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Compulsion
Posted: 14 April 2009
Word Count: 62
Summary: Does anyone else experience this? This is very short. Apologies for not posting much lately or contributing comments. I promise to have a read of all new works in the next few days.
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Words are mounting in my mind.
Like a cavalcade of wild horses
They dance a frenzied gallop
Never stopping to take a breath
Steaming away in an impulsive direction
Words that are heaving to tell a story
Wanting to flee their mental enclosure
Until freed to align on some paper
A pen at last puts them at rest.
I must write them.
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Comments by other Members
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 joanie at 18:27 on 14 April 2009
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Hi Fabienne. Yes, I can certainly associate with this! I like the brevity very much; I prefer short poems. I particularly like the first and last lines as they are comlete, short sentences. It sort of frames the poem. I wonder if it might be more effective without the capitals at the start of every line. Words are mounting in my mind.
Like a cavalcade of wild horses
they dance a frenzied gallop
never stopping to take a breath
steaming away in an impulsive direction
words that are heaving to tell a story
wanting to flee their mental enclosure
until freed to align on some paper
a pen at last puts them at rest.
I must write them. |
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What do you think? I think it flows better and illustrates the idea that the words are tumbling over themselves to get onto your paper.
Very enjoyable!
jonaie
PS I'm afraid I have been very non-productive in this group too; I'm feeling very guilty!
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 freynolds at 19:14 on 14 April 2009
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Thank you so much Joanie.
I like your suggestion, this is the final touch I had been trying to find and missed! It is amazing what a fresh pair of eyes can spot... it flows so much better like this.
I'm glad you can associate with this, It is reassuring to know that one is not alone.
Fabienne
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 James Graham at 19:20 on 18 April 2009
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What an attractive short poem - a poem about writing a poem. I agree that all lines except the first and last should be without capitals - it makes the energy of those horses that much more fluid. I like the way you kept to the same image of horses all through, rather than looking for several different metaphors. The horses capture exactly the energy of those words ‘heaving’ to be made into a poem.
Your last line may contain more meaning than you think. As soon as I read ‘I must write them’, I thought, ‘She has written them. Some of the horses have been set free already, to make this poem.’ This poem is a kind of demonstration of what it says about the way a poem is written. As well as saying it, it shows it. But of course, there are still horses in the enclosure, and more poems to be written.
James.
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freynolds at 07:27 on 22 April 2009
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Thank you James! Yes, you are right, there are still horses to be set free and I must do so before the enclosure becomes overcrowded. I am delighted you liked it.
Fabienne
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SJ Williamson at 11:31 on 22 April 2009
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This piece has a lovely flow to it. I don't know very much about poetry, but the way the piece read was rather like the movement of the water? Almost like white horses on waves.
Maybe I'm talking nonsense ... but I liked it!! I think we all, as writers, understood the emotions behind your piece perfectly.
SJx
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 FelixBenson at 12:41 on 22 April 2009
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There is great energy here - you can really feel that stampede! I very identified with the line
| Words that are heaving to tell a story |
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And I especially like the simplicity of the final line. As James says - you have written them.
I enjoyed this.
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