Chapter One WELCOME TO CORPORATE JUNGLE!

At Corporate Jungle Inc., everyone is a bit of an animal. Take Mary for example, on the reception desk. Everyone visiting for the first time thinks that she is the epitome of warm greetings to any person coming to these premises. If, however a visitor teases her just a little above her threshold of acceptable pleasantries, they will soon find out that beneath the sweet smile and perfect attire lies a dormant hyena.

First, the spout will form, slowly, lips curling slightly over movie star teeth. Then the head will tilt backwards and inevitably her cruel, crystal-clear laughter will ensue.

“Well, Sir, if you think you can come here, play the gentleman and insult me by thinking I would welcome such pleasantries then you are seriously mistaken. No one calls me love or dear or any such patronizing epithets, no one dares ask me on a date presuming that I would answer a sweet and spontaneous yes to any such nonsense. No, Sir, no one dares treat me with no less courteous respect as I have shown them! I will now ask you to take a seat, right over there in the far away corner and wait patiently, without uttering a sound until some poor soul comes to rescue you from my dangerous company. Not a word, not a sigh, not a breath from you or I shall truly show you how my anger could turn into a personal attack on your person, at which point, no one could rescue you from the grip of my resentment.”

Mary is not cruel, but like every other individual in the office environment, knows and shows her limits when pushed over the edge. There is nothing stopping her once she has circled round her prey and the only escape route is to remain utterly silent and withdraw from her attention.

THE GRIZZLY BEAR
Tom is in facilities and his job is to ensure the smooth running of the office, enough coffee, plenty milk and sugar, and everything working as it should, except it never does. Invariably visitors come in the office and often times in large numbers. Milk runs out for various reasons but mainly due to the unexpected number of visitors (or so it is for Tom as nobody bothered to inform him of the 50 guests coming to the product presentation) and especially the perfidy of employees.

The milk is provided free by the company for all employees for their tea and coffee needs but abusing elements in the ranks perniciously use it in their incongruously large bowl of cereals. Here goes another pint of milk in Jane’s humongous travesty of a plate. Jane is overweight, verging on the side of obesity and she has followed the same routine for the last fifteen years, since she joined the company. In, kitchen, cereals, fridge, milk and bowl. Tom secretly believes that she would be better off with celery and cucumber but he can hardly tell her without risking to be called in for weight discrimination. He has however had vague attempts at hinting it. On many occasions he placed notices in the kitchen stating that company provided milk is solely for tea or coffee but NOT cereals. Jane has totally and completely ignored these, time after time.

One morning, Tom having had enough of running to the corner shop to replenish the supply, got in the office a little earlier and waited for Jane to arrive. As soon as her car pulled into the car park, Tom made his way to the kitchen looking, he thought nonchalant, although to anyone else, Tom always looks harassed. He started making himself a cup of coffee. A new notice had been pinned to the fridge door, big enough for anyone with even serious myopia to be able to read it: “Milk is for Tea and Coffee only. Should you like to have milk with your cereals, BRING YOU OWN MILK!”

Jane appeared at the door, walked in, took her very large bowl out of the cupboard, reached for her even larger box of cereals and opened the fridge to grab the milk. As Tom was watching, not quite believing what he was seeing, she perniciously (there is no other way to describe such behavior) poured half the milk over her cereals. At that very moment, Tom turned into a grizzly bear. He grabbed Jane by the shoulder and barked: “Got a damn good job, she has too much fat on her brain and it has clouded her judgment. I tell you what Jane, if we run out of milk today, you are going to be the one running to the corner shop to buy some more. I’ve had enough of you lot, larging it and making my job impossible.”

Tom stormed out and went back to his desk. After a few minutes, Tom turned back into Tom amazed about what he had just done. He sat there, wondering, disbelieving until another emergency took over. But from that very day forward, Jane never used the company milk for her cereals and she was even known to say that Tom was a great asset to the company.

ALEXANDRA AND HER GANG
You would like Alexandra. She is pretty, slender, witty and charming. She is also a good laugh, whatever that means. She holds what is called a senior position, one that demands a lot of energy and a good sense of humor. All that, she has but when it comes to the real crunch of the business, alas she turns into a mad grass hopper, fleeting in one direction and then the other unable to decide for too long where she should be heading. It is a tragic situation but fortunately for her, she is surrounded by a clique of quite capable if sometimes erratic individuals.

Sandra is all good heart, willing and strong willed. She knows when to stand her ground and has done quite well for herself. Occasionally her emotions get the best of her and when she can no longer control them, everything grinds down to a halt and Sandra transforms into a fluffy and scared rabbit.

Kathleen on the other hand is all red. She also wears a lot of red. She is hungry for power but manages to discreetly hide it under a professional appearance until a conflict situation arises. Kathleen then forgets her cool and jumps at everyone’s throat in a moment of bloody mist and little Miss Professional turns into nasty, can’t get rid of, gremlin-like wild boar.

Philip is Mr Congeniality. He binds all the elements of the group together like glue. As far as his colleagues are concerned, Philip is a swell guy and gets the best out of everyone. That’s not the Philip I know. This excitable, salivating puppy you can’t get angry with does not know when to stop. Over-excitement turns excitable puppy into frothy mouthed, barking-mad, beware-of, wild-dog.

This is nothing compared with cool Elena. I’d myself prefer to call her cold but most people are blind to the true fabric of others. Elena does not get excited, she does not bark, she won’t run for you neither will she run away. No, Elena is at all times a snake but her bite spits the venom with clearly measured and focused words. With her at least you always know where you stand; on your guards.

To complete the circus, I now have to introduce you to Elisa. She is probably the fakest of them all for she never reveals her true colors. Sweet as a bonbon, polite as a vicar, faithful as an enamored lover, she dispenses her charms without ever revealing a nasty streak. Elisa discredits others by simply highlighting their wonderful personality. A victim she is certainly not but pretending is so gloriously good.

So here you are, my colleagues, the most wonderful team in the world. But, what about me, you may ask, what kind of beast do I like to turn myself into? I am the evil writer. I take notes and write wonderful stories about incredibly interesting characters. Where would I be without such helpful sources of inspiration?