex!’ said the nearest figure. ‘Don’t let the girls see this! Keep them back while we rid us of these carrion.’

It was Anver. He was still shedding feathers, he had transformed so fast. Hex stuck the knife into his belt and ran, wiping his blood-stained hands on his clothes as he went.

Just beyond the bend of the path, he found Neve and Efa. They were crouched in the undergrowth, but Neve sprang up as she saw him crying, ‘Hex!’

Efa jumped up too. He gathered them in his arms, they were both so small and light, even though Neve was a year older than Corny.

‘Neve! Efa! Come away from here now. Where’s your father?’ He was leading them away from the fatal path as he spoke, holding one small hand in each of his own.

‘Ma’s behind the hill, with our Cullum,’ said Neve, hanging on to Hex’s hand with all her might. ‘Oh, Hex, we were that affrighted, our hearts failed within us. Thank the gods you were there. When I saw you, I thought my eyes would start from my head! Where is Anver?’

‘He’s alright,’ Hex reassured her. ‘He’s fine and all your companions too. They’re coming on behind. But who are they, Neevy? Are they from Weal?’

Neve shook her head, her eyes large. ‘They’re our friends,’ was all she could say, sounding none too certain. Then, ‘I wish we were back at Weal, Hex, I do. Can’t we go back to Weal now?’

Hex wished he could find some words to make her feel better – she seemed so different from the carefree girl he had last seen just a few weeks ago at Weal. They had come round the curve of a low rise as they were talking and they entered now into a makeshift camp. A woman was stooped over a fire, stirring something in a pot, while a child, little Cullum, clung to her knee. She was shrouded all in grey, her head bent and it was only when she looked up that Hex recognised Anver’s mother, Brede.
Her eyes widened and she looked as if she were about to rise to greet him, but then the light went out of her eyes and she returned to her cooking.

Hex approached her, ignoring the girls who tugged at his arms.

‘Mother Brede?’ he said, dropping to his knees beside her. ‘It’s me. I’m so glad Anver found you. Are you well?’

She did not respond to his voice, nor to his gentle hand on her shoulder. Cullum, who had always loved Hex, was also silent, burying his face in his mother’s lap.

Neve tugged at his sleeve again and said, ‘Come away, Hex. She doesn’t hear ye. Her spirit’s sick. Don’t you worry at her.’

Hex allowed himself to be led away. Anver and the other men – there were five of them, he now saw – returned to the clearing not long after. The strangers, although they looked at him, did not approach, but let Anver come over to speak to Hex alone.

He did not speak until he had taken two proffered bowls from his sister and given one to Hex. Then he said, without any preamble: ‘My father is dead. And our baby Rees too. The baby took a chill one night when they lay on the road out of Weal. Da tried all his lore, but nothing could aid her. Her sweet soul fled to the fields a fortnight since – may the blessed souls of the Folk meet her there and keep her till we come for her.’

His voice sounded hoarse and he fell silent, his bread in one hand, not eating.

Then, as if returning in thought from some distant road, he started to speak again: ‘Toads harried them time and again on the road from Weal – the parting gift of the Master. Or mayhap ‘tis the way the world wags in these times. And one fellow he tries to take them in charge for some so-called wrongdoing – vagrancy, he named it. My Da took it ill, his heart was sick for Rees and he spoke to the man. They had words, words led to blows, and in it all, my Da’s soul parted from his body and flew to join our darling babe.’

He spoke without looking at Hex, but at these last words, a tear rolled down his cheek and fell into his food.

‘They took my Ma and the other bairns, they meant them for the holding pens at Carrock’s Ditch, with many other such poor ones of the Folk that they had swept up on the road for their fancied misdeeds. But the gods be praised, the Partia,’ he nodded towards the men who were clustered round the fire, eating in silence, ‘raided the line on the road, slew the guard and freed their prey. Many fled at once and others stayed with the main body of the Partia who work out of the Wolves Vale, but this party – Cefn and Anraed and Finbar and the rest – was coming south to Norton and Ma went with them to seek her kin in Norton-without-Pale.

‘I tracked them from the fowl of the air, who shared with me their news as I went, and found them on the road. My Ma’s mind is overborne with grief, as you find her now, and I must see her and the bairns to her kin.’

He put down his bowl and turned to face Hex, his hand on his knee. His face was pale. In the few days since Hex had seen him last, something had changed. He no longer seemed like a boy, but a man, grim and determined.

‘Then, my dear friend,’ he said, gripping Hex’s shoulder, ‘once I have seen them safe, I will go with the Partia. I go to seek the Border where the Folk still fight to win their ancient lands. I have heeded the counsel of our wise ones for too long. We cannot stick to the old ways, sue for peace, leave the Stranger to his wars and his gold. If the Folk are to live, we must give battle to the Stranger who have laid us beneath their harrow.’

His eyes were bright and fierce.

‘You’re joining the rebels?’ Hex exclaimed. ‘But there is no quarter for a rebel. If you are caught they will hang you from the nearest tree. The Partia, you, every man here is a dead man. Leave them here, now, and I’ll help you and your family to Norton. We’ll see the Councillor Wallop. He is a great man, Anver. He can help you.’

Anver shook his head. ‘It is too late. Those Terroir back there that we slew, each one is a death sentence for me, and maybe even for you.’

‘I’ll tell them,’ said Hex. ‘I’ll tell them you came to my aid against an unprovoked attack.’

‘And will they take your word for it?’ said Anver. ‘The word of a wanted man? Nay, dear heart, when once we came to your aid, I knew I would cross a line. There is no going back for me now.’

How had it come to this? He had fled Weal to escape a charge of murder and now he was a murderer and he had drawn Anver into mortal danger. ‘Then let me come with you,’ he said. ‘I am lost as well as you. There is no haven for me within the Bounds. I’ll come to the Border with you and the Partia.’

Anver shook his head. ‘And bear arms against your own kind? You know that it cannot be. And if you would do it, yet the Partia would not take you.’ He cast a sideways look at the rough, wild men, in their shabby gear. ‘ I know you. You are my brother. But they hate all Strangers. They would have killed you in that glade along with the Terrori if I had not stayed their hand. Even now, you are in danger from them. We must part, my dear friend, and there is no time for fond farewells.’

‘Anver!’

One of the men, dark-eyed, gaunt-faced, with streaks of silver in his dark beard and hair, gestured towards the skies. Hex saw with a shock that where Mother Brede and the children had been there now stood a wild duck and her three young. The rest of the men were already transforming.

Anver leaned forward and placed a quick kiss on Hex’s forehead. ‘I must be gone. Fare thee well, dear heart.’
He leapt into the air with a shout, transforming as he did so into his bird form. The little clearing filled with birds and in seconds they had lifted high above the woods and were wheeling in the direction of Norton.






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Comments by other Members



Mand245 at 17:18 on 17 October 2009  Report this post
What a great chapter. I really enjoyed this, Nicole. The only thing that I wondered about was why Anver didn't ask Hex, even briefly, what had happened since they parted company, and specifically why he didn't ask after Corny.

That aside, I thought this was really good, although I am left with the slightly uneasy feeling that, at some point in the future, Hex and Anver could find themselves on opposing sides.

Beautifully written as always with some lovely descriptions. I only had one or two very small niggles:

Yanking the knife out of Warblay’s back, he parried the other’s weapon with his stick while thrusting up into his ribs with the bloody knife.

I had to read this a couple of times before I was sure it was Hex yanking the knife and not the charging Terrori. Maybe you could say "Hex parried" rather than "he parried"

came the sound of childish voices.

"childish" didn't sound quite right because presumably these voices belong to the girls, who are children. The word childish makes me think of adults acting as children rather than just children.

these carrion.’

I'm probably wrong but I would have said the four corpses were carrion (singular) and therefore I would have said "this" rather than "these"

Hex wished he could find some words to make her feel better – she seemed so different from the carefree girl he had last seen just a few weeks ago at Weal.

I think we've had this discussion before, and agreed to disagree, but I would use a semi colon rather than a dash

Her eyes widened and she looked as if she were about to rise to greet him, but then the light went out of her eyes and she returned to her cooking.

The repetition of "eyes" didn't sound right, but I can't think what you'd say instead.

Anver and the other men – there were five of them, he now saw – returned to the clearing not long after.

Not being a great fan of the dash, I would replace both with commas.

My Da took it ill, his heart was sick for Rees and he spoke to the man.

I'd use a full stop, or at the least, a semi colon after "ill". I don't think a comma gives enough of a pause.

‘They took my Ma and the other bairns, they meant them

I think this needs a full stop after "bairns"

A wonderfully entertaining read as always. I'm really looking forward to the day (which I know will come) when I can pick up this book and read the whole thing cover to cover! Keep it coming.

Mand




SJ Williamson at 18:31 on 17 October 2009  Report this post
Hi Nicole!

I can't tell you how thrilled I am to have Chosen back again, and this was a very enjoyable read with my glass of wine. Just perfect entertainment. This story never fails to bring out every emotion in the reader, and I found myself crying out "Oh, Anver! Don't leave Hex behind. Would somebody help him sort out this pickle?"

Can I just ask you, when Hex has the blood on his hands, we aren't privy to much of his emotional state.

but Neve sprang up as she saw him crying, ‘Hex!’


I read this line, and wondered if he was crying, or calling/crying? I think it would be nice to have a little more of the shock and horror he would feel, even it if was later when he was talking to Anver? Perhaps you plan to cover his emotions in the next chapter after Anver has left him. Am I making sense?!

Anver and the other men – there were five of them, he now saw – returned to the clearing not long after


- please excuse my complete ignorance here (I've very little knowledge of technicalities), the little hypens here are something that I'm not sure about. Can you tell me what they mean in the structure of the sentence because I really don't know. Are they used a little like a comma. Sorry, I sound really dumb here, don't I?

I love Chosen, and I am so excited about what is to come.

SJxx


<Added>

Oh ... sorry! I added mine before reading Mand's where she mentioned the hyphens. I'd still be interested to know what they are meant for (obviously I know to connect two words, but I'm not sure as far as phrasing within a sentence).

fbtoast at 19:30 on 17 October 2009  Report this post
Hi Mand and SJ

Thank you very much for your helpful comments, I will incorporate the changes into the finished product. I'm a great fan of the dash - (!) I guess it's how I think. For me, it's a pause that's longer than a comma, but not as long as a semi-colon or as definitive as a bracket. Well, I'll see if I control myself with them!

They are going to find themselves on opposing sides, but only in the next book - it's going to be exceedingly tragic!

Nicole

Mand245 at 19:49 on 17 October 2009  Report this post
but only in the next book


Oh my goodness! How exciting, Nicole.

StephB at 13:31 on 20 October 2009  Report this post
Nicole,

This is a hell of a chapter; that opening had me holding my breath.

The imagery and emotion that you create is so strong here - there is a real sense of Hex and Anver both taking their seperate paths, and the tragedy that will come from that.

I'd like some indication of how the murder will affect Hex; though I couldn't imagine that appearing in this chapter, for fear of slowing it down - is that something that we'll learn in the future?

Beautifully written as always, Nicole.

Steph x

fbtoast at 22:07 on 20 October 2009  Report this post
Hi Steph

Thanks for reading!

Actually you're going to find out that this killing - which is indeed significant - doesn't affect him much at all. The thing about Hex is that, although he is very loyal to the people he loves, he is quite ruthless otherwise. You probably don't remember, but most of his friends actually ask him at one point or another whether it was in fact him who killed Inigo - they all see in him something that he doesn't know about himself, which is that he is someone who is capable of killing, where necessary.

Hope that doesn't put you off him!

Nicole

StephB at 08:43 on 21 October 2009  Report this post
Oooooh Nicole,

It doesn't put me off at all; what an interesting and layered character Hex is - its brave of you to create such an edgy character, who goes against what we might expect.

Really looking forward to reading on...

Steph x

The Bar Stward at 13:32 on 21 October 2009  Report this post
Just a quick comment before I dash back to work. I'm so glad that I've gotten back into everyones works. Choosen has such wonderfully crafted characters who exist to a world that is rich with history. The emotions are always so vivid that it allows us to be swept along. I really hope your planning to do something with this book once you are finished!

nezelette at 10:09 on 22 October 2009  Report this post
Hi Nicole,

Well, that's another great chapter, but a little sad. Anver seems so brave, so grown-up suddenly. In fact, he almost makes Hex look like more of a child, until Hez volunteers to go with him. I'm glad he does, as it puts him back on a par with Anver.

I loved the mother duck and her three young transformation.

I also loved the classic tale of a child forced to grow up in days because of grief and shock.

A couple of things:

He was still shedding feathers, he had transformed so fast.


I think I would stick to 'He had transformed so fast he was still shedding feathers', as I stumbled over this for some reason.

They were crouched in the undergrowth, but Neve sprang up as she saw him crying, ‘Hex!’


Is Neve crying? or Hex? I'm guessing it's Neve,in which case I would add a comma after him. If it's Hex who is crying, then something extra is needed before 'Hex!' to separate his crying from her calling him.

The parting of Hex and Anver makes it feel like we are getting towards the end. Is it the case? How many chapters are left? (I'm not bored of Chosen, on the contrary! Just curious)

Nancy

fbtoast at 22:39 on 22 October 2009  Report this post
Hi Nancy

There are 43 chapters, so we are just under 2/3rds of the way through - we're basically very close to the end of the 2nd act, in the classic 3-act structure.

You are right, I am missing a comma, I've corrected in the MS.

Nicole


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