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PART 2: Memories of a bar steward

by The Bar Stward 

Posted: 30 April 2009
Word Count: 1358
Summary: This is the first draft of new Bar Steward material. Below we find Jacob about to start his first day as a licensee of the new pub he and his family have just taken over.


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Content Warning
This piece and/or subsequent comments may contain strong language.


Previous Memoirs of a bar steward enteries : http://www.writewords.org.uk/archive/23074.asp
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From: koopa@webworld.com
To: mr.jacobcox@webworld.com
Sent: Friday, August 18, 2000 09:29 AM
Subject: Koopa O’Shea


Alwright Cox Cheez

Haven’t heard much off your lot since ya Mom and Dad left the business last month. Me Dad tells us that you’ve all gone and moved to Turkey down south. Is that far enough away from the family then? Well you kept that all quiet didn’t ya. What happened to you going to uni?

Anyway, how did z move down to the bucket and spaz town go? Let me know how the new crib is hanging.

K. O’SHEA


From: mr.jacobcox@webworld.com
To: koopa@webworld.com
Sent: Friday, August 18, 2000 09:52 AM
Subject: RE: Koopa O’Shea


Hello Koopa

Yes I’m fine thank you. I hope you are too.

The move to Torquay was torturous but as you will no doubt find Millers antics so amusing I will not divulge how your wonderful cousin almost killed us all. (All I will say is that he is THE COX CHEESE, not me!)

Torquay (Not Turkey. School wasn’t just for selling drugs at, you know!) is beautiful. I know you don’t care for Gods Earthly craftsmanship so I won’t describe our new exquisite surroundings as you will most likely find someway of devaluing it to a crude insult. The new ‘crib’ however is amazing. There was a party last night when we arrived. The locals threw it for us especially. They said the last landlord was crap and they couldn’t wait for the new reign. Wonderful people.

It’s a shame that Mom has fallen out with all of her brothers but I do feel that it is most understandable. Mom specifically said to Uncle Connor that if he tried to push the business into the North of Birmingham you would suffer terrible consequences. I take it the rest of Uncle Macky has still not been found. Is his head still in the fridge? Perhaps if Uncle Connor had listened to Mother, Uncle Mackey would have been let go with only his balls missing! And how is Uncle Bernard? Is he still in hospital? The poor bastard.

You need to watch your back. The Donnelley might have lost the battle but I don’t think the war is over. You might be in control of the doors in Sutton for the minute but they’ll be back!

Give my best to the surviving members of the family while they are still alive.

Jacob.

From: koopa@webworld.com
To: mr.jacobcox@webworld.com
Sent: Friday, August 18, 2000 10:14 AM
Subject: RE: RE: Koopa O’Shea



Hay Cock

It’s a shame about Mackey 4 sure but lookee what we av now. We’re Lords of the manor baby. Uncle Connor was right on the money. The North side is full of rich brats who are happy to piss all of Daddys hard money on our cheap nasty drugs. The punters on our old patch were just a bunch of bum picking dole beggars who can’t afford a decent pint of piss, let alone a gram of snow. We’re making a fucking mint now man!

We’re all gonna be fucking millionaires before Christmas. You lot should throw everything in the van and just come back to us! Oh, Uncle Bernard will be fine; he still has his left leg and main member.

While you’re around watching grannies sip on their lemonades by da seaside (which I bet you fooking love you kinky shit), I’ll be watching me Hoes sipping on ma juices. YEAH!

K. O’SHEA

From: mr.jacobcox@webworld.com
To: koopa@webworld.com
Sent: Friday, August 18, 2000 10:20 AM
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Koopa O’Shea


Koopa

I will be getting the women too, don’t you worry about that! Power my friend, women love strong powerful men and that is what this position offers me. Koopa my ol’pal, envy me because I’ve won the sex lottery! I’m gonna be trying out plenty of love cushions. In fact I’m a bit worried that all the loving might get in the way of work, but I’m sure I can be professional.

In regards to returning to the family, we are quite happy here thank you. In fact if you have any sense you should get out of there now. Yeah you might be ‘minted’ for the minute but big wads of cash won’t do you any good when you’re dead in six months, in hell, getting a pitch fork in your love spuds.

Uncle Connor will keep on pushing. Even if you manage to hang onto Sutton without any more epic bloody battles with the Donnelly’s, I bet he won’t be happy. He’ll want Town next and then you’ll be fecked. Grandad Mickey might have been a vicious ol’bastard who started the whole thing off but he knew his limits, which is why the family have stayed in business for so long but now that Uncle Connor is in charge, he’ll go too far and he is gonna crash his joy ride with you lot in the car. He thinks that he is some kind of a God and he isn’t.

So thanks for the offer but I’ll stick to a proper business thank you!

Jacob


From: koopa@webworld.com
To: mr.jacobcox@webworld.com
Sent: Friday, August 18, 2000 10:24 AM
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Koopa O’Shea


Cox

This is a PROPER biz. We have trainee PAYE staff, area managers, monthly targets, bonus schemes. Everything properly organized ya know. We even have an office with a well fit secretary that I get to bang on Thursdays. It’s all thanks to your Mom you know. She turned Granddads little paddy gang into a bleedin corporation. Miller should have stayed. He was doing good. If he had stayed here, we’d have given him his own team and the Erdington area to manage!

Will Miller be joint manager with you? Why isn’t he the licensee, he’s been a barman since he was 15 at our place. I suppose Uncle Johnny asked you because Miller has a criminal record, hasn’t he?

K. O’SHEA


From: mr.jacobcox@webworld.com
To: koopa@webworld.com
Sent: Friday, August 18, 2000 10:28 AM
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Koopa O’Shea


WHY ISN’T MILLER THE LICENSEE? Because he is a feckin retard and I’m educated brilliance. That’s why!

WILL MILLER BE JOINT MANAGER? HA HA HA HA bloody HA! Noooooooooooooo. On the journey down Miller told me one of his ‘amazing’ idea’s to boost business. He said he was going to go around town to all of the AA meetings to lure all of the alkies to the pub! He thinks he is going to be the Pied fecking Piper of the pub trade, dancing through town with a line of pissy pant hobbo’s and drunks merrily following him to our distinguished abodes. MY public house will be a place of sophistication. A meeting place for the great minds of the English Riviera. Not a place to get rat arsed! That is not the upper class way.

From: koopa@webworld.com
To: mr.jacobcox@webworld.com
Sent: Friday, August 18, 2000 10:31 AM
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Koopa O’Shea


Sounds fucking boring to me then. Do you want any of us to come down and man the door for you?


From: mr.jacobcox@webworld.com
To: koopa@webworld.com
Sent: Friday, August 18, 2000 10:35 AM
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Koopa O’Shea


No we’re okay thank you. You stay where you are. This is Torquay, not Birmingham. People are quite docile here. Simple folk. They’re not street, not like me. I think they are probably a bit scared of us city lads, I’ll keep them in line. I will be a firm Monarch of my Kingdom. The problem with society nowadays is that the threat of authority is getting more and more distant. Everyone behaved in the old days when they were worried they’d get hung for stealing a loaf of bread but today you can kick a copper in the pink elephant trunk and get off with just a warning. Nope, I’ll be fair but firm. No one will mess with me.

It’s been good catching up with you. Stay good, stay alive.

I’m off to ascend my throne now

Yours Sincerely

Jacob







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Comments by other Members



The Bar Stward at 01:40 on 01 May 2009  Report this post
Once I'm happy with this, I'll add it to the main Bar Stewards upload

nezelette at 10:30 on 01 May 2009  Report this post
Hi there!
It's the first time I read your stuff so I'm not really qualified to comment on the progress of the plot or anything. I'll try to catch up.
I quite like the way the two guys' voices are very distinct, it makes it very clear who is talking. I also like the fact that it's very real: it feels like opening someone's inbox and it's quite exciting in that sense, like a voyeurism exercise!

School wasn’t just for selling drugs at you know!

I would just put a comma there
School wasn’t just for selling drugs at, you know!
as I had to read the sentence several times before I understdood what he was saying.
I look forward to reading more
Nancy

Nic23 at 11:05 on 01 May 2009  Report this post
Hi Scott

This is great, it feels almost like your spying on them. I think the two voice are very distinct and i wouldn't have got them confused if i'd not been told who they were (hope that makes sense ).

There was a party last night when we arrived. The locals threw it for us especially.

So i take it he likes to exagerate

I’ll be watching me Hoes sipping on ma juices. YEAH!

I couldn't help but laugh out loud at this part.
Koopa seems like he's not taking in by Jacob's pompous claims.

I’m off to ascend my throne now

He's a cocky little so and so isn't he?.

I think you've got a bunch of really good characters here, and i can't wait to see how you develop them. Did the Cox family live in Ireland for a while then, or did Miller go over on his own?.

Nic x

fbtoast at 20:27 on 01 May 2009  Report this post
You really manage the gulf between Jacob's pretensions and his reality very well.

It's the air of looming disaster that keeps me reading!

Mand245 at 06:38 on 02 May 2009  Report this post
Hi Scott

I really enjoyed this. In parts it made me laugh out loud. I think it's pointless for me to try to highlight anything in the grammar department beacuse I'm sure I would be confused as to what was the "authentic voice" and what was in error!

Is he still in hospital.


Just an obvious question mark missing here!

On the last e-mail it seemed somehow out of character for Jacob to sign off with "Best regards" - just a thought.

Good stuff

Mand

SJ Williamson at 08:30 on 02 May 2009  Report this post
Hi Scott,

Really great to see the plot unfolding here and I love the concept of emails. Fantastic!

Your MC is still very believable ... only thing that I did wonder was if he had suddenly been for elocution lessons because his first two emails were very posh!!

Is this the point you were making before about his character? I did like it though. It made Koopa's accent stand out. As the emails went on, Jason became lapse and went back to his relaxed diction.

If this was deliberate then a round of applause.

Great stuff ... keep writing.

SJ


The Bar Stward at 20:28 on 02 May 2009  Report this post
Hello all. Sorry I haven't replied sooner but I've just got back from Birmingham. I haven't even had a chance to read new comments of the above work yet but I saw all of the email notifications so I wanted to say a quick thank you and I will read all of the comments and give a detailed reply later.

Cheers

The Bar Stward at 22:59 on 02 May 2009  Report this post
Hell again. Thanks for the great comments, they really spur me on. I wish I could just sit at home and write the whole thing. There isn't much to think about as I've planned every single entry from start to finish. I know what the characters talk about, I just need to type it up properly. I really appreciate all of your kind words and helpful advice.



The Bar Stward at 23:06 on 02 May 2009  Report this post
Did the Cox family live in Ireland for a while then, or did Miller go over on his own?.


The entire family lives in Birmingham. The back story is explained a little more later on. Basically Jacobs grandfather (Granddad Mickey O'Shea) came from Ireland and moved to Birmingham. There he set up a protection racket with his brothers. Quite a small operation but it grew a little with time. When Jacobs mother (Ivy O'Shea) was older, she began to mould the scary but shabby gang into something much more efficient. Eventually when Granddad Mickey died, his eldest son Connor took over. Unlike his father he paid no attention to his sister. As the book continues you will learn that Uncle Connor is Brutal and Greedy. A dangerous combination, but the troubles he creates will not be predictable, not the source of it anyhow. The O'Shea family runs the west side of Birmingham but recently they have moved into the more lucrative North area, against Ivy’s wishes. When Ivy saw the dangers, she took herself and Miller (who was getting involved) away. How and why you will find out later. The name Cox obviously comes from Jacobs’s father. Johnny Cox (Dad) is quite a small man in nature and is unpopular with most people, especially his in-laws. Whether he is overall a good man or a bad man, you will have to wait and see.


The Bar Stward at 23:08 on 02 May 2009  Report this post
An extract from later in the book:

O’Shea Family Free

Place of origin:
Limerick, Ireland

Granddad Mickey Deceased 1998. Heart attack. Buried in Grandma garden.

Grandma Marion (84)

Uncle Connor (52)
Not married and no children

Uncle Joseph (50) ?

Mother Ivy Beryl(48)
Married to Johnny Paul Cox
Children: Jacob (me, 18), Miller (18), Clint (17) and Marie (10)

Uncle Danny (45)
Married to Anne
Children: John (29), Billy (27) Anthony (25) and Koopa (19)


Uncle Jimmy (41)
Married to Sue
Children: Danny Jr (25), Mackey Jr (22), Joe Jr (19), Luke (15) Suzy (10)

Uncle Finnegan (39)
Married to Linda
Children: Peter and Paul (Twins, 22), Kelly (18), Lisa (16), Catherine (11) Annie (8), Poppy (4)

Uncle Rocky (36)
Not married
Children: Spike (15)


Uncle Mackey (34) Deceased 2000. Murdered. Culprit not found by police.
Children: Robert (16)

Uncle Bernard (20)
Not married. No children


The Bar Stward at 23:13 on 02 May 2009  Report this post
Is this the point you were making before about his character? I did like it though. It made Koopa's accent stand out. As the emails went on, Jason became lapse and went back to his relaxed diction.

If this was deliberate then a round of applause.


It was quite deliberate because to begin with Jacob is trying to show off. He is boasting about how he is now this great man. However, when it becomes apparent that his cousin is not impressed by him, he resorts to more immature, more natural, tatics. It kinda disolves into a playground game of 'who's better'.

Again, thank you to everyone for your comments, they really do give me a spring in my step. Cheers

The Bar Stward at 00:46 on 03 May 2009  Report this post
Will Miller be joint manager with you? Why isn’t he the licensee, he’s been a barman since he was 15 at our place. I suppose Uncle Johnny asked you because Miller has a criminal record, hasn’t he?

K. O’SHEA


WHY ISN’T MILLER THE LICENSEE? Because he is a feckin retard and I’m educated brilliance. That’s why!

WILL MILLER BE JOINT MANAGER? HA HA HA HA bloody HA! Noooooooooooooo.

Jacob


I've just added this slight addition. It is just another subtle little hint that Jacob isn't as highly regarded as he thinks that he is. It shows that Miller would most likely have been asked but he couldn't be licensee because he is not allowed to be.

freynolds at 09:44 on 04 May 2009  Report this post
Hi Scott,

I loved the way you related the party thrown by the locals as organised in the honour of the new landlors, which, as we all know, wasn't!

Jacob is developing into an even bigger headed little git with delusions of grandeur et al.

The one bit I was wondering about is the mention of Uncle Mackey's murder. As the correspondence was via e-mail and there was a murder involved, just wondering, since the whole family must be under the eyes of the police and more, if this would not be on the radars of MI6? Perhaps this is intentional and we will find out later in the story?

Really enjoyed this! Very witty and very entertaining.

Fabienne

The Bar Stward at 15:25 on 04 May 2009  Report this post
The one bit I was wondering about is the mention of Uncle Mackey's murder. As the correspondence was via e-mail and there was a murder involved, just wondering, since the whole family must be under the eyes of the police and more, if this would not be on the radars of MI6? Perhaps this is intentional and we will find out later in the story?


You're assuming his murder has been reported. The family and their enemies get justice gangland style. You're right however, it really shouldn't be mentioned but I don't think any of the characters would be assuming the police would be checking their emails.

Hopefully tonight I will get the rest of Friday 18th written. Friday has quite a lot going on but I've managed to break it up into a way that it doesn't seem to be all in one big chunk. I want to keep the entries as short and pacy as possible.

Thanks for the comments Fabienne


freynolds at 19:01 on 04 May 2009  Report this post
Ah! Now that you've explained the murder is not known to the police, it seems that no one will be looking for clues as to what happened to Mackey and therefore the e-mails would not be monitored...

Fabienne


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