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Short Timer

by M. Close 

Posted: 18 September 2009
Word Count: 437
Summary: For Findy's Challenge


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"Dude!.....Hey man, wake up!"
"Huh? Wha?" Bleary eyed, MacGregor looked around for the voice responsible for the interruption of a wonderfully delightful dream.
"Dude, I am soooo bored. Just sitting here gets to be so monotonous," Wilson said.
"You woke me just to tell me you're bored?" Wilson's friend asked. "Let me sleep man, I'm feeling a bit deflated and just need to rest."
"Well, at least you got to play yesterday. I just sat around and watched the football game from the sidelines," complained Wilson.
"Maybe it's your attitude," mumbled MacGregor, "Now let me sleep."
"Maybe it's your attitude," Wilson repeated in a most uncomplimentary fashion, "What's wrong with my attitude, Mate?"
MacGregor looked at Wilson and sighed deeply, "I'm not getting back to sleep am I? And it was such a nice dream too."
"Sorry man, I just feel like nobody wants me on the team anymore."
"Well," said MacGregor, "You do look a bit worn out, like you've been kicked around and knocked about by life. In fact, you are looking a bit the worse for wear, my friend, almost like you're coming apart at the seams," MacGregor said with a bit of concern in his voice, "Are you feeling OK?"
"I feel great!" exclaimed Wilson, trying to look all pumped up. "I just need another chance to prove myself to the team. I know I can score if they just give me another chance. I'm not too old or worn out for this game. I still have plenty of life left in me.I feel like I was made to play football!" He said, trying to sound more confident then he really felt. He knew his time on the team was short. He knew his best days were behind him. But he was still in fine shape, he thought. He was not ready to quit yet.
MacGregor tried to stay positive, "They still use you during practice right?"
"Yeah, but I think this will be my last season," said Wilson sadly. "Soul searching is tough, when you finally come down to it, you know? I have been sitting here thinking for a while, feeling sorry for myself. That's why I woke you. I just wanted to talk I guess. I thought maybe you could cheer me up. Sorry Mate, I should have let you sleep........MacGregor?"
MacGregor looked at Wilson, feeling sorry for him and wondering how he would feel when it was his turn to quit the game he loved, the game he felt that he too, was made to play. "Yeah?"
"Do you think us Soccer Balls go to heaven when we die?"






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Comments by other Members



Prospero at 19:12 on 18 September 2009  Report this post
HI Mike

Welcome to the group.

A well written story with a nice twist at the end which you foreshadowed very cleverly.

A couple of typos: 'uncomplimentary' and 'McGregor as Mc Greggor'

Best

Prosp

M. Close at 19:33 on 18 September 2009  Report this post
Thanks for the quick read and comments prosp. Typos corrected.....I hope

Mike

tusker at 08:32 on 19 September 2009  Report this post
Hi Mike,

Welcome. Props has pointed out the typo nits so I won't repeat him.

Enjoyed this. You caught me out at the end. Clever twist.

Jennifer

Findy at 18:01 on 20 September 2009  Report this post
Hi Mike

Nice twist, never saw it coming, though on second read there are clues out there for the careful reader.

A couple of nits -

Mumbled MacGregor

Said MacGregor


lower case for mumbled and said.

MacGregor tried to stay positive, "They still use you during practice right?" He asked.


Don't think the 'He asked' is necessary there.

Enjoyed the story, good response.

findy

FelixBenson at 18:48 on 20 September 2009  Report this post
Hi Mike
I loved that twist too - and the story is well written with not a word wasted.
Thanks for the read.
Well done!

Kirsty

LMJT at 10:26 on 24 September 2009  Report this post
Hi Mike,

Sorry I'm late reading this.

Like the others, I thought this was a fun story. The twist was well done.

Re-reading, I laugehd at the 'feeling a bit deflated' line at the start.

Welcome to the group.

Liam


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