THE SHAMBLES

The Major lived in a caravan
his Bottom not looking too happy 
His face, increasingly glum
temper more and more snappy.

The problem? - He had a chicken coop
no comfy abode to call home
So come the day rain came in
he decided to pick up the phone.

The builders Allcock and Bull
were never short of a story
Maybe some were true
but none had them covered in glory!

The duo were a lazy pair
nothing plainer to see
So the Major kept them on task
and never offered them tea.

 Major Payne was a frugal man
who kept a close eye on his lolly
Painfully reminded, every day
of the trauma he’d suffered with Wally.

The dye was cast, the chips were down
but anxiety soon diminished
When after nine months or so
Allcock and Bull said they’d  finished. 

Not every row of bricks was plumb
nor every window straight
but the roof was beautifully thatched
and his garden now had a gate

With electrics in and plumbing done
the Major could now bath
And tubby, Fireside, just arrived
curled up in front of the hearth.

So finally, yes finally,
Major Payne’s dream had come true
And everything about the place
really was brand spanking new.

Flowers were planted, lawns were laid
and past nightmares forgotten
For in all of Dimple, no-one had
a  more blooming and beautiful Bottom! 


ROOSTER’S FOLLY

Rooster’s Folly - a chicken coop
deserving of its name
The Major cried, “Monstrosity”
and Wally took the blame.

In truth, a stylish hen house
which cost the Major dear
Ruled now by Napoleon
a cock he came to fear.

Napoleon had few friends
his manner too abrupt
Fought battles with the Major
and war may well erupt.

One time - Major crossing yard
defended with his foot
Sent flying cock down chimney pot
dusted with the soot.

Tumbling out, the flustered bird
feathers not so gleaming
Terrified Marie Duval
who’d just finished the cleaning.

As black dust flew, out she fled
Napoleon giving chase
Out the door, down the path
as if it were a race.

The Major lost his temper
funny it was not
Vowed to catch the wretched bird
and put him in the pot.

In time, it had him smile
even chuckled at the thought
When counting out the money
from the eggs that people bought.

One day, Henrietta arrived
the prettiest little hen
Napoleon, keen to date her
question though, was when?

He bided time on charm offensive
worked to get much fitter
Then one night, to his delight
‘I love you’ - said her twitter.

Next day, strutting in the yard
star struck eyes on Hetty
He came across and sought advice
from mother hen, called Betty.

He popped the question, she said yes
Napoleon on cloud nine
Tied the knot, they were wed
and everything seemed fine.

Napoleon became a different bird
calmer, more polite
Still called the time at six O’clock
when darkness met first light

The Major now could cross the farm,
bad old days forgotten
No more fighting in the yard
or scars upon his bottom.

Alas, poor Hetty felt unwell
was altogether moody
Napoleon worried, till Betty said...

“She’s not ill just broody.
Give her time, she’ll come round
it’s not you she’s rejecting.
You should be proud
go tell the crowd, that Hetty is .... eggspecting!”