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Goshawk

by Bishti 

Posted: 13 September 2009
Word Count: 70
Summary: poem


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Faster than thought,
His retracting pupil checks, stirs,
The yellow eye sees, movement, caught.

Folds wings fleeting, speeds between trees,
glides, with the grace of a dancer
in a silent world.

Unqualified precision, cold.
The beauty of hunger, propelled
sleekly, through a funnel of air
brushed by light feather sweeping down,
down to the ground.

Into the chasm, small and grey
Mouse, taken, shaken and consumed,
Warm blood, now prey.







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Comments by other Members



V`yonne at 15:42 on 13 September 2009  Report this post
Wonderful. The only bit that didn't work for me was
with the grace of a dancer
in a silent world.

and that was because it seemed facile compared to
The beauty of hunger, propelled
sleekly, through a funnel of air

which says almost the same thing.

If you can revise that bit do.

glides with silent grace

would do...even but just something...perhaps less is more...

I see that that would interrrupt the stucture you have here - not sure if the is a specific form... but I know you can work it out and then you could send it...

leggestesa at 18:42 on 22 September 2009  Report this post
Cruel beauty captured in speed. I suggest: a retracting pupil and dancer's grace / in silence. / simply cold precision and
through funnelled air brushed/by light feather sweeping down/ omit down to the ground.

Only suggestions coming from the way I read it. Great subject.


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