“Deliver me…”

The conference room,
Late July, 2008..

Los Angeles,

Can I tell her?
Just say those words and I hope that I don’t get this wrong.
I can’t have that happen again.
I feel so tired and all I’ve done is fought and scratch my way along and it hasn’t helped. I see her and I need her.
Yeah, I need her.
Have I wasted these two years and she’s been here all along?
Is it possible that I’ve just seen it, I’ve seen her?
Something I wanted and that’s gone so wrong and I’m clutching at straws, because of the way I feel about Wendy?
The friendship, no, our friendship and for me, it’s more than that. Is this the wrong place to tell her?
When will it be the right place or the right time?
Miranda, this isn’t like you. This isn’t how you are. I have to stop this, I have to turn this around and I’m scared that this will come out so wrong and she’ll leave.
I have to say I love you.
That’s the truth, right there. I do love her and I just don’t want to sound stupid or make her run off.
There’s always been something between us, hasn’t there? Am I wrong about that?
Because I was with Liz and I didn’t want to ruin anything, I stayed with Liz and well, look where that’s brought me.
I’m here, in this room and I feel like I’m tearing myself apart because I love Wendy.
She’s not like me, she’s so special, so warm and caring and I feel that, like I can touch it and all I have to do is tell her.
Maybe if I don’t tell her, she’ll know anyway, if I keep my mouth shut and just keep going and yeah, it will all magically sort itself out and I’ll lose her.
If I lose her, then what do I do?
I tell her and she laughs and runs off.
I tell her and she starts screaming.
What I shouldn’t do is crush the life out of it, I have to be so careful, I don’t want to hurt her, I don’t want to scare her either.
I have to look at her and say, I love you.
Then I’ll hold on and hope and dream and perhaps, she’ll hold my hand and I can love her. Not waste it, not let it slip by, because all that will do is hurt and I can’t go there again…

The door softly closes and Wendy is standing there. Miranda wipes her eyes and a look from her, what’s wrong?
Why are you crying?
Miranda closes her eyes and does cry, she does let go and feeling Wendy’s arms around her and it’s just this.
Wendy’s soft whisper, “Hey…it’s okay, I’m here now…”
Miranda trembles and Wendy doesn’t let go, she’ll hold her and a gentle rocking begins, just a small, soft movement and Miranda calms and lets herself be held by her. Miranda’s arms move around Wendy, slowly circling her and a light touch on her back.
This is what she needs, to have someone hold her and it feels so much better. To have Wendy’s arms around her and just stay with her.