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Opening Chapter...
Chapter 1
It was proving to be one of the most stressful weeks of my whole life. Ofsted were due in two days and there wasn’t a member of staff who wasn’t flapping. I only had tonight to finish my prep. There certainly wasn’t time between lessons to do it or even think about it. With my phone lodged under my chin I balanced my laptop precariously over my knees, while I chatted to Heather.
‘Oh don’t worry. It can’t be as bad as my last inspection,’ she said ‘the Inspector only chose to walk into my class whilst I was in mid rant, ordering the naughtiest kid in school to the Heads office for singing Spiderpig,’ she laughed.
I remembered my last inspection. I must have explained to my little darlings a hundred times why there was a strange man in the corner. It only lasted twenty minutes then he walked off and said nothing to me. It reminded me of a bad one-night stand I had years ago.
Comments by other Members
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Miss Blue Eyes at 22:06 on 09 April 2009
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I love this. I was able to visualise the character Libby, I could relate to her and it made me laugh. The dialogue flows and it is realistic. I would love to read more!
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Bunbry at 20:28 on 10 April 2009
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Brilliant opener, has enough interest to easily pull a reader in. Nice touches of humour too.
You did use 'wasn't' twice in the first line, and inpector / inspection very close together, so it might be worth looking at that.
But, as ever, lovely stuff.
Nick
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hopper2607 at 13:19 on 13 April 2009
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Just some initial thoughts.
I like the last line, the comparison with a one-night stand. You could possibly make more of this idea.
Might be worth mentioning some members of staff and describe the symptoms of their flapping, to give it some 'show don't tell': leaving car keys locked in the car, some histrionics in the staff room, or whatever.
Heather's bit of dialogue could do with breaking up a bit, maybe after the word 'rant.' Libby could say something and then Heather could mention the Spiderpig incident.
The phone/laptop sentence is very strong visually - so much better than saying 'I was trying to do three things at once.'
Always good to start a story with a sense of crisis and movement, but I think you've got plenty of scope here for making the opener even more vivid.
Cheers,
Andy
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