Sir Simon`s Well
Posted: 14 July 2009 Word Count: 497 Summary: For Findy's challenge
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Deep in its dark waters, they waited. For centuries, they drifted, their whiteness a sharp contrast to that sloshing black place.
Occasionally, they would surface, slither up the steep, stone steps to a solid oak door inches thick and, through a small grill, they could see the world beyond; a world that had changed over many decades. In the distance, a forest had now given way to buildings. The sea had shrunk back out of sight. In its place, children played on swings and climbing frames. Parents sat on benches supervising their offspring.
As they watched, they hungered for that outside world; a world denied to them after Sir Simon de Blanche threw their mad, bad and dangerous ancestors into the deep well to drown for various misdemeanours he’d conjured up. But below those still waters, The Maid of Ogmore embraced each drowning man and woman and carried them to her cavernous cave.
There she nurtured those victims on green breast milk but over centuries, despite her care, the outside world was never forgotten as stories of their previous existence was passed down from generation to generation.
Through the ages, no one from the outside world ever dared to break into the well. Not even the bravest would consider venturing down those steep slippery steps. Tales of white beings peeping through the grill became folk lore. Though the scoffers scoffed, even those sceptics resisted breaking in to prove their case.
Then, on a July afternoon, a council worker from the Department of Parks and Leisure, jemmied off the sturdy lock and opened the well door. Len Harding had to assess health and safety issues brought up at a council meeting. To remove the door and block off the entrance was one suggestion. Conservationists argued against such a procedure on an important historic site.
Now Len Harding is peering down those steps that disappear under water. He shivers despite the warmth of the day. ‘What’s it like?’ his assistant shouts.
‘Come and see for yourself,’ Len replies with a shaky laugh and, as he speaks, a mass of rubbery white bodies surge up the steps, knocking him backwards in their haste to escape on masse out from darkness into sunlight.
In horror, parents scream and gather up their children from swings. The grass writhes with bleached forms without limbs. Mouths gape in seal-like faces to emit strangled sounds. The church bell chimes three o’clock as those rubbery skins crack open under the heat of the sun.
Two hours later, at the strike of five o’clock, a digger shovels those bodies back inside the well to tumble down the steps. Loud splashes resonate about damp thick walls. Above the noise of disposal, a woman shrieks can be heard.
When at last the entrance is sealed, her cries cut off, The Maid of Ogmore’s curses will still echo inside those worker’s minds until, at last, they too will succumb to her grief ridden predictions of a painful and premature death.
Comments by other Members
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Forbes at 00:36 on 15 July 2009
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Jennifer a strange, uncomfortable and eerie piece.
there are some repartitions, and it could stand to be tightened in places:
... a mass of rubbery white bodies surge up the steps, knocking him backwards in their haste to escape on masse out from ... |
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mass(e) repeated.
But an original - if horrific - take on the challenge.
*shudder*
Avis
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tusker at 07:12 on 15 July 2009
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Thanks Avis for your nice comments and pointers.
There's a well like that not far from me and a children's park.
As kids we used to go down those steps until 'elf and safety bolted the door.
My parents would've been horrified.
Jennifer
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Findy at 10:35 on 15 July 2009
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Hi Jennifer
Agree with Avis - 'original' take on the challenge.
Loved the descriptions, children on the swings, white beings peeping through the grill, rubbery skins cracking open in the heat of the sun (ha ha loved that).
Great response.
findy
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Bunbry at 17:21 on 15 July 2009
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This has got you written all over it Jennifer, a great mix of the surreal and horror which I really enjoyed
Niggles -
Cavenous cave?!
Would the workers not call the police, or a zoo, on discovering the seal men?
Finally, if there is a curse associated with the well, I would mention it earlier in the story as it was a bolt from the blue, right at the end!
Hope this helps.
Nick
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tusker at 18:52 on 15 July 2009
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Hi Nick,
Glad it scared you. Ok, thought I'd make the cave very big due to The Maid's growing inhabitants. Will look again.
They didn't call the police as those poor souls died as soon as their bodies caught the sun.
Two hours passed before they put them back inside. Perhaps I should've mentioned the authorities orgainising the disposal.
There wasn't a previous curse just folk lore surrounding the well. But now it's cursed as The Maid has lost her people.
Hope that's explained it.
Jennifer
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Prospero at 10:21 on 18 July 2009
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Hi Jennifer
A dark and eerie tale.
Wells and such places have often been imbued with mystical powers and associated with dark deeds. You combine both into a disturbing story.
Well done
Best
Prosp
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LMJT at 10:27 on 18 July 2009
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Ooh Jennifer,
This is excellent! I liked the beginning, but I loved where you changed into present tense. The prose is perfect, the 'seal-like faces' made me nauseous!
One nit:
a council worker from the Department of Parks and Leisure, jemmied off |
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I'd cut this comma.
The piece reminded me of a recent horror film, The Descent. Have you seen it?
Thanks so much for the read.
Liam
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tractor at 10:41 on 18 July 2009
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Hi Jennifer,
I can see that this fit's both FF1 & 2 challenges! Very Lovecraftian, a great addition to the Chthulu mythos. I think it's worthy of developing into a short story because you could extend those delicious shudders.
Cheers
Mark
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tusker at 15:30 on 18 July 2009
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Hi Prosp,
Thanks for your nice comments. This well, near me, has always fascinated. There's an ancient trough beside it. On dark nights, passing by, the well conjures up a few thoughts.
Jennifer.
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tusker at 15:31 on 18 July 2009
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Glad it made you shiver, Liam.
Yes, I'm at the commas again. Thought I'd given them up.
Jennifer
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tusker at 15:33 on 18 July 2009
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Hi Liam,
Forgot to mention I've not seen that film, 'Descent.'
I can't watch horror films, they scare me to death, but I read horror novels at times. Strange I know.
Jennifer
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tusker at 15:35 on 18 July 2009
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Thanks Mark. Glad you liked it.
Excuse my ignorance but what are, Lovecraftian and Chthulu mythos?
Jennifer
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tractor at 16:21 on 18 July 2009
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Hi Jennifer,
HP Lovercraft was a weird Rode Islander writing in the 1920's and 1930's. He thought of himself as anothe Poe. His basic concept was that the world we see is not the real one. There are Gods, the Elder Gods and the Great Old Ones, that are waiting to take back control from man when the time is right.
In the mean time, they breed with the people of Innsmouth, interfere with Polar expeditions, confuse with witchcraft, and send people mad. They're a sinister lot.
Stephen King described Lovecraft as the greatest horror writer of the twentieth century. August Derleth, one of the founders of the horror publishing house Arkham House, was one of the first to start writing stories that linked into Lovercraft's world. He coined the term the Cthulu Mythos, Cthulu being one of the Great Old Ones who is present in a lot of Lovecraft's fiction, to describe these stories. Pretty soon other writers for the pulps like Wierd Tales, were consciously mimicking the style, so writers have included famous authors like Fritz Leiber and Robert Bloch. The most notable modern horror/fantasy writer to add to the Mythos as been our own Neil Gaiman.
Reading horror books, you may have come across references to the Necronomicon, a supernatural book that sends people mad and written by the mad arab Al-haz-red? Its a sort of signature that a number of writers use to indicate early in a story that a Mythos tale is about to be played out.
I've just come across another Stephen King quote, on the back of a collection of Lovecraft tale: Lovecraft opened the way for me, as he has done for others before me. |
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Read some of Lovecraft's work. If you can get past some of his more archaic language it gives a lot of pleasure.
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tusker at 16:42 on 18 July 2009
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Thanks a lot, Mark.
I've read a lot of Stephen King and a Neil Gaiman among others.
I enjoy most genres apart from romance (leaves me cold) and anything about animals and children.(upsets me)
Will give Lovecraft a go.
At the moment I'm a Nick Harkaway fan and always a devotee of Ianin.M. Banks. Different from the above, I know.
Jennifer
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