Login   Sign Up 



 

Chosen - Chapter 24

by fbtoast 

Posted: 14 September 2009
Word Count: 1784
Summary: tell me, can you tell from this chapter how it was that Corny was able to meet him at the gate, or do I need to spell it out more explicitly?


Font Size
 


Printable Version
Print Double spaced


The bulk of his own body effectively blocked any light coming from the open door behind him. Snuffling the cold mustiness of the air in the tunnel, with his neck and back aching from his stooped posture, he heard the door close faintly behind him. It was not appreciably darker as a result. The only relief was that, after a few yards, during which he could feel the floor of the tunnel sloping gently downwards while the top of the tunnel stayed level, he could straighten up. He stepped forward cautiously, one arm in front of him, the other groping first one wall, then the other wall, on either side. He was terrified that he would miss a gap in the wall that might take him to the quickest way out of the terrible dark.

Once the tunnel had heightened enough for him to walk upright, the whole passageway started to slope upwards gently until he reckoned himself to be about twenty feet above street level. He could see that the passage in front of him was pierced with thin horizontal shafts of light at irregular intervals. When he came abreast of the first one he placed his eye to the hole in the wall – on the other side, instead of the open street, there was a handsome room, panelled in oak. He could only see a narrow slice of the room, enough to see a huge polished table, some dark portraits on the wall opposite, tall windows on either side. There was no-one in the room as far as he could tell. He could hear a clock ticking. He went on for a while, looking through each peephole as he came to it, but it was always the same, cool empty rooms, grandly furnished, and no way of getting through to them from the passage that he was in.

Quite quickly however, the floor beneath his feet turned into a series of steps that led him back down to street level and beyond. The glimmer of light from the peepholes had soon completely vanished and he was back in the annihilating darkness. The same horrid fear surged back to take hold of him. To make matters worse, the tunnel had developed an echo, so that sometimes it sounded as though something was following after him in the dark. His footfalls seemed to be dogged by a second step fractionally later, which could never be detected if he stopped to listen, so convinced was he that he was being pursued by a nameless something out in the haunted dark.

He had never been claustrophobic, but now as he stumbled along, he began to feel breathless, as though the beating of his own heart was threatening to suffocate him. Each pulse seemed to rise up in his throat like a giant fist. He had to stop at one point and lean up against the wall, closing his eyes, so that he could fool himself that, when he opened them, it would be less dark. Where was he going? Had the Councillor sent him in here to die, just to get rid of him? He forced himself to remain rational. Nothing has changed, he told himself. He is a good man. You trusted him before. You can trust him now. If he wanted to destroy you, he only had to alert Oswestry.

He took a deep breath and opened his eyes to the dark. And it was less dark. He strained his eyes forward. Somewhere in the distance, surely, surely, there was something – was it only his imagination? Just lights dancing in front of his eyes? Taking heart, he went on more boldly and soon there could no longer be any doubt, there was a light, faint, small, but steady. He hurried on and soon the light was strong enough for him to see that he was in a narrow tunnel that lay below the level of the street. The air was now damp and pungent, the walls of the tunnel slimy and the floor slippery beneath his feet. Along the right side of the tunnel, a channel ran parallel to it, along which water trickled in a noisome stream that glistened purple and chartreuse in the pale light that filtered through the iron grilles set high up in the roof of the tunnel. At intervals there were iron ladders stapled to the tunnel walls, which gave access to the grilles.

The relief at being connected to the world again, through those fine slices of light and the sounds of the street that filtered down from above, was so great that Hex was almost tempted to shout out loud. He still had no idea where he was, but at least now he knew which way was out. He wondered how far he was supposed to go. He thought he must continue going down, since the city was built on a hill, until he could go no further, then find some way to get out of the sewer. The only thing he knew with absolute certainty was that he was not leaving those iron grilles. If there was any possibility that the tunnel was going to plunge off into the dark again, he would take the first ladder up to street level, even if it let him out in the middle of Constitution Square.

He lost track of how long he went on, always picking the downward slope whenever the tunnel divided. The light filtering down from the street above was getting dimmer as evening drew near. He was beginning to think that he should just climb up to street level, no matter where he was, and make his way to the gates above ground, when, coming round a gentle bend, he found his way blocked by a brick wall. He could go no further and to his right, although the waters still ran in their channel, an iron grille barred the way for anything more solid. Hex peered through the grille but could see only darkness and hear only the endless gurgling of the stream. Here, he guessed, was the city wall, and the way was closed, both for intruders from without the gates, or for any fugitive from the city. Retracing his steps, grateful to be able to escape the sewers, he found the base of the nearest set of ladders, and started to scale them.

When he got to the top, he listened to ascertain if anyone was around who might witness his sudden appearance from below ground. Satisfied, he gently pushed the grille to one side and cautiously poked his head above the cobbles of the street. He was in a narrow alley, with high blank walls on either side. At the end of the street he could see another broader thoroughfare, still thronged with passersby and carriages. Pulling himself up, he fitted the grille back in place and, with another cautious look around, sauntered down the alley and joined the jostling crowd. A long slow bell was tolling from a tower nearby. It was the signal for the last gate. Hex followed the direction of the sound and had nearly reached the gate when a hand on his sleeve arrested him.

Hex wrenched himself free, spinning round, then stopped short. ‘Cornelia!’ he exclaimed, half-exasperated, half-relieved. He pulled her out of the hurrying stream of people, behind the booth of a chestnut seller.
‘What in the name of all the gods are you doing here?’

Cornelia was bobbing up and down with nervous excitement. ‘I followed you,’ she said, her voice urgent but low. ‘I’m sorry, I know you told me to stay at Ashurst, but I was afraid. I wanted to know – and it’s just as well I did, or you’d have gone, without saying a word. I couldn’t let you go just like that. What if I need to get in touch with you? What if Anver turns up?’

‘I can’t tell you,’ said Hex gently. ‘I don’t know myself.’ Which was almost true, for it was only at this moment that he had quite made up his mind. ‘Councillor Wallop said I had to go and not tell anyone. They’re after me, Corny, and nothing can protect me if they find me.’

‘He didn’t mean me!’ protested Corny. ‘He didn’t mean Anver and me. You’ve known me all my life. I’d trust you with my life, Hex. I have trusted you with it. Wouldn’t you do the same for me?’

‘Corny, don’t say that to me. It isn’t fair. I’ve got to go. They’re shutting the gates.’

He started to make his way back through the crowds. Corny caught up with him and grabbed hold of his hand. It reminded him of past summers, when he could never escape Weal without Corny tumbling after him and Anver, demanding to be allowed to come too.

‘It’s Hammar, isn’t it?’ Cornelia blurted out. ‘You’re going to Hammar. That’s why you’re at the Keepgate. I’m right, aren’t I?’

It was uncanny. Could she read his mind? He hadn’t known himself till a minute ago where he purposed to run. He hadn’t headed deliberately for the Keepgate, which was the gate for the main road north. He hadn’t even known this was the Keepgate. He hesitated and Corny looked triumphant.

‘Look,’ Hex said, not admitting anything, ‘just stick with the Wallops, alright? They’ll look after you. And don’t worry about the Dame and your father. I haven’t forgotten. I won’t leave you to their tender mercies. I just need to sort this mess out first.’

The last peals of the closing bell were already sounding from the tower. Cornelia darted forward and, throwing her arms around his neck, kissed him on the cheek. She had to stand on her toes to do so. ‘Look after yourself, Hex,’ she cried out. ‘I’ll see you soon, alright?’ She said it, as if she were reassuring herself.

‘Of course,’ said Hex firmly. ‘Get back to Ashurst as quickly as you can, won’t you? I don’t like you being out here by yourself.’

They were sliding the gates shut. There was no time to say anything more. Hex sprinted for the gate – he was the last one through before it shut. When he looked back, he caught a glimpse of the blue of Corny’s dress through a crack in the gate, then the great doors slammed to. He was outside Norton. He turned to face the grey twilight road. The sun was sinking fast on his left hand and the lights of other travelers were bobbing in the distance on the great road north. Wrapping his cloak tighter around him, Hex started after them.






Favourite this work Favourite This Author


Comments by other Members



M. Close at 07:34 on 15 September 2009  Report this post
Hi Nicole,
Interesting chapter. I liked the picture you painted of the MC's plight and desperation at being in the tunnel.
To answer your question, for Corny to say she followed him, with the assumption being her's were the echoed footfalls in the tunnel terrifying him, and he ignores that and moves on in the conversation seems odd to me. As I read that I thought he should ask for clarification, * "You followed me? In the sewer? That was you I heard behind me?" he asked incredulously. *
Something like that.

Reading just this bit makes me wonder what came before and what's next!
Nice work.

Mike



SJ Williamson at 08:26 on 15 September 2009  Report this post
Oh Nicole!

It is so lovely to read Chosen. You really have written this anxious chapter beautifully too. I love it! I'm thrilled that Corny got to see Hex before he went on and I'm relieved they ended without too much of an argument. Hex has such a burden on his shoulders, that I'm glad Corny could be grown up enough not to have a go at him too much!

annihilating


- now, you know I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer, and I'm so sorry but I had to look this word up! Will young people know it? My Hubby seems to think it's good to keep words like this in so that they will look them up and learn something, but I wonder if most young people would bother. Wouldn't they just read on? Just a funny little point!

He took a deep breath and opened his eyes to the dark. And it was less dark.


- a couple of "darks" close together here. Could you say something like "It was as he predicted, and appeared a little lighter"?

The relief at being connected to the world again, through those fine slices of light and the sounds of the street that filtered down from above, was so great that Hex was almost tempted to shout out loud.


- lovely lovely lovely!

He hadn’t known himself till a minute ago where he purposed to run.


- not sure why I stumbled over this sentence ... is there a little glitch or is it my understanding of it?

caught a glimpse of the blue of Corny’s dress through a crack in the gate,


- this certainly isn't a criticism, just a funny little thing that made me do a double read! I would never have put Corny in a dress!! I thought she was a long suffering tomboy!! How funny.


Nicole, I so love this story. I'm really excited about what happens next. I've asked my best friend about my God-daughter reading it, and she's very excited about it. As and when you are ready, you would be more than welcome to send it to her via email or however you wanted to do it.

SJxx


<Added>

I've just read through Steph's comment and realised you asked about Corny. I read through the chapter knowing she was following too, so I guess I can't really help ... sorry!

StephB at 16:49 on 15 September 2009  Report this post
Hi Nicole,

I'm thrilled that Corny got to say goodbye to Hex.

The imagery in the tunnel is fabulous; it was a very claustrophobic experience; those little slithers of light were such a relief.

Your question about Corny; I got that she followed Hex but did wonder as it got lighter in the tunnel, why didn't he notice her. I wondered if she would have been strong enough to lift the grille herself and I wondered if she could have done it quickly enough to be out in time to follow Hex to the gate, rather than losing him in the crowd by the time she was up. Its hard to know whether I'm pondering this because I was reading it with your question in mind though - would these things have struck me without your question? I'm not sure...

I did wonder at the end, what Hex was thinking as he caught the last glimpse of Corny; it might be nice for you to give us a little insight - I'm a sucker for character led stories though and always find myself thinking "I wonder what so and so would have been thinking...", so it could just be me?!

I adore Chosen, Nicole - I love the escapism, its like another world to disappear into !

Steph x

fbtoast at 05:41 on 17 September 2009  Report this post
Hi SJ

The vocabulary is a constant theme amongst the critics of this book! I actually asked the children's book specialist at the conference I went to at the weekend and she said it was fine, as in any case teenagers often read adult books, so don't have problems with more sophisticated vocabulary and syntax - which is a relief. I must say that when I was a child it never bothered me if I came across words I didn't understand. I didn't bother to look them up. Normally you can tell from the context roughly what it means. In fact, it is from reading that I have found out what most of the words that I know mean and when you use them. I have used a dictionary to look up the meaning of a word probably literally about 10 times in my entire life!

I'll take a look at the other stuff you mention. Interesting that Corny's dress gave you a jolt. I think I kind of like that jolt, because Corny is someone who doesn't fit in - she is constantly being shoe-horned by her position into being someone that she's not - like being forced to go to finishing school so that she can fulfil her destiny of marrying some rich nobleman, or wearing a dress in town even if she is more comfortable in trousers, because that's what a nicely brought up girl does in town.

Nicole

fbtoast at 05:50 on 17 September 2009  Report this post
Hi Steph

Thanks for your comment. I think I do need to make the whole Corny following him through the tunnel thing more explicit. Or alternatively change it so that it is genuinely that Torrens told her where Hex would be. It just seems to be confusing people.

I'm glad you're enjoying Chosen. Although I hate calling it "young adult fantasy" because it makes it sound so stupid, one of the ways in which it is genuinely fantasy is not because it is filled with talking animals and bare-breasted sorcerer witches, but because it is essentially a fairytale, with a prince and a princess and a castle and a wicked stepmother and a kindly old man and a quest etc - pure escapism!

Nicole

SJ Williamson at 09:10 on 17 September 2009  Report this post
Hi Nicole!

You're spot on with this comment, I so agree.

Normally you can tell from the context roughly what it means. In fact, it is from reading that I have found out what most of the words that I know mean and when you use them.


I'm thrilled the writing conference was positive about this subject. That's excellent. I am absolutely certain that people of every age will love this story, not just young adults.

Isn't it funny about the pictures we have of the characters. Poor Corny ... she sounds like me ... I hate wearing dresses and having to be ladylike too!

SJxx

fbtoast at 04:18 on 18 September 2009  Report this post
now I come to think of it - where did she even get the dress from? she must have brought it with her. She's obviously a very good packer!

Nicole

Mand245 at 05:18 on 18 September 2009  Report this post
How good to see a new chapter of Chosen - I've been missing Hex and his friends. I think maybe you do need to be a little more explicit about how Corny follows him - even if she were just to comment how scared she'd been in the dark, and maybe Hex could be a little cross, saying the sounds of her following him scared him half to death!

I was also a little surprised that Hex didn't even give Corny a passing, guilty thought until she actually appeared. I would have thought, given his character, he would feel, if not display, a little remorse for not thinking of her at all.

Those small issues aside, I thought this was another wonderful chapter. The descriptions of him stumbling along in the darkness, the glimpses into the rooms, superb!

I only found 2 very small things to note:

He had never been claustrophobic, but now as he stumbled along, he began to feel breathless,

I wonder if the comma should perhaps be after "now" rather than after "claustrphobic"

Taking heart, he went on more boldly and soon there could no longer be any doubt, there was a light, faint, small, but steady.

I would split this sentence with a full stop or, at the least, a semi colon after "doubt"

Confession time - I would not have noticed the "dress" as being unusual or out of character, but now it's been mentioned...

Chosen is a real treat, Nicole. It's always a genuine pleasure to read - I really think you write beautifully.

Mand

nezelette at 21:18 on 21 September 2009  Report this post
Hi Nicole,

I loved the goodbye scene, so much tension there! I really wonder what girl Hex will end up with. This really keeps me going! Amongst all the rest, of course!

I did get quite confused by Corny's sudden arrival: I was really wondering what the hell she was doing there, which, I know, is kind of the point, but I almost felt that a paragraph was missing somewhere. I also didn't get that Hex was outside. He seemed to jump out of the tunnel suddenly.

'travelers' is the american spelling, I believe. I would use 'travellers'

Great stuff, Nicole. Brilliant pace and Hex is so lovable: every teenage girl in town will develop a massive crush on him ;

Nancy x


To post comments you need to become a member. If you are already a member, please log in .