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Reality
Posted: 28 April 2009
Word Count: 39
Summary: It's ages since I've posted anything in this group. Apologies!!
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Version II
Late evenings
lazing
searching
for
lost horizons
new dreams
old flames
while the truth
saps imagination
Version I
Late evenings spent
lazing
trying
to search for
lost horizons
new dreams
old flames
while the truth
saps imagination
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Comments by other Members
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 freynolds at 10:09 on 29 April 2009
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Hi Joanie,
Glad you posted this. It's been too long since we were last able to read some of your work.
I like the sense of peace and regrets (perhaps?) as well as the persistent hope that knocks at the door, regardless.
The last line is, I think, a tour de force where you have managed to give us the idea that truth weakens the imagination but also is the juice of it. Am I correct?
As always beautiful and provocative.
Fabienne
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 FelixBenson at 12:20 on 29 April 2009
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Hi Joanie
This got me thinking, trying to get to the heart of the final lines. Did you mean what Fabienne suggests-when you find out the truth about your lost horizons
new dreams
old flames |
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that it ruins the dreaming... the joys of the imagination?
Made me think of staying up late searching on the internet. Before we might have had lovely day dreams, particularly about 'old flames' which a click on Facebook or Friends Reunited will put paid to!
Good, thought provoking poem.
Cheers, Kirsty
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 joanie at 12:35 on 29 April 2009
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Thanks, Fabienne and Kirsty. Yes, I meant the ending to mean that, as we are dreaming, planning, searching, wondering 'what if?', etc., the truth kicks in and 'saps our imagination' ao that dreams get knocked on the head and the harsh reality takes over. Does that make sense?
Thanks for reading.
joanie
<Added>
....so that dreams...... (The harsh reality of life in general)
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Felicity F at 22:37 on 29 April 2009
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Hi Joanie,
Well,after my 'feel good' poem on Spring,this brought me back to earth with a bump! But
on a more serious note,you convey 'reality' very well.And the reality of anything often does need to be said in a lot of words either,so well done.The sentiment came through,especially with the last line.
I also found 'lost horizons' and 'new dreams' an interesting mix,as if trying to reconcile the loss of the dreams of past and those of the future.
As regards 'Old flames' and internet searches,I am with Kirsty on that one.But I would rather be ignorant and in bliss!
Felicity.
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 James Graham at 19:32 on 02 May 2009
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Joanie, you're so good at the kind of short poem that seems to hang suspended in mid-air. Sometimes it's astonishing how much can be read into so few words.
But how about reducing your word count to 16? 'Spent' isn't necessary, is it? And 'trying to search' and 'searching' - not a lot of difference. 'Searching' is a kind of trying. I've taken liberties with spacing too. What do you think?
Late evenings
lazing
searching
for
lost horizons
new dreams
old flames
while the truth
saps imagination |
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James.
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joanie at 06:59 on 05 May 2009
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Thank you, James. Yes, I think you're right, as you always are; I'll drop those words and add the new version.
joanie
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woodsville at 12:38 on 29 October 2009
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Hi As I understand this the poem is about an individual drifting to past events/activities rather than coping with the muddle of the present.
I like the use of assonance and dissonance to slow the lines and create the atmosphere.
I think it could be improved by
1) Using a paradox on the last line of the 2 verses. The advantage of this is that it creates a synthesis in the mind of the reader.
EG Vacant Sky's
This could add to the sense of emptiness without pointing to it.
All from me.
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