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Sea shanty

by nickb 

Posted: 24 September 2009
Word Count: 108


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Waves suck pebbles smooth,
sea glass gleams like wet wine gums
scoured on a gentle beach
buffed by sea weed rags.

Stand with me,
watch each lavish surge kink
and rattle the sandís song,
a shout of spray along the curl,
shells tumbled in the wash,
drowned wood, stripped like a corpse
landed far from home.

Hear our time being lashed
soft, hard, insistent,
mocked by laughing gulls
rippling on a stiff breeze,
sand kissing our boots
with dry ghost lips,
the flag staff lanyard
clacking like a cracked bell.

It is familiar, a song well sung
since we stood here last,
in love, in lust and young.






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Comments by other Members



Beanie Baby at 08:55 on 25 September 2009  Report this post
This is completely brilliant Mark. You are a master of descriptive writing! The only thing that felt slightly out of place to me was the reference to wine gums (although I can see the simile in appearance)but that does not detract from the fact that this is one of the most beautiful pieces about the sea (which is a personal friend of mine by the way, so much for being Cancerian)that i have ever read! Period.
Beanie

<Added>

Sorry - of course I meant Nick! No offence!

nickb at 14:01 on 25 September 2009  Report this post
Wow, thank you so much for the feedback Beanie, I really appreciate it. I see what you mean about the wine gum thing, it does stick out a bit.

My next challenge is to be able to write about people with soemthing like the same level of clarity....I suspect it may take a while!!

joanie at 21:16 on 25 September 2009  Report this post
Hi Nick. This is very odd; the phrase which really stood out for me was the wine gum one!! I can understand that it might be seen as a bit incongruous, but I loved it! I love the whole thing; it's excellent.

I like the title too.

joanie

V`yonne at 23:59 on 25 September 2009  Report this post
Oh very good! Sending it anywhere?

nickb at 10:51 on 28 September 2009  Report this post
Hi Oonah, hadn't made any plans to but happy to send it to EDP if you think it is up to scratch. N

V`yonne at 22:39 on 28 September 2009  Report this post
Well Constance and the team will soon tell you


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