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Butterflies and Beetles
Posted: 11 September 2009 Word Count: 299 Summary: for Laurence's Challenge
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Out of the corner of my eye dribbled a rather odd assortment of brightly colored shapes. I stood clutching the dirty gray sink that was once white, and peered at my reflection in the spattered mirror. I leaned closer to get a better look at what was trickling down my face. I sure wasn’t much to look at, with hair that looked a guinea pig stuck in an electrical socket, unshaven, whiskers and skinny? Geeze was I skinny, standing there in a tattered tee shirt with great wet spots under my arms. It seemed I was seeing in black and white, and the dribbling trail, bright and cheery colors. But maybe it was just the drab colors in the small, filthy wash room and my pasty complexion set off by the rivulet of bright colors on my cheek. As I watched, the brightly colored shapes ran down my cheek, around my mouth and through my short whiskers and as a drop of color was about to drip off my chin, it would turn into an iridescent butterfly glittering brightly and casting off rainbows. Or the drop would fall into the grey sink and splatter, but then would gather itself up into a brightly colored beetle and scurry around the sink before slipping out of sight down the drain. Soon, I had metallic butterflies flitting around glittering their bright rainbow colors, and in the sink, I had the Grand Prix of beetle races with multicolored beetles scurrying round and round the sink, each one trying to be the first to commit suicide down the drain. I bet on the green and yellow one……. I shake my head. That is the last time I listen to a stranger tell me to ‘take one of these buddy, it’ll fix you right up’.
Comments by other Members
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Findy at 15:29 on 11 September 2009
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Hi Mike
Loved the descriptions, really liked -
I had the Grand Prix of beetle races with multicolored beetles scurrying round and round the sink, each one trying to be the first to commit suicide down the drain. I bet on the green and yellow one……. |
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Enjoyed very much!
findy
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jenzarina at 16:19 on 11 September 2009
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Hi Mike, glad you got your piece uploaded in the end! If you do a link from the Challenge thread it can help everyone find it.
Loved the descriptions and the details.
My favourite line:
I bet on the green and yellow one……. |
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Really shows the MC's frame of mind.
One thing, should the last line be in the present tense? Seems a bit out of kilter with the rest of it.
I could really see this as part of a bigger whole, though. In my mind this all takes place at a rest stop during a three-day bus journey, possibly through Mexico.
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Prospero at 08:10 on 13 September 2009
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Hi Mike,
it is interesting that both you and Jen should have beetles coming out of your tear ducts, but that is the way it happens some times with Flash. A Salvador Dali surreality about this, especially the irridescent colours against the black and white. I'm with Jen, you are tripping in Mexico
Good stuff
Best
Prosp
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tusker at 11:06 on 13 September 2009
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Great description of a trip, Mike.
I'll keep to paracetamols.
Jennifer
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Laurence at 11:51 on 13 September 2009
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Very vivid piece of writing. Thought the images were great.
Laurence
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