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Miranda and Wendy P2

by jim60 

Posted: 29 July 2009
Word Count: 437
Summary: The first piece concerning Miranda's mother. There is more than this, but I really did not like this woman!

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Content Warning
This piece and/or subsequent comments may contain strong language.

Oh it just gets worse...

Miranda's homicidal, criminally insane, alcoholic, schizophrenic and thoroughy unlikeable Mother is in town.
Two days after her thoroughly fantastic trip to Paris with Wendy and she gets a note from that thundering fucking bitch of a Mother.
Remember! Don't you fucking dare call her 'Mom'. Just another excuse to add to her list of why she hates you.
Miranda's mother is not thought of and sure as shit isn't spoken of.
Not by Miranda, not by Wendy and absolutely not by Henry. If jackie is any different, then she's never said. She probably stays being 'nice'.
Oh fuck! Miranda thought.
"Is that good news?" Wendy asked.
Miranda smiled, "Yeah, we're about to get nuked, so nothing to worry about."
Wendy looked over at her, "Oh, so it's your mother then?"
"Yeah and she ain't fucking coming here!"
Wendy put the paper down, "What does she want?"
"Me on a roasting spit. No, actually, she wants us to do lunch."
"Me and you?" Wendy asked.
"No, oh no, she's not getting her teeth into you. Just me."
Wendy sighed. A close call.
"Do you think it's anything important?" Wendy asked.
"Hopefully she's got rabies and I'll have to kill her." Miranda said.
"You got any silver bullets?"
Miranda laughed. Silver bullets? I'd need holy water, a crucifix or ten, a machine gun and a pair of running shoes.
"She wants me to call her."
"Okay, but don't do that from here, the neighbours will complain." Wendy said and went back to her paper.
Miranda picked up the phone and called Henry.

Kathryn Mary Jefferson. When god made her, he did that with more than his tongue pressed against his cheek.
How could a thing like this still draw breath and slip through life doing what it does?
You need a reason for a pre-emptive strike? There she is, take your shot and please, don't fuck it up!
Henry didn't say much. That silence follwed by his "Oh fuck me!" is more than enough reason for Henry to pay a sudden trip to the bathroom.
Miranda had all sorts of shit coming her way and all from her mother.
She did have a strong urge to call Jackie. She'd be about as much use as tits on a bull, so she didn't bother.
Miranda dropped her mother's poison note on her writing desk and quickly walked away, in case the damned thing would explode.
She slipped her arms around Wendy and kissed her neck.
"Do you want something?" She softly asked.
"Yeah, you."
Wendy smiled at her, "That's nice!" And dropped the paper.

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Comments by other Members

SJ Williamson at 20:15 on 29 July 2009  Report this post
Good stuff Jim!

The mother from hell ... great character. I can't comment on technicalities, but I do enjoy your pieces about Miranda & Wendy.


StephB at 09:15 on 30 July 2009  Report this post
As hateful as the mother sounds Jim, I can't wait to 'meet' her! You've painted quite a picture of her; will she play a big part in the rest of the story? Its great to have a character that we can love to hate...

Steph x

Mand245 at 07:59 on 31 July 2009  Report this post
I loved this Jim. You paint such a wonderful picture of the "mother-from-hell" - terrific!

You need a reason for a pre-emptive strike? There she is, take your shot and please, don't fuck it up!

That's a really great line.

Overall I thought this was a really entertaining piece and I enjoy your style. There were one or two places where the use of tense was inconsistant which, for me, detracted slightly from the readability, however, you haven't specified what sort of comments you want on this so I'll just leave it at that.

I would like to see you post longer extracts from this story - any chance?


jim60 at 09:20 on 31 July 2009  Report this post
HI Mand, good morning folks.

Mand, would you be so kind and let me know where the tenses slip?

I'll be loading the next piece to this tomorrow and hopefully, it should be a longer one.

Mand245 at 09:35 on 31 July 2009  Report this post
Hi Jim

You start off in the present tense (and I think previous extracts from this story have been in the present tense). The first 5 lines are all in the present and then, line 6 onwards is in the past tense.

You then keep to the past tense until the last paragraph. Lines 2 and 3 of this paragraph are present tense. Line 4 starts in the past tense with "Henry didn't say much." and then becomes present tense with, "... is more than enough reason for Henry to pay a sudden trip to the bathroom."

I hope that's helpful.


freynolds at 10:08 on 31 July 2009  Report this post
Hi Jim,

Other than the tenses, mentioned above, this reads like a fast-paced, modern story. Have you thought perhaps of keeping it all in the present tense? Not always easy to do, but I think it would give a very of-the-minute tint to further enhance your style.

I could not remember Jackie, was she mentioned before and I forgot?


jim60 at 19:52 on 31 July 2009  Report this post
Hi Mand and Fabienne,

Mand, thanks for that prod, I can have a look at that properly on Sunday.
Fabienne, Jackie will make her 'Blunt' debut fairly shortly, that's if I get to it!
I do need help with this tense thing, I kind of get it a bit crossed up, even though I do read out loud, maybe, don't know, a bit lost now!

nezelette at 20:46 on 03 August 2009  Report this post
Hi Jim

Unfortunately I missed the first installment, I don't know how that happened. It's very fast paced and i tend to like stories that are! As Fabienne said, it's very modern, and your writing is unmistakebly manly!

I was a little confused by all the characters, wondering where they were coming from and who they were, but I guess that serves me right for missing the first bit.

Enjoyable stuff!


fbtoast at 22:46 on 03 August 2009  Report this post
Hi Jim

So I'm not clear - do you like this woman or not? Ha ha. Seriously, it's a great piece of concentrated bile, lots of fun to read and I guess also to write! But I must say at the end of it, I wasn't sure what was so loathsome about the woman - one sort of learns more about Miranda from it than one does about her mother. Maybe more will be revealed when she actually turns up. Will she live up to her billing?


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