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The Very Merry Widow and her Miserable Daughter

by Jubbly 

Posted: 07 November 2003
Word Count: 473
Summary: A radio sketch

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The Very Merry Widow and her Miserable Daughter

Jean (On Phone)
Hello Gail, just calling to wish you many happy returns, forty eh, the big one, well you better keep it quiet when you come to visit, I've told everyone up here I'm 54, don't want you giving the game away. How are you celebrating?

Oh we're not going to any bother, Philip has to work late and the kids have got gastro enteritis, so we're cracking open a bottle of Spumante and I'm doing some pasta.

Oh I'll never forget my big 4 0. Your father took me to Paris and we stayed in a fabulous little Pension on the banks of the Seine. Landmark birthdays are so important, occasions to punctuate your life and leave you with wonderful memories forever, remind me dear, what did you do on your 18th?

Well we booked the church hall for a disco, but on the day I was struck down with perontintus and spent the night in intensive care. You went ahead with the party; you said as you'd paid a non-refundable fifty pounds for the DJ you might as well get your moneys worth.

Oh I remember now, that was the night your little friend Penelope Cutler met that ghastly boy who ruined her life, twins, poor girl. I was watching one of those awful American talk shows on Sky the other day and it was all about daughters who beat up their mothers. Honestly, black and blue they were, hair pulled out in clumps, teeth smashed from their mouths and I thought, my goodness girls are so difficult .Now what did you do for your 21st?

I baby-sat for Penelope Cutler.

I hear she's a grandmother now, at least you can be grateful for that, see some people hear the word peritonitis and hear life threatening disease and others hear it and hear brilliant contraception. Hey ho. What about your 30th?

Went into labour with Henry. Spent all my birthday and the following day having contractions, you popped your head around the door and told me how much the midwives were enjoying the stripagram you'd booked.

Oh yes, Big Bendy Bertie, thirty pound call out and anything else at your own discretion. Oh well, happy birthday dear, did you get my present?

Yes I did.

Did you like it?

Oh come on mum, a box video set of the beginners guide to wife swapping, what sort of present is that for a forty year old woman, my Philip will be appalled.

Really, that's not the impression I got when I asked him what you might want.


He seemed to think it would be ideal, anyway must dash, got my Pilates class bye.

(Exasperated grunt)

The End

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Comments by other Members

Account Closed at 13:59 on 07 November 2003  Report this post
Thanks Jubbly,
Another good laugh!! I can see you used to be in stand up comedy. This is another one which could be longer or maybe broken up more because the lines seem long to me but I enjoyed it v much
ps I'm also enjoying badmothersclub - thanks for that. I'm part of an English-speaking mother's support group in Paris and I'm spreading the word!!

Jubbly at 20:47 on 07 November 2003  Report this post
Fantastic! The editor will be so pleased. The sketch is part of a series, I'll post the next one soon. I agree it is too wordy, I need to be more self disciplined in that area.

willycan at 08:14 on 11 November 2003  Report this post
This is very amusing but I'm not sure what you would do with this as its so short.

cheers willy

Seahorse at 10:12 on 13 November 2003  Report this post
Yeah, great crisp dialogue. As Willycan says, it's very short. But I think it's the kind of thing which would actually benefit from being longer. Would be great to see a longer version!

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