In the beginning there was me, and I was shit. I grew and grew, sucking up everything that was fed to me, changing all the time like a tadpole, metamorphosing into the grown figure that people see today. I didn’t hate the world, I just resented it. I knew I had been destined for something great, but I was the only one to see this. And then it happened. I woke up one morning and finally I saw, finally I realised. I had not been put on this world, I had not been created, I had not been born. I just was, and I always had been. I had discovered the great truth. I had lived forever and I would always live forever. Everything outside of this was nothing, I was the world. Everything was so clear that day.
My first thought was to tell people, people would want to know, they had a right to know. This thought faded fast, like an echo it was gone. I knew I couldn’t just come out with it, I would have to wait until the time was right, and then, when the moment was perfect, I would show myself, I would show my power. Everyone that had treated me with scorn and contempt would know what I really was. I was God.
I started attending church on a regular basis, religiously almost. I wondered how they could worship something that wasn’t real, just because that was the way it had always been done, it all seemed so wrong to me. I sat there and they were telling me about someone else. He had no power, not power that I could see. These people had power; they had the power to turn up. I had power; I was God, but not that God. One day I was being told how everything had begun, everyone else in that church was being told how everything had begun, but that was not how everything had begun. I was how everything had begun and I was shit. It was all wrong, very wrong. I left the church that day, barely able to contain the rage welling up inside me. I wanted to scream to the world "worship me", but I didn’t. Not now, not yet.
I began testing my power, little things at first, I was God, I could do what I wanted. I met a man once who could slow down time, he had the power to slow down time. He stood there telling me things and I stood there listening, I looked at my watch and where had the time gone? Nowhere, that’s where, he had slowed down time. So I began testing my power by slowing down time. I would engage people in the street and I would slow down time. It almost always worked and I could feel my powers blossoming. Soon the time would come to expose my true identity to the world and then everyone would worship me. Temples would be built in my honour. Statues of me would be sculpted, staring out at my world, ruling over my people graciously and terrifyingly at the same time. But it had not happened like that. Things never work out the way you wanted, even when you are God.

The time had come, I was God and people would now find out. I started entering advertisements in papers, but these were often rejected, I pity these people. I finally got an advert into 'Exchange & Mart' for the princely sum of £1.25. It had been done tastefully, just giving the information that I was God and how worshipers could contact me. I got two responses and could not possibly repeat what they had said. This was all a big disappointment but I was not deterred. In fact I was even more determined to prove myself. I began preaching at speaker's corner but people just looked at me like I was crazy, and sometimes even telling me I was crazy. But I was not crazy, I was God and I was shit.
I realised that I would have to show my power. People would have to see my power and then they would believe. Their so called God never had to prove his power and people still worshiped him, but I was just starting out, so I would have to prove my power. And so, I struck out at the next disbeliever I came across; if I was not going to be a loved God then I would be a vengeful God. I lunged at him and he didn’t see me coming, how could he, he was not God. He was on the floor with a look of shock on his face, he had never been so close to greatness and he was fearful. I don’t blame him, I am God.
I was taken away, taken to this place and this is where I write my story. I am God, I know that. But no one else does. I am the God of nobody and I am shit.