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Gathering

by tusker 

Posted: 29 July 2009
Word Count: 512
Summary: For Findy's challenge


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Like a kleptomaniac, Hattie sought trinkets and raided skips. On Sundays, she searched land fill sites. Her home, at the bottom of Piper’s Road, groaned under the weight of her obsessive collecting. From the outside her windows, like a blind man’s eyes, were covered with thick, mouldering curtains drawn shut both day and night.

Forty years ago, Hattie’s late mother made those curtains when Hattie announced her engagement to Derek Wilson. Derek fled on the eve of their wedding and Hattie remained with her mother, taking care of her until she died.

Since her mother’s death, Hattie left her home around eight thirty every morning. Pulling her shopping trolley behind her, she headed for the nearby town where she rummaged inside litter bins. In the park, she snatched bread from feral pigeons. Behind Stella’s Tea Rooms, she ate stale cakes that had been thrown into black plastic nags.

Some evenings, she dined off half-eaten burgers found outside fast food outlets. During autumn, she raided Farmer Jones's orchard, and strolled down lanes, picking blackberries. Then she trundled her harvest home in a wheel barrow to be deep frozen in a freezer, once left out as refuse by a neighbour at number 10.

Adept at repairing abandoned electrical goods, Hattie stacked them in her downstairs rooms. Upstairs she piled her collection of magazines, books and jigsaws along walls. On the kitchen table, amongst the debris of unwashed dishes, she kept a computer she’d found in the back of a van at the rear of PC Repairs.

At the time, having little knowledge of this new technology, Hattie shoplifted How To manuals from W.H. Smith’s stores. She attended free evening classes that taught Computer For Beginners, unaware that her offensive body odour had cut the original class of twenty down to one.

Six months ago, a council official called on Hattie, but received no answer. A few days later, he went back after receiving more protests from neighbours regarding a stench permeating from Hattie’s home. He returned and, appalled at the sight of a million flies bouncing brown splatters against Hattie’s windows, made an urgent call to the police.

Half-an-hour later, the official and a policeman broke into her home. Overwhelmed by a smothering reek, they struggled past electrical goods. On entering the kitchen, they discovered Hattie’s decomposing body slumped over a table. On the floor, the body of a man clung to an upturned Zimmer frame with skeletal hands.

Then the policeman pointed to a bread knife protruding between two of man’s exposed ribs. ‘Murder,’ they both whispered in unison. The policeman phoned for homicide.

Glancing away from the terrible scene, the council official flinched at the sight of a Hattie’s head crawling with maggots. To distract himself, he let his gaze fall upon the old computer that seemed to be still switched on.

Alongside the computer, lay a well-thumbed manual. Next to the computer sat an old squat printer, its little red light blinking.

Jutting out from the printer he saw a printout and, putting on his reading glasses, saw the words, www.oldloversunited.com.















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Comments by other Members



V`yonne at 15:46 on 29 July 2009  Report this post
typo plastic nags I liked it though I wasn't sure there was any connection between kleptomania and the murder scene really. I think you may have two stories here masquerading as one but the horrid descriptions were spot on and love the
bread knife protruding between two of man’s exposed ribs
a nice detail.

tusker at 16:29 on 29 July 2009  Report this post
Thanks for your comments Oonah.

Hattie gathered things. Pinched things. Mended things. Learning to use a computer that she nicked got her to find Derek whom she disposed of for making her whole life a misery.

Of course, she's mad, very intelligent and extremely unhygenic.

Jennifer

Bunbry at 16:34 on 29 July 2009  Report this post
Hi Jennifer, another dark tale from your goulish pen! Nice work. I think I spotted a couple of commas missing, but apart from that my only suggestion would be to cut

read the words, Lovers At Last United; a web site well advertised nationwide on all TV channels.


And replace with "saw www.loversunited.com" [or similar]

Nick



tusker at 17:55 on 29 July 2009  Report this post
Thanks Nick.

I'm usually a comma freak, like breath in, comma, breath out, comma. I've tried to hold my breath.

Yes, I realise what you say at the bottom. Will change it.

Jennifer

V`yonne at 20:40 on 29 July 2009  Report this post
Right! Not on top form today Jennifer reading difficulties!

Jordan789 at 05:50 on 30 July 2009  Report this post
This all seemed rather abrubt, and like Oonah I saw two stories. The conclusion would have us think the story is about her ex-fiance (who only had one line of mention) but the majority of the story is about her collection.

She can be both, absolutely, but because there is so much "collection" stuff in the story, it's hard to get a true feel for the character. I say keep some of the collection details, but tone them down and try to develop the plot of the story. What if we see the action of her contacting him? Or her contacting him? I wonder what he has been up to for the last forty years, since we know what she has been doing. How does their initial reacquantaince go? It might make an interesting scene.


Quite a cuckoo you've got growing here (along with all of the mold).

Jordan

Findy at 07:09 on 30 July 2009  Report this post
Enjoyed the story very much.

Maybe you can have her thinking about her ex and then checking the site, to give the reader some clues about her thoughts.

As usual a visual tale from you Jennifer, your horror muse is back in form after a short rest

findy




tusker at 09:45 on 30 July 2009  Report this post
Thanks Jordan. I can see both you and Oonah's points.

I suppose it was just a writing character exercise. Will look at it again when it's mouldered in the file for a bit.

Jennifer

tusker at 09:48 on 30 July 2009  Report this post
Thanks Findy.

As I've said to Jordan and OOnah, it's a character exercise without me realising it until now.

I suppose I was making the observations like a neighbour watching this weird woman through net curtains, and reporting the events second hand.

I'll put it away for a while to simmer.

Jennifer

crowspark at 22:11 on 01 August 2009  Report this post
Lovely dark tale, Jennifer. Not entirely sure it has gelled yet but lots of material here to tweak into a truly ghoulish story.

Thanks for the read.

tusker at 08:22 on 02 August 2009  Report this post
Thanks Bill.

I will work on it.

Jennifer

Dreamer at 12:01 on 03 August 2009  Report this post
Hi Jennifer,

I understood the story and guessed who the dead man was.
I think you need to add a little something to make it more clear that she used the computer to find him.
Someone like her probably would not have an internet connection though.

This certainly has room to grow.

One nit. Think you could lose 'from the outside' here: 'From the outside her windows'. Start with just 'Her windows...'

Best,

Brian.

tusker at 12:43 on 03 August 2009  Report this post
Thanks for you comments, Brian, and your suggestions.

Jennifer


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