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Night of wolves

by craig.horne 

Posted: 04 May 2009
Word Count: 677
Summary: The first third of a short stort in progress.


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A spear was flung into the hut and landed with a thud against its inner wall. A round leather-faced shield followed, then a sword. With his weapons discarded, King Bridei turned to his men and gestured to them to do the same. His visitors, in turn, discarded theirs.

“Now when we’re drinking and insulting each other,” said the king, with a smile, “punches will be the worst to come of it.”

With this he closed the door of the hut, turned and descended the slope towards his hall which stood about a spear’s throw away. Night was almost upon them. A faint breeze rustled the heather that cloaked the ground and made the flames of the king’s torch flicker. Water made a rippling sound over rocks as it meandered along the nearby glen and the spectral white of an owl streaked through the pinewoods on the surrounding hills.

Bridei stood a head taller than most of the other men and was powerfully-built but supple in his movements. Like many of the others he bore designs cunningly wrought in woad-dye on his skin and wore his blue-black hair long and his beard short. Like them he also wore a knee-length tunic which was girdled at the waist and made up of close-set checks of different colours.

His hall was a rectangular timber building thatched with reeds and had square windows with thin-scraped gut stretched across them. Smoke curled through a hole in the roof and the harsh skirl of someone inside tuning reed pipes filled the air. About thirty paces to the east stood another hall around two thirds its size. The men’s respective wives could be seen entering this one. Behind the halls were other smaller buildings including cookhouses from where the smell of herbs and roasting meats heralded the feasts that awaited both groups.

As he walked, the king turned to the leader of the visiting party and said, “Tell me Naiton, any word from our friends in Abertabaicht?”

“None my lord,” replied Naiton. He was a man with hair the colour of fox fur and a strong, weather-beaten face. “And we saw no sign of their approach on the road here.”

The king stroked his moustache. At length he said, “Perhaps they have been waylaid.”

Bridei pushed open the heavy oaken door of the hall, stepped inside and placed his torch in an iron sconce on the wall. The other men followed and he directed them to take their places on the benches which lined the walls on either side. In front of the benches, a series of long wooden boards had been placed on trestles and laden with bowls, cups and cutlery fashioned from wood and bone. A twin colonnade separated the benched areas from the central passageway which was furrowed to accommodate the fire that now burned. The fire trench stretched from the door to the dais at the head of the hall where the king and Naiton sat down with their chief retainers.

A host of serving-girls now poured forth from the far corners of the hall bearing flagons of heather ale while a boy stirred a cauldron which was suspended from the rafters on chains. A stew bubbled within and occasionally the boy had to dodge the juices that leapt out and hissed on the fire below.

The king waited until the men had taken their first drafts of ale before speaking. “Men,” he said. “I thank you for coming here tonight. I feel there is a great need for the coming together of our people to counter the growing menace of the Garmani.”

With this came the murmur of agreement along the benches and the clunking of cups against the wood.

“Hoards of these Sea Wolves seem to be brought forth on every tide; the Angles and Saxons take everything they lay their eyes on.” He paused. “No more.”

“Though Abertabaicht have declined to break bread with us there will be others. The glens swell with free men ready to join our cause and chase this scourge from our lands."






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Comments by other Members



wyf of bath at 16:24 on 04 May 2009  Report this post
hi Craig
i have been absent for a few days and have a lots to get through this evening. i enjoyed this very much as i enjoyed 'The Picts'previously. you obviously know the period and have caught the atmosphere really well. it is just the sort of story my grown up sons and i like to read, you write very well.

i only noticed a few things that you might like to think about.

Bridei stood a head taller than most of the other men and was powerfully-built but supple in his movements. Like many of the others he bore designs cunningly wrought in woad-dye on his skin and wore his blue-black hair long and his beard short.


you've used the word 'his quite alot in this extract, you could try exchanging the first with 'but supple of movement' which would get rid of one of them if you wanted to.

Water made a rippling sound over rocks as it meandered along the nearby glen and the spectral white of an owl streaked through the pinewoods on the surrounding hills.


this sentence seemed a bit laborious, i would suggest 'Water rippled over rocks as it meandered along the glen and the spectral white of an owl streaked through the pine woods.' but that is just a personal thing.

also the sentence
His hall was a rectangular timber building thatched with reeds and had square windows with thin-scraped gut stretched across them.


you could make this more concise;

'His reed thatched hall was rectangular with thin-scraped gut stretched across square windows.'

also you might need to watch over-doing the description, your reader may very well not care for the detail. sometimes it is better to weave it into the narrative so that the reader absorbes it subconsciously.

i love the period you have chosen to write of and you really do very well with it. i look forward to reading more.

Judith

Account Closed at 21:46 on 04 May 2009  Report this post
Hi Craig - you've conjured up a good sense of place. Just watch for the repeated words - so easily done, I know. There are quite a few 'turned' or versions of 'turn'. And something jarred for me with the serving girls pouring forth - at first I assumed they were 'pouring ale'.

Sarah

Silent at 16:44 on 06 May 2009  Report this post
Hi Craig,
A very enjoyable beginning, lots of great detail that enlivens the senses, and it's an interesting hook that they have to dispense with their weapons.

Just a couple of things to think about -

After introducing King Bridei you refer to him as the king or Bridei interchangeably, which could give the impression they are two different people. The first "the king said," could simply be "he said" and as it is told from his point of view, you could use "his" instead of "the king's" more. Use of "Bridei" rather than "the king" enables the reader to identify with him more.

As it is in Bridei's POV perhaps you could include the description in his movement, rather than stopping the action to make the description- eg

"He walked past the hall - a rectangular timber building thatched with reeds and square windows with thin-scraped gut stretched across them. Smoke curled through a hole in the roof and the harsh skirl of someone inside tuning reed pipes filled the air. He saw the wives entering the smaller hall about thirty paces to the east. His companion sucked in his breath as the smell of herbs and roasting meats from the cookhouses behind heralded the feasts that awaited both groups.

He turned and said, “Tell me Naiton, any word from our friends in Abertabaicht?”

There is lots of fascinating detail here though that gives a great sense of place.

Hope this is helpful

Deborah


craig.horne at 01:19 on 07 May 2009  Report this post
Many thanks guys. Some excellent points there which I'll defintely be using as I take the story forward.


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